


It's not what it seems

by Majestic_Moonwolf



Series: Romanogers - After Civil War [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 60,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majestic_Moonwolf/pseuds/Majestic_Moonwolf
Summary: Steve and Natasha's paths haven't crossed since the fight on the airport, yet now they suddenly find each other in disguise. What will happen?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Romanogers - After Civil War [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565359
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, I just thought it would be fun to publish the first fanfiction that I ever wrote on this site. I know it won't be all that good, but well... We all started somewhere right? Well, this is my beginning.

It was a cold snowy day, the eleventh of February 2017. I was walking trough the streets of Amsterdam, a place where I wouldn't stand out, since loads of people speak different languages in a city this big. It was two days since I got here and one day since I dyed my hair. I looked in the window of a nearby shop. No matter how many times you dye your hair, you always need to get used to it. This time it was even worse, since there is a pretty big difference between red and black, also I was wearing brown contacts, to make me stand out even less, I was almost unrecognisable, only the well trained eye could see what was behind the disguise. I smiled at my own reflection, trying to reassure myself that everything was fine, that going to this little rainy, or in this case snowy, country was a good move, that taking on a new identity was the right thing to do. But it just didn't work for me, not this time. I'm used to taking on new identities, that was not the problem, it was the fleeing part that got me. It's not something I had done as much as changing identities, it was an act of cowardice and I hate looking like a coward. It made me look weak, while weak is certainly a thing I'm not. But I fled anyway. And no matter how good my reason, it still felt bad.

I sighed and continued walking. Thinking about all of this made me think of the reason why I fled. And that's not a pretty story. I did the wrong thing, I know that, but, I want to believe I did it for the right reasons. Since it was about my friends and I was not wanting to lose any of them, since I don't make friends so easily, but I ended up losing I don't know how many of them, but I'm sure about one. But what else was I supposed to do? If two of your friends get in a fight that involves you, that involves your future and those of your friends, what else could you do than what you think is right, even though it involves lying, or fooling your friends? My acts, they weren't selfish, they were to help, okay, maybe they were a little bit selfish, because I don't like to be controlled, I want to be free, but I'm sure most of my friends want that too. It's hard being an Avenger, even though it might seem easy sometimes. Choices like those make my life even more difficult than it already is. The Avengers, free or controlled? The answer seemed quite clear to me, free to act to their own good will. But Tony seemed to be thinking different about that, he wanted us to be controlled. So when it came to choosing sides, I of course took Tony's, just so I could figure out how exactly he wanted us to be controlled, so I could figure out a way to avoid it. Okay, maybe my reasons were a bit more selfish than I want to admit, but, I'm sure I could have helped the rest, Steve's side would have been grateful for the information if Tony had won. I think he did, at least he managed to capture about half of Steve's "team" before he sent me away. I first went back to Germany, hoping I could find out where Steve went, but I found nothing of him. I had to flee from Germany, since I got the U.N on my heels. They followed met through Europe, but lost me in Italy, where I spent almost a year before going to the Netherlands. Everything was a lot smaller here then it was in Italy, but it surely had some kind of beauty to it.

Yesterday I signed myself up for a Dutch language course, under the name of Leah Waters. An American name. But since I "outgrew" my Russian accent, that won't be a problem. The only problem will probably be the grammar, which, I heard, is very hard to learn. And I believe it, since Dutch is like German in many ways and German grammar is very hard. I don't know what was harder to learn, German with all their rules for der, die, das, den, dem and all that. Or English with "that that" and words like read and lead which van be interpreted in to different ways. Or words like plane plain, that sound almost the same. It's both very difficult, but I mastered both at a young age, so Dutch shouldn't be too much of a problem. The further they day longed, the bigger the snowflakes got. So eventually, when they got too big and when it got to cold, I decided to go back to the hotel where I was staying. There I sat down on the bed in my hotel room, not knowing what else I could do. After some minutes of staring at the ceiling I decided to grab a book. I'm not really used to having a lot of spare time, due to all the missions I get. But since there's no S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore, and since the Avengers pretty much fall apart I suddenly had a lot of it. And actually, I didn't really know what to do with it at the time, so I bought myself some books, since reading is good for you. And I found I actually enjoy reading. So I read for a few hours, forgetting the time and the reason I was here, until I turned on the TV. Well, it didn't directly link to what happened in Germany, but in some way it did.

Thor came back to earth, it was everywhere on the news. And what he had to say wasn't exactly a happy message. More of a bad one, Banner was dead. Dr.Robert Bruce Banner died, due to an experiment that was supposed to help him. It was supposed to remove the Hulk part from him, and they succeeded but, they accidentally also removed his soul. There was the possibility for them to retrieve it, but, a soul only can be outside of a body for a limited amount of time. And since Banners soul was captured by some evil woman, the goddess of death or something like that, they had to fight her to get it back. At that point, it was already too late. Thor looked quite distressed while telling this. Like he felt guilty for the fault the healers made. Also, he looked a bit drunk, like he had been drinking while mourning his dead friend. I noticed all of this while staring at the screen wide-eyed. Banner... dead... I never thought I'd hear those words in one sentence. I thought he'd outlive us all, thanks to the Hulk part inside him. When Thor disappeared and the regular TV schedule started again I turned the TV off. I had to think. I sat there on the bed for a while, holding back my emotions. It was the closest I ever came to crying in like over ten years or something, maybe twenty. Probably closer to twenty. It was a weird sensation, but, I loved Banner, what else could I do but feeling emotional? For some reason I wished Steve was there at that moment. I knew he knew what I felt for Banner, and I know he could help me, since he'd have known what I went through after Peggy died. Maybe that's why I wanted him there, to have someone to understand me, to support me, but I'm still not sure. Anyway, he wasn't there, and I was alone with my emotions. So I did what I always did, put them away in a deep dark part of me full of things that I don't want anybody to know because it's too personal. I know it's not a healthy thing to do, but I didn't know what else to do, and sometimes I still don't. At this point, it was 11 o' clock in the evening, so I went to bed, trying not to think about it, but ending up thinking about it anyway. I tried to push it out if my head, but I just couldn't. And I fell asleep picturing it, even though I have no idea what a human soul looks like.

The next morning I woke up completely calm. I put all my emotions away. I was still a bit sad, but I know Bruce wouldn't have wanted me to mourn him for too long. Also, I knew mourning wouldn't bring him back. It might have been a bit heartless, but after all, that's what I'm trained to be. A heartless assassin. I sighed, sometimes I hate myself and then I did. I lost the man I loved, something that would depress most women. Maybe I was right after all, I thought, maybe love is for children. And thinking that made me only hate myself more. I decided to take a shower, hoping that after that I'd know what to do. After showering I decided to go shopping. I was in a pretty big city anyway, at least, for Dutch standard's. I had a lot of time to walk through the city and find all the good shops, since my Dutch lessons were in the evening, at seven o' clock. It gave me some time to think. When I walked outside there was almost nothing left of the snow that fell the day before. It was still pretty cold outside, but as a Russian I'm used to worse. Just like the day before I walked the busy streets of Amsterdam. The only difference was that, this time, I walked into some of the shops to buy things, especially clothing, I'm a woman after all. I also bought myself some books. After the shopping it was already time for lunch. After lunch I went back to the hotel, were I read for a few hours. I started to miss the action my days usually contained. Guess I'm not fit for long vacations. After that I went to my Dutch classes, which were pretty boring. And eventually I ended up in my hotel room again. This cycle of reading and going to my Dutch classes, which were easier than I expected, continued for a few days, until one day changed everything.

It was seven o' clock in the evening, Wednesday the fifteenth of February. We got a new guy in our Dutch classes, I felt a bit like a student when our teacher said that, which is weird since I have never been a real student. Anyway, there was this new guy joining our classes and his name happened to be Grant Rogers. Somehow it sounded familiar to me. He was a musculated guy, that was clear to me, even in his too big hoodie. He wore a cap, the hood of his hoodie up and over it. He also wore glasses, black ones. He introduced himself to us, told us he was American, from Brooklyn. He sat down on the only empty chair, the one next to me. "Hi." I said faking a thick American accent. "Hi," he said back. "So your name is Grant huh?" "Yeah, it is." "Grandiose." "That was a terrible joke." I smiled. "I know." "So, what's your name?" "Leah, Leah Waters." "Nice to meet you Leah." "Nice to meet you too." Now tell me, if it's not to much to ask, what brought you here Mr.Brooklyn?" He smiled, probably because of the stupid nickname. "I found out one of my friends was here and I wanted to visit her." "Oh it's a her?" Somehow teasing him felt oddly familiar. "Yes it's a her, but I suppose not in the way you think." "So she's not your girlfriend, or the dearly beloved ex you want back?" He rolled his eyes. "You're a curious one aren't you?" "A bit," I said with a smug grin. He sighs. "She's just a friend, nothing more, I just want to... help her with something, I want to be there for her, since I think she needs me." "That sounds, sweet of you, what happened?" "Well, it's pretty personal." I nodded, I like people who are able to keep secrets. "So that friend of yours, what does she look like, maybe I have seen her." "Uh, she has red hair, green eyes... uhm... uh... how do I say this, she uh..." "Out of words?" "I'm just trying to find the best way to describe her. She uh... she looks mysterious and uhm... pretty good-looking to be honest." "You sure you're just friends?" "Yes," he said sounding a bit angry. "Calm down Brooklyn, just teasing you." He sighed. "You're American too?" "Yeah, New York." "Ah, how strange we never met." If only he knew, I thought. I heard his story, I heard his voice, and most importantly, I saw his face. And under the mask of Grant Rogers, the guy from Brooklyn, was Steve Rogers, the guy from Brooklyn. How stupid of him to use his second name and his real surname, but after all, Steve's a bad liar. And since this was part of the truth he didn't have a hard time telling it. "Well, New-York is a big city. I'm sure it's at least twice the size of this one." "More like three times." "Well, I said at least twice, so in some way I was right." "Yeah okay. So, are you ever going to tell me if you saw my friend or not?" "No, I'm sorry, but I haven't seen her." It was so easy to fool him, not only because of the hair colour and the contacts, but also because I started wearing more make-up, just as a part of the disguise.

After the class was over he came to talk to me, he wanted me to help him look for his friend, which was so ironic for some reason. I did wonder how he found out I was there though, probably got some help from Stark, is he was not angry with him anymore. "Sure I'd like to help you, but just one little question. What's her name?" He smiled. "Oops, that could come in handy when you're searching for someone right? Her name is Natasha, Natasha Romanoff." "That doesn't sound American." "She's Russian." "Oh, you're friends with a Russian? You dare Brooklyn." I gave him a wink and I saw it made him slightly uncomfortable. He's not used to girls flirting with him, so it's fun to do. "Yeah, uh, she's okay. Their leader is a real douche, that doesn't mean all of them are." "Well, there are some crazy Russians, like Ivan Venko." "Venko was crazy yes, I agree on that." "And what about the assassin, the Black Widow, she's dangerous," I said, wondering what his reaction to this would be. "I don't think she is. I think she's just misunderstood." "You do?" "Yes, I do, I mean, I've read her file on the internet and... it's just terrible, everything she was forced to do." "How do you know she was forced to do all of that, how can you be sure of that?" "Because... she told me..." "Yeah, sure." "No really, I mean, I.. I know her, I'm surprised you didn't recognize me as an American." "Oh, but maybe I did." I winked again. "I believe you Rogers." "You do." "You're blonde haired, blue eyed, musculated and I'm sure I have seen your face on TV and on a bag of Dorito's, yes, I believe you." "Please don't start about the Dorito's." "So, I suppose you're looking for her because the Avengers recently lost on of them. I mean, Banner, because Banner's dead." "Yes, that's why I'm looking for her." "Why?" "I can't share that information." "She cared about him a lot?" "She did yes." "And you think she can't get over it, a stone-cold woman like her?" "Uh... I'm sure she can, but she was there when I lost Peggy, so it seemed fitting for me to be there for her now." "Ah, so that's why you're here huh? You sound like a good friend." "Thanks, can I now ask you why you are here?" "Just trying to make this country a bit more dangerous." I smiled and he smiled back. "Well, judging by your looks, I believe you can do that, for men at least." "Is that a compliment?" "Sort of." "Thank you, but you really need to work on that." "Don't try to get me a girlfriend, Nat already tried that." "And did it work?" "Yes, for maybe a year or so, then she found out I'd had a crush on her aunt." "Oh, oh sorry, I almost forgot you're old." "I'm not that old." "Uh, I'm sorry, I thought you were like, ninety-eight or something." "That's not old." "Yes, yes it is, very old." He mumbled something I didn't understand. "So, you got a place to stay over the night, because as far as I know there are still a lot of empty hotel rooms in the hotel were I'm staying." "Uh, thanks, I didn't know where to go yet, I seriously just arrived here." "In a rush to find your friend huh?" "A bit. I haven't seen her in more than a year." "Yeah okay, in that case I can relate to it, I haven't seen any of my friends for a very long time too." He looked at me like he was surprised. "You look like a person who makes friends pretty easily." "I don't, I can be very mistrusting." "Then why do you trust me?" "Who said I trust you? I talk to you, yes, and I'm helping you yes, but that doesn't mean I trust you." "Okay, then you don't, are you going to show me the way to that hotel you were talking about?" "Yeah, sure." I walked, he followed, he checked in and I went up to my room. And for some freaking reason he got the room next to mine.

Not very long after I went up he knocked on my door. I opened and he walked in saying he was told I'd be here. "Well, come in," I said quasi irritated. "I already am," he said with half a grin. "I wanted to discuss some things about looking for Nat, like how early we start." "Not too early I hope, I'm not really a morning person, and I wouldn't want you to meet my morning-monster." "Morning-monster?" "It's bad, really." "I don't think I'm afraid of it." "That's your choice, so how early do you want me to get out?" "I was thinking about six o' clock or something." I groaned, I really do hate having to get up early, and six o'clock is just way to early." "Oh is it really that bad?" "I'm an evening person Brooklyn, so yeah, that's bad. You know how early that is?" "I do actually, it's six o' clock." I rolled my eyes. "This is not the time to be funny." He smiled, "I'm sorry, but I just really want to find Natasha." I sighed, "I understand, and I will help, but can you please move it to seven o' clock?" "No, I actually do want to meet your morning-monster now." I shake my head. "You are an idiot." "I heard that before." "I can imagine." He smiled, "Well, see you tomorrow Leah." "See you tomorrow Brooklyn." He walked out and closed the door behind him. I should have told him it was me he was looking for, but for some reason I didn't want to. It was actually a little bit mean, so I went after him, hoping he was still in the hallway. He tried to close the door of is room, but I put my hand between the door and the doorpost. Shouldn't have done that. "Au!" The door opened in a rush. "Leah, are you okay?" "We need to talk." He looked at me and probably saw my serious expression, for he turned completely serious too. He nodded and let me in. "What's it you want to talk to me about?" "I want to talk about the friend you're looking for, the Black Widow." "Why, I thought you didn't see her?" "Well, I kind of did." I sighed and dropped the accent. "She only looks a bit different at the moment."

I carefully watched him as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "N-Natasha?" He whispered. I nodded soft. "Hi Steve." He looked at me for a moment and then hugged me all of a sudden. "Uh... Rogers." "Oh, right, you're not really used to things like this huh?" "Not really no." He let go of me. "I'm glad to see you." "I'm glad to see you too." I looked down, not really knowing what to say. Then I looked up with a grin on my face. "So you think I'm pretty huh?" His face reddened and I stood there smiling. "Well, you uh... you do look good. There is no denying that, but I have to say, the red looks better on you." "Yeah, I like it better too." We stood there looking at each other in silence, just for a few moments the silence was enough. But eventually I do have to ask him. "Does this mean I don't have to get up at six o'clock this morning?" He smiled, "I actually still want to meet that morning-monster of yours." "No you don't." "Is she still there at seven o' clock?" "Kinda, not as bad as at six o' clock, at seven o' clock she's ready for human interaction." "How did you do that at missions where you had to get up early?" "I'm a pretty good actress." He nodded. "Yeah, I kinda figured that out already." "Well, see you tomorrow at seven then," I said, and I walked out.

The next morning I woke up by the sound of someone knocking on my door. And, as every reasonable person would do, I acted like I didn't hear it. "Natasha, it's seven o' clock." I should have known it was Rogers, he's always right on time. "Natasha I know you heard me." "Go away," I moan and I hear him laugh. "You promised Nat." "I didn't promise anything." I heard him sigh, a faint sound muffled by the door. "Can you just let me in?" I groaned irritatedly, stood up and unlocked the door for him. He opened it and walked in. "Are you going to keep doing that?" He looked me over from head to toe, ignoring my question. Then he smiled. "Your hair is back to normal." "Yeah, it's not like I used real dye or something, you really think I'd ruin my hair permanently for months?" "Permanently for months?" "It's morning, let me be. And now if you don't mind I'm going to take a shower while you go sit on the bed and don't dare to get in the bathroom." "Okay." "Good soldier." I grabbed some clothing out of my bag, a black pants, one of those skin-tight stretchable ones, a black tank-top and a black leather jacket. Really living up to my name, the Black Widow. I showered, got dressed and walked back into the room, my hair still not completely dry. In the meanwhile Steve was laying down on my bed. His blue hoodie hanging over a chair. Underneath it he wore a white t-shirt. "Didn't I tell you to sit on the bed? Also I didn't tell you to undress yourself. Not that I really have a problem with that." He looked up and smiled. "It got a bit warm over here." "Just put it back on soldier," I said, even though I had to say that the sight of his muscles was pleasing. He stood up, picked up his hoodie and put it back on. "Better?" "Yeah, better. So what were you planning to do today?" "A walk trough the old centre of the city, " he said. "That all?" "Uh yes, actually." I sighed. "I guess that's the kind of stuff old people like." "I'm not old!" You're eighty-nine Rogers." "That's not old." "You're right." "Thank you." "It's ancient," I said with a wink. He rolled his eyes, but he smiled. "In that case youngling, would you like to accompany this old man on a walk trough the city," he asked me using an old man voice. "Sure," I said with a slight smile.

We walked outside, were he walked me to a big black car. "Stolen or borrowed," I asked him. "Bought," he said. "Oh, fancy." "Just get in." I seated myself in the car while Steve positioned himself behind the steering-wheel. We drove through the city until we reached the older centre, there he parked the car in a free parking spot. He got out, walked around the car and opened the door for me. "I could have done that myself you know?" I said, even though I thought it was sweet of him to do that. "I know, I think my gentleman instinct took over." "Wow, calm down Mr.Perfect, are you going to tell me it's an instinct now?" "How many nicknames have you got for me?" "Enough." "What does that mean?" "The amount grows with every stupid thing you say or do Language Cop." "Can you please stop about that." I smirked. "Noooooo, that's not going to happen." "Why, do you like to tease me?" "Yes." "And why's that?" "First, because you're my friend, so you can take it. Second, because it's so easy. Are we still going to take that walk or are we just going to stand here to discuss my behaviour?" "Walk," he said grabbing my wrist. He walked, dragging me behind him at first. I quickly catched up to him though. "Calm down soldier, walking on heels is not as easy as I make it look like." "I'm pretty sure you can fight on those things," he said looking at my knee high leather-look boots, but he did slow down though. "You might be right about that."

It was surprisingly warm outside, for the beginning of February I mean. The sun was shining brightly and the sky was clear. "The weather doesn't look very Dutch now does it?" "Not really no." We walked in silence for a while. "So," I began, "what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" He sighed. "How is it you know me so well?" "It's more common knowledge, your facial expression tells me you want to talk with me about something but you don't know how to start." "Oh." "Yeah, so you just better tell me what you want to know, so we can get it over with." "Fine," he sighed, "I just wanted to talk to you about Banner." "Oh." "Just, wanted to know how you're really doing... you know, after he died and all." I sighed, I would have preferred not having to have this conversation. "I'm, well, I don't know. I mean, yes, of course it makes me sad to think about, but I'm just not the person who's going to cry about it and..." I sighed. "It's hard to explain how I feel okay?" "Yeah, okay, I thought your answer would be like this." "Then why did you ask?" "Just to be sure." I rolled my eyes. "Oh Rogers, you know I wouldn't have told you if I felt any different." Not that I felt any different. "I hoped you would." "You know how I am." "I just hoped you trusted me enough." "I do trust you." "In that case, tell me, what more is behind this?" "Behind what?" "That you're so, normal, so calm, that you seem to take it so lightly." I sighed. "Come on Rogers." "Just tell me." "Steve." Natasha." He stopped me right on the middle of the street. He stood in front of me, looking into my eyes. I have to say, he's got beautiful blue eyes. So light, like a cloudless sky. "I'm just worried Nat, you're one of my best friends and you recently lost someone you loved." "You really want to know?" "Yes, that's why I'm asking." "It's because I know Banner would have wanted me to go on, he wouldn't have wanted me to grieve for too long. Which, clearly, also isn't really my style." He nodded. "I understand." "Good for you, so, that was the only reason for this walk?" "Uh, kinda. But, we can keep on walking if you'd like too." I nodded and we kept walking.

I was a bit confused, I never thought of the fact that he could be worried about me. But I guessed that's just what friends do. Clint did it too when I was caught by Ultron. I looked at him and caught his eyes, he immediately looked away. We walked in silence until we eventually reached the parking spot where he parked the car.

It was eleven a.m. so we went back to the hotel where we had lunch together. "So, how did you get your hair back to normal so fast exactly?" "It was outwash-able soldier, come on." "Sorry for not understanding, I'm just an old man, don't judge me." "Should I start calling you grandpa in that case?" "Nat, do I look like a grandpa?" "No." "There's your answer." I smiled. "That's a pity, I hoped I could give you another nickname." "Don't you think it's enough already?" "No Brooklyn." "Maybe I need to come up with some nicknames for you." "I'd like to see you try." "Kay Red-devil." "Oh, I like that." He sighed. "Well, that's not what I wanted." "Don't tell me there's not one of your nickname's you're okay with." He rolled with his eyes. "It's soldier isn't it?" He smiled, "Okay, okay, you're right." "Good soldier." "I'm not a dog Nat." "You sure? You'd make a great Labrador, or maybe a golden retriever." "In what ways am I like a dog?" "Well, you are loyal and you're friendly, you're good at protecting people." "I guess I'm supposed to say thank you now." "No need to. So, is there an animal I look like? Except for a little spider?" "Hmm, let me think about that. I know you're loyal, much more than you want us to believe, you're protective too, but also adventurous and you do have a killer instinct." "Yeah, thank you for mentioning it." "So probably some kind of predator, you know, let's just keep it on something as misunderstood as you are..." "Again, thank you." "Something that is a bit like a dog. A wolf, because you'd fight till death for the people you love, you attack when provoked or when you're in danger. You're misunderstood and people view you as lonely, so a wolf is fitting." "For the third time, thank you," I said even more sarcastic than I said it the first two times. "Sorry." "Thank you." This time I meant it.

Then the waiter brought us our lunch. We sat there, eating in silence. I looked at the people, who looked at us as if they thought we were a couple. Which isn't an unusual thing to see in hotel restaurants of course. "Why are they staring at us like that?" Steve asked. "You're really so innocent, aren't you Mr.Perfect?" "What?" "Oh come on," I said smiling, "it's so obvious what those people are thinking." "Oh... OH. But, that's not what's going on." "Yeah, they can't see that." "True." Suddenly a little kid walked over to us. "Are... are you.. Captain America?" He asked with a whisper. The boy had blond hair and blue eyes, just like Steve. He wore a black T-shirt with Cap's shield on it. He looked at Steve, then he looked down at his shoe's. It was actually pretty cute to see. "Yes, that's me," he said with a slight smile, "don't tell anyone, okay?" The kid smiled, his eyes wide and he nodded. "I just wanted to say you're my hero," he said and ran away. "That was cute." "It was a good kid yes," he said. Suddenly the kid came back. "Sir, is she your girlfriend?" "Uh well, she's a girl and a friend, but not exactly my girlfriend no." "Why not?" "Uh, well." "Oh, this is going to be funny," I said. "What's your name miss," the little boy asked. "My name is Natasha, Natasha Romanoff." The little boy gasped, "You're the Black Widow!" "Shhh, keep it silent." He abruptly closed his mouth. "What's your name kid?" "My name is Peter, like Spider-Man." "You really like superheroes don't you?" "Yes," he said smiling from ear to ear. Then he handed Steve a black felt-tip pen. "Would you please sign my T-shirt?" Steve took the pen and signed the shirt by putting his autograph right over the shield. The boys eyes lighted up at this. "Here's your pen again boy," Rogers said handing him the pen back. The boy ran away smiling. "He still didn't get his answer though." "Yes he did, we're just friends." "Yeah, that's good enough. Children don't always get stuff like that." "That's because they're so young." I couldn't leave it. "That's why you understand so much." "What do you mean?" "Because you're so old soldier." "I'll just take it as a compliment this time." Then his phone went over. "With Steve Rogers," he said. Suddenly his face went pale. "What? No, that can't be. Hydra is gone."

I looked up at the word Hydra. "T'Challa, that can't be happening." Something was wrong, something was completely wrong. "You said what? A pact with Hydra?" I wondered what was the thing that was wrong. "Okay, I'm coming to Wakanda." I couldn't hear T'Challa's answer, but Steve suddenly frowned. "What else could I do? I'm not going to leave Bucky unprotected." Bucky? This was about Bucky? "But, I don't know my way around there." He was silent again, listening to T'Challa's answer. "Yes, I did." Pretty closely followed by, "Yes she is." Followed by, "Okay, I'll see what I can do." Then he hang up. "What was that about?" "Hydra, they found Bucky." "And what now?" "Now we're going to take down their new partners." I was almost afraid to ask? "Who are their new partners?" "Well, actually it's just one division." "Who is it Steve?" "The KGB." I was afraid of that. "Oh." "And now T'Challa wants me to go to Russia to take them down." "Oh." He looked at me for a while. "Are you going?" "I have to, to protect Bucky." I nodded. "I'm coming with you." He looked at me for a while, like he was worrying about me. "Are you sure Natasha, I know you... How you feel about the KGB." "You really think I'd let you go alone? First, you don't know a thing about Russian culture, second, you don't know a thing about the KGB, third..." What was my third reason? "You're my friend and I want to help you, no matter what. I know how much Bucky means to you and I don't want him to fall in the hands of those monsters." That, that was it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you really sure about this?" He asked me the next morning at the airport. "I am." I said and walked off to the gate. He followed right behind me. And when he started walking I heard a heavy sigh. He didn't want me to come. Not because he didn't want me around, but because he didn't want me to relive my memories. It was nice of him to care about me, but I still wouldn't let him go alone. He didn't seem to realise how dangerous those people really were. Or maybe he did, it was hard to read him sometimes. "Nat come on, you can still get out of this." "Oh quit it," I said, "I'm coming with you and you'll just have to deal with it." "But you really don't-" I gave him a look that told him to shut up, so he did. We walked to the plane in silence, from Steve's side it was a disapproving silence, from my side a slightly irritated one. It lasted until we sat down on our seats in the plane. Steve broke the silence with a sigh and whispered, "I guess I'll just have to let you go with me then. At least you're good company, very stubborn, but good." I smiled, "Thank you, it's kind of what I do." "Being stubborn?" "When I'm right yes." He sighed, but he smiled.

The plane took off and the country became smaller underneath us. I saw how the trees became green blurs, how they became little specs as we went higher and higher. "Isn't it funny how small we actually are?" "What?" "We're so small, I mean, look at how big the world is," I said pointing out the window, "You can't even see individual trees from up here, and trees are bigger than us." He looked outside, "We're small indeed. And it's pretty ironic if you think of the destruction humans wrought." "Oh god Steve..." "What?" "That you really need to look at al the wrongs of the world." He looked at me, "I guess that's just what war does with a person." "Just try not to okay?" "Hmmm, okay." It wasn't too long before we reached Russia, but Steve fell asleep anyway. I guessed he'd been worrying about Bucky all night. Seems like a thing he would do. I shook him awake and he accidentally slapped me defending himself. "Au, watch out Rogers!" He looked up at me, still a bit sleepy. Then he realized what he had done and shot up straight. "Oh my, I'm sorry Nat, I didn't mean to do that." "It's alright, I can handle it." Nat your whole cheek is red." "Is it?" "Yes, yes it is." I took my phone out of my pocket and switched it to front camera. My whole right cheek was indeed red. I examined it for a while and eventually put my phone back in my pocket. "Good job soldier," I said teasingly with a wink. He looked at me open mouthed, surprised by my reaction. And I laughed at how stupid he looked doing that. "You're not mad?" "Oh come on Rogers, I've had worse."

We got out of the plane, got our bags and went to the hotel were we booked a room. We booked just one room, one with two beds. I wasn't very happy with that, but it was less suspicious and at least I got to drive us around. Steve didn't seem to be very happy about that, especially since I went a bit over the speed limit. "Nat, can you please slow down?" "Oh come on Rogers, don't be such a chicken." "Chicken, why a chicken?" "Because it's an easily scared bird, which makes at a bit of a play on that American bald eagle." He sighed, "can't you do better than that?" "I put some thought in this one chicken, appreciate it." He smiled and shook his head. At that point we arrived at the hotel. It was a big hotel somewhere in the centre of Moscow, pretty close to our target.

Our target looked like a normal ballet school from the outside and partly from the inside, since there was a real ballet room. But I knew there was more in there. I knew there were innocent young girls there, training to become cold-blooded assassins, most of them, if not all of them, against their will. I knew the people who worked there, or at least most of them, I knew the punishments they gave the girls whenever they did something wrong. And I knew I never wanted to go in there. Not again. Our target was the red-room where I was trained. Steve didn't know that, and I didn't intend to tell him. Maybe he'd figure out if we went in, maybe I'd break down right there and that would be very awkward, but somehow I was reluctant to tell him. Maybe I didn't want to tell him because I was sure he'd try to stop me to go in there. Maybe it was something different, like me hating to share my past with others. I think now that it was an equal mix of both. The only people who knew exactly where I was trained at that time were Clint and Fury.

Steve got the keys to our room while I was examining the lobby. He walked over to me, showed me the little golden keys, one for both of us, and we walked to our room together. There we both sat down on a bed. "So, what's the plan soldier?" He looked at me in surprise. "I was going to ask you that, since you know more about the KGB and all." "Well I thought you wanted to make the plans, since you're Captain America and all." He looked at me hesitantly. "Steve?" "Uh... I think there's something I need to tell you." I looked him straight in the eye, "Tell me." "I'm not exactly Captain America anymore." "You're what?" "I'm not Captain America, not anymore, I dropped the shield, left it with Stark, and with that I dropped the role of Captain America." "You must be joking!" "I'm afraid I'm not." "Why, why did you do that? What if the world needs you?" "That's it Natasha, I don't want it anymore, I don't want the world to turn to me whenever I'm needed." "Steve... I understand that, but, you, did you, did you consider all the consequences? Did you really do it because you don't want to be Captain America anymore, or was it just that moment?" He looked at me and he looked confused. "It doesn't matter, not anymore, I dropped the role and I'm pretty sure Tony won't give me the shield back." "You never know." "Well, he seemed angry with me the last time I saw him, of course I don't know how he reacted to the letter I send him." "I'm pretty sure he's not as angry with you as he is with me." He grinned, "Might be you're right. I at least apologized and told him he could count on me if he'd ever need me. " "So, what happened after?" "After what?" "After Tony beat you and took your "team" prisoner." "I freed my "team"." "Good. So now again, what are the plans?" He sighed, "Okay, this is all I know, I think we should go undercover." "No shit Sherlock," I mumbled. "Oh, oh sorry." "What?" he asked. "I used bad language," I said with a teasing smile. He sighed, "Will you ever stop about that?" "No." "I was afraid you'd say that." I smiled again. "Don't smile like it's funny." "Should I smile like it makes me sad then?" "What?" "So, we're going undercover huh?" "Uh... yeah we are," he said a little distracted by the change of subject. "And how were you planning to do that?" "I thought uh... maybe you could get a job there." Oh gosh no. "Sure, and what would you do?" "I'd try the same, only on a different level, I'll disguise myself as a Hydra agent, they formed a pact with them anyway. I'll just need to do something with my face. I'm pretty wel-known all over the world." "You think I shouldn't do anything about my looks?" "Not the way I'm planning it." "And with that you mean?" "You're the Black Widow, I'm sure they'll be glad to have you back." "You want me to go in there as myself?" "That's exactly what I want." "Steve you're crazy!" "No, think about it, S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't exist anymore, you'd need a job. Just tell them that you... that you just tried to make the world trust you or something like that. Or give them a good reason why you left the right side, you can come up with a convincing lie." I looked at him for a while, I wanted to tell him that I wasn't okay with this. I mean, yes, his plan would work, I'd come up with a convincing lie, because they thought me how to. And if I'd get a job there, and believe me, I would, I know which job I'd get. Training the girls... And that would bring back so many memories, maybe, probably, too many. But, since we had to do something, and I couldn't come up with anything better, and I didn't want to tell Rogers, I agreed on it. "Okay, I'll do that," I said in a cool voice that almost didn't sound like me anymore. "Now we're going to buy you some hair dye," I said and I stood up. "We're gonna what?" "Buy you some hair dye, and coloured contacts too." "Why?" "you're going undercover, that's why. What colour would you like your hair?" "Uh, what about red, like yours?" I sighed and rolled my eyes, "That'll do, maybe we could keep your eyes blue with that and I could make it look like you have freckles." "You're planning to make me a ginger?" "Yes, pretty much, come on." I walked out, he followed me and locked the door of our hotel room.

It's a good thing I knew my way around Moscow, otherwise we would have never found the right shops. I bought Steve some hair dye and some new clothes, so he wouldn't stand out too much. I dyed his hair, something he didn't particularly like, must have been the smell, or maybe the fact that I wasn't being soft on him, and he took a shower after that. He walked back into our hotel room wearing a pair of black jeans. Only a pair of black jeans. I have to admit it was pretty pleasing to look at him while he was not wearing a t-shirt. I stared at him for a while, not able to take my eyes of his chest. "Ahem, my eyes are up here." I looked into his eyes. "Uh, sorry for that," I said, feeling the heat rushing up to my cheeks. He took one of his new shirts out of one of the plastic bags and I was trying not to look at him while he did that. Don't judge me, I'm just a woman after all. I made his face look freckled and gave him a little fake scar right through his left eyebrow. He looked at himself in the mirror. "You okay with it?" "Yeah, you did a pretty good job." "I know I did." He rolled his eyes. "Shall we go?" "Give me some time to come up with a lie." "Can't you improvise?" "I can, but it's easier and more convincing if I immediately answer the questions." "Okay, but I'm going." I sighed, he knew I'd come after him. "Fine, I'll improvise."

We walked to the KGB base. There Steve took the back door. I took the front door. I waited till I was sure Steve was in. He'd send me a message if he got in and if he couldn't come in. Not much later I got the message. 'I'm in.' It said. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to do. I breathed out and walked in. The fact that everything still looked the same was a surprise and a shock to me. I walked past the ballet-room and in a flash I saw myself, young again, in the mirror. I stood still for a moment, unable to move. Then I shook my head, don't act so ridiculous Natasha, I thought. I started walking again, and I noticed the young girls staring at me. I was sure they knew who I was, how could they not. I was kind of the best student ever. Something I still hate to be remembered of. I kept my head high as I walked past them towards the office.

Instead of the man who ran the office when I was young, who so proudly trained me when he saw my potential there sits the woman who trained the girls during the time I lived here. "Natalia?" I nodded, trying to hide my surprise. "What are you doing here?" She sounds slightly angry. "Looking for a job." Now it was her Anastasia, who was surprised. "You're looking for a job." I nodded. "Why here?" she sounded suspicious. "Why not here?" I asked, avoiding the question. "Because I thought you hated it here, since you went to S.H.I.E.L.D. and everything." She had me there. "Hating is an overstatement," I said as convincing as possible. "Still, why come here?" "Where else could I go? All my files are on the internet, nobody would trust me to work for them. Except, maybe for the people who trained me to be like this." She looked at me, less surprised this time. "Always willing to stay alive, aren't you?" "You say it like it's a bad thing." She smiled a fake smile and I saw something in her eyes that I didn't trust. "Well, I need someone to train those girls, and I could give that spot to you." There was a but coming, I was sure about that. "But," there it was, "how can I be sure I can trust you?" "You've trained me yourself for a while." "I did indeed, that's why I know you're a very convincing liar." She stood there for a moment, looking at me, thinking. "Hmm, I think I know exactly how I can trust you." "What's it?" "I know that one of the girls had plans to escape this afternoon, I was planning to punish her myself, but this is a very good opportunity for you to show your loyalty." I swallowed, hoping she didn't see it. "You know the punishment for trying to escape don't you?" I nodded, I still know, that's why I never tried to escape. If the girls try to escape they'll be killed, that's one of the ways how they sort out the strong from the weak. "Where is she?" "At this point she's probably being caught by our guards, she'll be here any moment." Just as she had said that the door opened and two guards, one KGB agent, and one of Hydra's brought the girl in. I looked at the Hydra agent, which wasn't a real Hydra agent, but Steve. They walked out as Anastasia gave me the gun. Steve looked me in the eye before he closed the door and we were alone again. Alone with the young girl, she couldn't be much older than fourteen and I was going to kill her. I had to, I needed Anastasia to trust me. I took the gun, pointed it at the girl and closed my eyes. "Keep your eyes open Natalia, I didn't think you'd still have trouble with that." I opened my eyes and looked at the girl. She was frightened, she knew her punishment. For a moment our eyes locked and I knew she begged me not to do this. Anastasia saw my hesitation and almost grabbed the gun out of my hand when I shot. Right through the girls head, so she wouldn't feel any pain. "Good job Natalia, it seems like I can trust you after all," she said with an evil smile. "You can start tomorrow." I nodded and walked away, not caring if it seemed rude.

I walked all the way to the hotel, where I laid myself down on my bed. I waited for Steve to return, which would still take some hours, it was around five p.m. when he opened the door and found me there. I must have looked completely in shock, for he ran over to me asking me what was wrong. I just shook my head, afraid to speak. "Natasha, please tell me." He looked worried. Again I shook my head. He sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Nat, I want to help you, you know that right?" I nodded. "and you know I can only help you if you tell me what happened right?" I nodded again. "So can you please tell me what happened?" I sighed and I nodded. "They... needed to be sure they could trust me," I said in a weak voice. "How?" "You remember that girl?" I said, my voice trembling. "I do yes, she tried to escape." "She did indeed, so she needed to be punished." "How?" I shook my head again. How could I tell him I killed an innocent girl? "Natasha, how?" I breathed out shakily, I knew I had to answer. "I had to kill her," I whispered. "And... did... did you kill her?" I gave a short nod. He stood up. "How could you?" I sat straight up. "What else could I do?" "You could have refused!" "Oh, you think so? They wouldn't have trusted me Rogers! I wouldn't have gotten a job and our mission would have failed." "I don't care Natasha, you killed an innocent girl." "An innocent girl you say? You think she never killed anyone herself, do you?" "You think she did?" "You don't know how early they learn that stuff there Rogers, it's a part of the elimination. When someone loses the winner gets the "honour" of killing the loser." "Still, you shouldn't have killed her, she had a whole life to live!" "If that's what you call living! Because I don't! I know what that girl has been through, you don't!" He looked at me, it's almost like he had forgotten I was once trained by the KGB. I sat there, trembling, giving him an angry glare. "You really think she didn't know the consequences? She knew she'd die, she knew what would happen if she got caught and she still tried it anyway." I stood up. "And you know why? Because the life there is so terrible it makes you willing to die!" He stared at me, open mouthed and wide eyed. And I couldn't stand it anymore. I sat down on the bed, pulled up my legs, wrapped my arms around my legs, laid my head down on my knees, my nose in the little space between my knees and I started crying silently.

After a while I felt Steve sitting down next to me. He put an arm around me and pulled me close to him. "It's the red room where you were trained isn't it." "Yes," I managed to say. "Why didn't you tell me?" I wiped the tears from my face. "I didn't want you to think I was afraid." "Nat, I would only think it was natural considering everything you went through there." I sniffed, "You would have stopped me from coming with you." "I probably would've yes. And it would have been for the better." "For me maybe, but not for you." "You think I can't protect myself?" "No, I know you're perfectly capable of doing that, but, like I already told you, you know nothing about the KGB except for the little I told you, and that's not enough. You need me there if you want to help Bucky." He sighed, he knew I was right. "Okay, you might be right about that." "Might?" He smiled, "Okay, you are right about that. But you still should have told me." "Well that wouldn't exactly have made it easier for me, you know?" "Still." "Okay, okay, I should have told you." "So, now I want to know, are you still going through with this?" "Of course I am." "In that case, what job did you get?" I breathed in deeply and breathed out while saying, "Training the girls." He looked me right in the eye, I was sure he was worried and I told him not to look at me like that. "I can handle it." "I know you can, I just think it'll break you." "Well in that case you shouldn't think, anyway, it's you plan soldier. Also, it means you don't think I can handle it." "Okay, maybe it means I don't. And I'd feel like it would be on me if you broke." You feel responsible for me?" "Well, kind of, I feel responsible for what happens to you. And for the emotional damage you might get." I snorted, "I've chosen to come with you myself and to follow your orders, you don't have to feel responsible for the emotional damage I will develop. Also, stop giving me that worried look of yours, I can't stand it anymore." He looked down. "Sorry, I know you mean it well, and I appreciate it, really, but I just don't want you to worry about me and Bucky at the same time. I can get through this Rogers, really." "If you say so," he whispered, "just make sure it won't be too much for you." "I will," I said with I slight smile. I only said it to make him shut up, because I knew it was already too much, he didn't need to know that.

We ate, I took a shower, he took a shower when I was done, we watched a movie and we went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep at first, knowing I'd have nightmares after what happened today. But eventually I drifted away into dark dreams. I was a young girl again, couldn't have been older than fifteen. I was fighting one of the other girls and, of course, I won. "Winner, Natalia." Someone handed me a gun, and suddenly I was in Anastasia's office again, facing the young girl. I shot and I suddenly woke up. Steve was sitting next to my bed. "Nat, are you okay?" "I'm fine, just a nightmare." He nodded, "I thought so yes. You want to talk about it?" To my own surprise I nodded. I told him I had a hard time coping with killing that girl, how it reminded me of what I had done in my past. He just listened, an arm around me. He comforted me just by being there. Somehow we fell asleep like that. The next morning I woke up finding Steve staring at my face, my head was laying on his shoulder. "Good morning," he said with a soft smile. "Morning. What time is it?" "Eight o'clock." "How long have you been awake already?" "Five minutes or so." "Five minutes huh?" "You looked so cute, I didn't want to wake you." I shot up. "Me, cute?" He laughed at my reaction. "Honestly, yes, you looked cute." I just shook my head while mumbling, "I'm not cute." Then I walked towards the bathroom with some clothing, pushed him out of the way because he was standing in front of the door, took a shower and got dressed again.

When I got back Steve was doing push-ups. "Do you really have to be shirtless to do that?" "Well, it helps." "How does it help?" "It helps because I don't have to be afraid to rip my shirt, I've had several holes in shirts doing this." "Then you must have been doing something wrong." "Uh well, let's just say Stark was around and drunk..." "And now the real reason." "No sweat stains in my shirts." "Oh gosh Mr.Perfect strikes again." He stood up and walked over to me. "What are you trying to do Rogers, distract me?" He looked at himself. "Does this distract you?" "Well, most women would think you're pleasing to look at." "Are you one of "most women"?" "Why did you think I was constantly flirting with you back in 2013?" "Because you like to flirt." I shrugged, "True yes, but you're also a handsome man Rogers and I'm just a woman. And every woman has desires." He raised an eyebrow. "What, you can't believe a woman would ever look at you and think: Damn he's hot?" He blinked. "What?" "Should I translate it to old man language for you?" "No, I perfectly well understood you, I only never thought you'd think anything like that." "Good, that means I'm still a mysterious woman." "You'll always be a mysterious woman." I smiled, "I wouldn't want it any other way." "Shall we just go?" "Seems like a plan." We walked to the base again, both for work this time. I was actually surprised that Steve got in yesterday, he probably didn't look suspicious at all, just another Hydra agent. I smiled at how stupid they were. "Why are you smiling?" "Because they're all idiots." "Who?" "The KGB agents." "Why are they idiots?" "Because they trust us." "It went pretty easy didn't it?" "It did yes," I stopped, "a bit too easy." "What do you mean?" "That it's a bit suspicious, she trusted me so easily, too easily." "Is that bad?" "It's the woman who taught me to lie Steve, yes it's bad." He nodded, "That's bad yes, but we should still go. We need to find out what's going on there. Maybe you can really gain her trust." "Why should I? I mean, if I ever get close to her I could easily kill her, that's why we're here anyway and I don't trust it anymore." "We need a plan Nat." I sighed, "I know, I just want this to be over." "I understand, but we can't just rush and do it without a plan." "I know, I know." "So, we make a plan as soon as we get back in our hotel room, good?" I smiled. "Good." And so we did.

When we were both back in our hotel room we came up with a plan. We would gain their trust and then attack when they wouldn't expect it. It would take a long time, but we didn't know anything better. Sometimes the best plans require time. After coming up with a plan we went to sleep. I had nightmares again and Steve woke me again. "Nightmares again?" "Yeah." He pulled me into a hug. "It's just a dream Nat." "I wish it was," I whispered. He looked me in the eye. "What?" "They're kind of like my memories of when I was a young girl of around the age of the girls I train." "Oh... OH." "Yeah." "So, it's not just a dream." "No, no it's not." "I'm so sorry you have to relive all of that again Nat." "You don't even know what happened." "No, but I know it must be terrible, because you're afraid of it and you're one of the bravest people I know." "I'm sure you know braver people, you've fought a war." "I did yes. But, I think you come pretty close to those soldiers." "Shut up." He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "No really, I'm sure those soldiers would be scared too." "Steve, you're starting to make a bit of a fool of yourself, I mean, I know you mean well, but it just sounds stupid." "Thanks, I'm trying my best, I just don't know what to say okay?" "I know, otherwise you wouldn't sound this stupid." We talked for a while. He comforted me and I felt safe enough to tell him everything the KGB did to me. While doing this he just listened and stared at me in disbelief. "They really are monsters." At that point I was afraid he'd see me as a monster too, but somehow he chose not to. "Yeah, they are, every single one of them." "Hmm, except the ones who chose a different life." "You really think so?" "I know so." We fell asleep again.

The next morning we did the same things as the mornings before, it was becoming a bit of a routine. I showered, he did push-up's and we went to the KGB. We went on like this for several weeks. It was tiring for me to train those girls for so long. Not physically, but mentally. During the breaks I tried to put my mind on something else by hacking the KGB computers and I found a way to shut down their entire system, just as Steve hoped I would. Just then Anastasia called me to her office. It was the day before we would put our plan in action. "Natalia, you're really doing a wonderful job with the girls," Anastasia said with a fake smile. "Well, I learned from the best," I said with a smile as fake as hers. "Why don't you sit down, have some coffee with me." I knew I shouldn't do that, I couldn't trust her. "Sounds good. I'd like some coffee." I drank the coffee she handed me and Immediately knew something was wrong. I could taste it, one of the skills I learned here. It was poison, not deadly, but paralysing, it worked slowly, so I had to handle quickly. I drank the coffee, staring her right in the eye the whole time. Then smiled at her, "This was very stupid of you," out of a rush I grabbed a knife out of an inside pocket of my jacket and I stabbed her. It couldn't wait until tomorrow anymore, she knew we were planning something. Suddenly an alarm went off, I saw her hand lying on a red button on the desk. "Fuck," I whispered. This was bad, they'd come for me now. I walked out of the office, trying to act casual but I felt myself getting heavier. Or so it felt thanks to the poison. I was attacked by a bunch of agents, I fought them and suddenly we were in the red room. A literal red room full of hospital equipment. I hated this room more than any of the rooms in this building. We fought the agents, most of the girls died as they were somehow trying to help me for some reason, I felt bad for them, but I had to concentrate. The room became a mess, everybody was fighting everybody. It didn't take long before it turned into chaos. In this chaos I got shot in my left leg, in the back of my knee. I fell on the ground, hitting my head hard on something. I felt people walking over me, heard more gunshots and then I blacked out. I tried not to, I wanted not to. It's not that I was afraid to die, I just wanted to get Rogers out, explain him why I did this and above all, wanted to make sure he was safe. But I couldn't do any of this, I could only slowly fade into paralysed unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up, still in the red room. The only other people there were dead. They must have thought I was dead too. I tried to push myself up, but my knee had other plans. I remembered being shot and I wanted to look at it, but I heard sounds coming from the hall. I got up as quickly as I could, and that was pretty slow, and hid myself behind the door, for lack of a better hiding place. I grabbed a gun from a nearby body and checked if it was loaded. It still had four bullets, not much, but hopefully enough. Someone walked into the room, he looked around and he saw me. I killed him before he could do anything, then, when nobody came to look. I slowly crawled out of my hiding place to get out of there.

It was night already, what day, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was walking, or at least I tried to walk, it was more some sort of limping, through the dark alleys of Moscow. At some point I heard people talking, one voice came my way. I saw a flashlight. "I'm sure I heard something here," a male voice said. I quickly pulled the hood of the hoodie I stole over my head. The flashlight shone on me. "Oh damn," the voice said, and it sounded oddly familiar. "What's wrong?" a woman's voice asked. "Nothing, just a woman with a gun." "A what now?" The man approached me. "Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you, oh wow, uh, her clothes are bloodstained." "Tony get away from her!" Tony? "Why? She doesn't look dangerous." I now recognized the voice as Stark's. "You said she has a gun." Pepper walked into the light of Tony's flashlight. She gasped, "Oh my god." "Yeah, she looks a bit horrifying." "A bit, Tony, she's got blood all over her clothing and she clearly got stab wounds." I looked down at myself. "That's why she needs help." "I don't even think she understands you." I rolled my eyes. Please, I can understand you perfectly. "I'm just wondering what happened to her. Maybe it got something to do with that alarm going off somewhere in the city." "That would be too big of a coincidence Tony." I smiled. "Well then," I said in a hoarse voice, "this is too big of a coincidence." They both looked at me. "She understood our whole conversation," Pepper said, looking slightly surprised. Tony on the other hand looked as if he saw water burning. Pepper looked at him, "Tony?" "I... I thought I... her voice..." "What's with her voice?" "It sounded familiar to me." In the meanwhile, I was leaning on a wall to my left, my left foot slightly from the ground. Tony slowly walked over to me. "Tony don't!" He did it anyway, because Tony never listens to anyone. Well, not never but, oh well, you know what I mean, he's a stubborn idiot sometimes. He lowered the hood of my stolen hoodie and shone his with his phone flashlight right into my face. I quickly closed my eyes. "Natasha," I heard Tony whisper. "Natasha? You mean Natasha Romanoff?" "Yes, it's Nat. Natasha?" I opened my eyes. "What happened?" I suddenly felt dizzy and I also had a terrible headache, signs of a concussion, which wouldn't be too weird, since I was pretty sure I hit my head on something hard. But I didn't remember what exactly had happened. I shook my head, "I don't remember. Or at least not all of it." I suddenly felt sick. He looked at me. "Pepper, call an ambulance." "No, please no!" "Nat, you need one." I sighed, he was right, but I didn't want to explain what I did know. "If they ask you what happened, just play dumb," he told me. I nodded, "Already planning to do that." Pepper called an ambulance and it arrived quickly, turned out we were close to the hospital. I needed surgery, the bullet was still in my leg and it needed to be taken out. The rest of that day passed in a haze of sleeping and throwing up. Not one of my best days, let's keep it on that.

The next day I felt better, I still had a headache, but I could live with that. Since my wounds weren't life threatening I was free to go. And since I had nowhere to go Tony took me to a house he bought somewhere in Russia, just outside Moscow. "It's more of a summer house really, we're only decorating it a bit right now. And why are you in Russia?" "Long story." "I'm sure we've got enough time." "You know, I'm surprised you didn't turn me in yet." "Natasha." "Okay, I'll tell you. We were on a mission." "We? You and who?" "Steve." There was silence for a few seconds, until I realized, "STEVE!" "What's whit him?" "He's still there, I didn't have time to warn him, this is not good, his cover is blown." "Okay, please calm down and tell me what happened." "Well, we were on a mission to take down a KGB base, which was also their headquarters, but that's not very relevant now. Anyway, we had a plan, but I'm pretty sure the leader, Anastasia, found out, because she poisoned me." "But you're still alive." "Not all poisons kill, this one only slowly paralyses. So, I was sure she was going to kill me when I was paralysed. To make sure that wouldn't happen I stabbed her right through her heart, but she pushed some kind of alarm button, which created complete chaos. After that I only remember being shot in my leg and hitting my head on something hard." "And Steve was in that building too?" "Yes, he was undercover as a Hydra agent." "Hydra," he said, he tried to hide his shock, but he failed. "The KGB formed a pact with Hydra, so yes, he was dressed up as a Hydra agent, but I'm pretty sure they knew about that too. He must be captured." "Dammit. Where do you think they're keeping him now?" well, since Kiev was the second biggest base, my bet is on Kiev." "Kiev huh?" "Yes, Ukraine once belonged to the Soviet remember, they got bases there too. Tony, we need to go there." "We don't need to do anything." "Tony I can't leave Steve there." "Sorry, I meant you are going nowhere. I'm going alone." "Tony are you crazy?" "No, maybe." "I'm coming with you." "No you're not, you can't fight, you got a shot wound, seven stab wounds and a concussion remember." He was right, I couldn't fight. "I can handle it." "Tony, you don't know how dangerous they are." "I've dealt with terrorists Natasha, I can handle it." I sighed, "Fine, can you give me a piece of paper and a pen?" "What do you need that for?" "So I can draw you a map of the building." "Oh," he handed me a pen and a piece of paper and I drew him a map.

He brought me to his home and then took off wearing one of his I don't know how many suits. I stayed in his house with Pepper. "So, you had a mission, and it all went wrong and Steve was still in there?" I nodded. "Who gave you the mission?" "T'Challa." "Who?" "The king of Wakanda." "Oh wait, Black Panther." "Yes." "And why did he need your help?" "It was to protect Bucky." "Bucky? Isn't that the guy who killed Tony's parents?" "He was brainwashed." "So it's him, the Winter Soldier." "It's him yes. Only, not brainwashed. Steve thought he'd be safe in Wakanda, turns out Hydra found him anyway." "And they formed a pact with the KGB?" "Yes." "And the KGB is..?" "Hard to explain, but it's no good." We waited several hours for Tony to return, talking about this and that. Somehow the whole Natalie Rushman thing came up again. "It was just weird to see okay, I mean, you don't really look like a fighter and still you took Happy down with ease." I smiled, "You should have seen your faces." "But that wasn't the worst. The worst was Tony's birthday party." "He did misbehave yes." "That was because someone told him to do whatever he wanted." "Well, don't blame me, I couldn't know he'd become drunk, neither did I know he'd start shooting at water melons." "You know that wasn't the worst part." "If Rhodey stayed out of it nothing of that would have happened." "We needed Tony to be serious." I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry, does that make you feel better?" "A bit, I wonder what else he did that I don't know about." I looked away. "You don't want to know." "What happened?" "Nothing special, just... Tony being a playboy." "He flirted with you?" "Yeah..." I said, "and maybe a bit more than that," I added in w whisper. "What?" "Told you you didn't want to know." "You let him do that?" "Just a part of my act." She gave me an angry look, then she sighed. "Well, that's all in the past now. And I could have expected it. You should have seen his reaction when you walked in. He Googled you." "Oh, he did? Uh, he didn't happen to stumble upon some photos of a photoshoot in Tokyo right?" "He did." "Oh." "And do you really speak Latin?" "I do, why?" "It's a dead language." "I can still speak it." "Say something in Latin." "Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus." "And that means?" "It means Never tickle a sleeping dragon, it also means I've been spending too much time on the internet while searching for news about the Avengers." "How so?" "It's the motto of the fake wizarding school Hogwarts in the Harry Potter books." She gave me a confused look. "Well it's just, I was searching on social media sites too, and Tumblr just happens to be full of stuff like that." "Oh, okay." "I was desperate to find something about them okay?" "I understand that."

Not long after that Tony arrived, together with Steve. "Hey Nat," he managed to say, before I managed to get up and hug him. "I was afraid you'd be dead," I whispered. "Well, I'm not." I smiled. "You're not." "Ahem," Tony said. "You two need some space?" I gave an irritated sigh. "No, we don't." "Well it looks like you do." He smiled. "You look closer then I have ever seen the two of you, especially since it's you Nat, who hugs Steve, not the other way around. Very interesting this." "Get that grin off of your face." He turned around, grabbed Pepper by her arm and walked away. "It's pretty late guys," he said. Then he walked out and I was sure I heard him snigger. "That was weird," Steve said. "It sure was." "But, he's right, it's late." "Well, I wonder if he expects us to sleep on the couch." "There's a guest room in the hallway Mr.Stark just entered, last door on your left. It has two beds and I'm afraid it's the only guest room." "Jarvis?" "Mr.Stark re-installed me."

We followed Jarvis's orders and found the room he was talking about. "A pity we don't have our stuff here." "Oh yeah, about our stuff, Tony and I picked that up on the way here." I saw the suitcases on the beds. "Thanks, good of you to think of that." Steve walked out so I could change into my pyjamas in peace, and then we switched so he could change. Steve wanted this, I honestly didn't mind so much, well at least I didn't mind to see Steve shirtless. This night, like every other night I spent in Russia, I had nightmares. But they were different, I saw how the KGB captured Rogers and how they tortured him. He tried to hide it, but I'm sure I saw some whiplashes on his back and his right arm. Steve woke me again. Tony and Pepper were in the doorway. "Is she okay?" Pepper asked "Just nightmares," Steve and I both replied. Pepper nodded and walked off. "Nightmares are terrible, aren't they?" I knew Tony had a lot of nightmares too. I nodded. He walked off too and we all went to sleep again. The next morning I woke up to Steve lying next to me. It was getting oddly familiar. He was still sleeping and I watched him for a while. He looked kinda cute, his face completely relaxed, as if his best friend wasn't probably still in danger. After fifteen minutes I got a bit impatient. I shook him until he woke up. "Huh, what?" "Good morning sleepy-head. It's 9 am." His stomach rumbled, "Seems like I'm hungry." "Seems like it." "Breakfast is ready sir," Jarvis said. "Oh uh, thank you Jarivs." "You're welcome." "Well, let's go then," I dragged him out of the bed and he let me.

We walked to the kitchen, where we had breakfast, then we got ourselves dressed. Tony was in his lab and I had no idea where Pepper was. "Well, what do you want to do today Nat?" Steve looked at me curiously. "I have no idea." "Oh come on, you must know something about the city." "I do, I just don't know what I want to do." "What can we do in the city?" "Well, there's a zoo, but it's winter, so it's probably closed." "Oh," he looked a little bit disappointed. "You like zoo's?" "Well, yeah, I've only been to one zoo when I was a kid and I really loved it, but I've never been since. I went there with Bucky and his mom my own mother didn't have the money. It was great, there were all kinds of wild animals, like monkeys and tigers and even elephants." I could see he really liked to talk about it and I decided to take him to a zoo once, or on safari, he might love that too. Somewhere in the afternoon Steve called T'Challa to tell him our mission in Moscow had been successful. "This would keep the KGB out of the game for a while, Moscow was their headquarters. They also need to choose a new leader." I heard T'Challa, but couldn't understand what he said. "How are you doing in Wakanda?" Silence. "More forces? You need help?" Silence again. "Okay, I'll ask Tony to come too, can't promise he'll help though. Maybe I can get Clint into this." "He said he's retired remember?" "Yeah, and still he helped me. Maybe he'll come if you ask him nicely." "I'll try my best." I wasn't sure if he'd come if I asked him. Still, I took my phone out of my pocket and called him. His wife Laura picked up. "Hi, with Laura." "Hi Laura." "Oh hi Nat, how are you?" "I'm fine, you?" "I'm doing good, you're calling for Clint I suppose?" "Yeah, kinda. How are the kids?" "They're all doing great, Lila is at her ballet class at the moment, Cooper is at school. Nathaniel is sleeping." I smiled, Clint's family was like a family to me, I loved to hear about the kids. "Seems like you finally had a moment for yourself, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's urgent." "That doesn't sound very good. You're not going to try to get Clint out there again to fight are you?" "Orders from the Captain." She sighed, "What's it with you and that guy?" "Nothing really, except that's it funny to flirt with him." "Nat..." "Hey, you know me, I like to flirt and Steve's awkward face just makes it more fun." She laughed. Then she was serious again. "What's it about this time?" "Hydra is attacking Wakanda." "Wakanda?" "Didn't Clint tell you about Wakanda?" "No, not really no, only that it contains the metal that Cap's shield is made from." "Vibranium, yes, so he didn't tell you he met the king of Wakanda?" I heard a door slamming shut on the background. "The king of Wakanda?" "Yes, T'Challa, the Black Panther." "Honey, why did you never tell me you met the king of Wakanda?" I heard Clint answer, "Is that Nat you got on the phone there?" "Yes, she wants to talk to you, something about Hydra in Wakanda." "I'm retired." "Yeah sure," I mumbled. "She says it's urgent." "Fine, hand me the phone." Laura gave him the phone. "Nat." "Clint." "So, what's so urgent?" "Hydra's after Bucky." "Damn it, not Bucky again." "And they formed a pact with the KGB." "Say what now?" "You heard me." "Where are you?" "Moscow?" "What did you do there?" "Rogers and I took down the Hydra headquarters." "So that's what happened in Moscow huh? Are you alright?" "Just seven stab wounds and a shot wound in my leg. Furthermore only bruises." "A shot wound?" He sounded worried. "I'm fine, I can walk." "So, Hydra in Wakanda huh?" "Yes, they'll send more Hydra agents now that the KGB is out of the field for a moment, but the KGB will get back in the fight, we'll need all the manpower we can get Clint." He sighed, "I really want to help Nat, but I don't want to disappoint my kids." "I know that," I sighed, "Well, at least I tried." "Good luck in Wakanda." "Good luck with your family."

I hang up. "Clint's not coming." "Sam is." "You called Sam?" "Of course I did." "Well, this is going to be fun." "What's going to be fun?" Tony asked. "We're going to Wakanda, T'Challa told me they're invaded by Hydra." "Why is Hydra in Wakanda?" "Bucky's there," Steve said. "So that's where you keep him huh?" "Yeah, that's where I keep him." "Sounds fun, and Hydra found him?" "Yes, they did, that's why we're going to Wakanda." "And with we you mean?" "Me, Natasha and Sam, you if you want to." "I'll think about it." "Tony, he was brainwashed." "I know that. I just need to think about it." "Well, we're leaving tomorrow, so I suggest you think fast." "Tomorrow?" I asked. "Yeah, tomorrow, we're needed over there. And I'm afraid it's just going to be the three of us going there." "That's bad, we really need all the manpower we can get." "We do yes." "But, you're really sure we should go tomorrow?" "Yes, why?" "Because you can try to hide those whiplashes Rogers, but I have seen them." "They don't hurt anymore." "You're still a terrible liar." "They don't hurt much." "Sounds more believable." "Wait, whiplashes?" "Yeah, they whipped him up at the KGB base in Kiev I suppose, they sometimes like to do that kind of stuff." "Ouch." "Well, it could have been worse." "Could it?" Tony asked looking at me. "He could have lost his tongue, or he could be blind, or they could have taken away a useless organ while he's have been awake, or he could have been dead. They wanted to keep him alive for questioning I thin. That might also be the reason why he still has his tongue." They both looked at me with their eyes wide open. "Yeah, you thought whiplashes were bad huh?" "I thought that yes," he said looking shocked. "Well, I knew it wasn't too bad," Steve said, "but I didn't know they could have done stuff like that, except, of course, for the killing, I know they could have killed me." "Yeah, good thing they didn't." "Why that?" "First, you're my friend, I wouldn't have liked it if you were dead so this question is pretty insulting. Second, if you were dead it would have been my fault because I acted in a rush." "It wouldn't have been your fault." "Yes, it would have been my fault, now shut up." "Well, I'm still the person who dragged us into this." "I said shut up." "And I didn't listen." "Yeah, you guys never do." Tony chuckled, "Pepper would agree with you." "I thought so yes." "Anyway, we're leaving tomorrow." "Okay, I'll pack my stuff then." "That's a good idea, I'll start packing too. Tony, you're coming or not?" "I don't think I'm ready to defend the murderer of my parents yet." "The real murderer is Hydra Tony, you know that right? Bucky is as much a victim as Clint was when he was brainwashed." "Only Clint didn't kill so many people!" "Tony, please, we could use your help." Tony sighed, "I know that. And I know Bucky was brainwashed and that it was all Hydra. I just need some time okay." Steve nodded, "Okay, I hope to see you later then." "Call me if you really can't handle it anymore." "I will."

I went to the bedroom to pack my stuff. This was bad, it would really be just the three of us, four if you counted T'Challa. Of course Wakanda could use it's army, but that would draw a lot of attention. At this point we could really use Thor or Banner. But Banner was dead and nobody knew where Thor was, he was probably at Asgard again. Not much later Steve came in to pack his stuff too. "we're leaving pretty fast don't you think?" "Yeah, it's necessary." "If you say so Cap." "Can I ask you when you noticed those whiplashes?" "Last night, if you want to hide your scars for me you should really do a lot more than undress yourself while I'm not around." He smiled, "Yeah, you notice a lot don't you?" "Hmm, I guess, it's just a natural thing." We packed in silence, we had dinner and we watched a rom-com with Tony and Pepper. I don't really like rom-coms so I wasn't really paying attention.

After the movie we went to the airport, our plane would take flight pretty early and we wanted to be on time. Steve took the weel, he didn't really trust me anymore since last time. We arrived one hour before the plane would depart, which was three am. We waited in the hall and I almost fell asleep, so Steve bought me a coffee. "This will keep you awake for a while longer." "I surely hope so, wouldn't want to miss the plane." At some point came up with one of those old stupid games. I had to say a word and he had to say the first word that came to his mind. "Really?" "Yes, really?" "Okay then, here we go." I thought of a total random word. "Monkey." "Banana." "Snow." "Cold." "Airport." "Waiting." "Panda." "Bear." "Wall." "Building." "Lamp." "Light." "You're boring." "Thanks." I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. "Wait, I found a nice word." "I don't trust it." "Good, you shouldn't." "Well, bring it on then." "Fondue." "Fuck...," he whispered. "Yeah, I thought your brain would go there." "That's not what I meant to say." "Yeah, but you did it anyway." He sighed, "Okay, just go on then." "Tony." "Ego." "Ice." "Ice-cream." "This is boring." "You know anything better?" "No." "Well then." I sighed, "Umbrella." "Water." "Alligator." "Reptile." "Penguin." "Knee-less." "Penguins do have knees." "Wait they do?" "Yes, I was surprised too." "Interesting." "Not really no. Tank." "War." "Russia." "Black Widow." "Hmm, interesting woman that Black Widow." "Nat, don't." I smiled a little, "Okay. Bucky." "Friend." "Friendzone." "What?" "Dinosaur." "Godzilla." "Rainbow." "Rainbowbridge." "Mjölnir." "Thunder." "Aliens." "New-York." "Stalker." "Coulson." I laughed, "Why that?" "He watched me when I was sleeping." "That's creepy." "Not to start about those trading cards." "Hey, they were vintage." "And he was very proud, yeah I know." "Cucumber." "No, not gonna say this one." "Why not?" "It's inappropriate." "Oh, now I want to know." He looked at me for a while and eventually said, "Sausage, if you know what I mean." I tried not to laugh, really, but I just couldn't stop myself. "Oh Steve, I'm a grown-up woman, I can handle it." His face reddened, which only made it funnier. "Yeah, I know, it's just, there are children around and." He started to stutter something. "Steve, stop the excuses." He looked down, "I'm a grown-up man and I just don't feel comfortable saying that kind of stuff around pretty women." "Oh, that's it huh? Well in that case, thanks for the compliment."

We then left for our plane. We found Sam in the gate. "Well, it was about time I found you two." "Hi to you too," Steve said. "Hey Sam." "Steve, Natasha." We took our seats, I took the seat next to the window, and waited till the plane departed. Somewhere during the flight I fell asleep and I woke up when Steve called my name. It was five am and I'd been having nightmares again. Strange, I thought they would be over when we left Russia. Sam was awake too, he looked at me curiously, probably wondering what my nightmares were about. Steve calmed me down and I fell asleep again, his arm around me. Not long after that we landed and he woke me up again. "We're here." "Couldn't it have taken five more minutes," I said annoyed. "I don't think so no." "Look who's not a morning person," Sam said with a smile. I just gave him an angry glare that made him shrink away a little. Steve laughed about it. "Don't mess with her now, she's really not a morning person." "Yeah, kinda put that together already." Steve dragged me out of the plane, which I found highly irritating, into the sunny sun of Wakanda. "Who turned the sun on so brightly?" "I guess the sun itself," Sam said. "I know it was the sun itself Sam, just let me complain!" "Have you ever seen it this bad?" Sam asked Steve. "Not before now." "I can hear you two, you know that?" "Yeah, we know that," they said at the same time. "We walked out of the airport, to find a car waiting for us on the parking lot.

The car took us to T'Challa and Bucky. I fell asleep again and again Steve woke me up. I think Sam was too afraid to wake me. We were lead into a building and to our rooms in the building. There I dropped myself on the bed because I hadn't had enough sleep and I couldn't care less about everything at that moment. Steve woke me up at one pm. "Natasha, it's afternoon, you should really get out of bed." I yawned, "Are we going to make plans on taking down Hydra?" "Not now no." "Then what do you need me for?" "It's not healthy to sleep all day." "I know that, I'm coming." Sam walked in, "Hey guys, I haven't seen T'Challa yet." "That's weird," Steve said. "He's a king," I said, "he's got more stuff to do than playing superhero and protecting the best friend of Captain America." "That's true." "Now both of you get out of my room." They did as I told them to and I took my time showering, dressing, brushing my hair and brushing my teeth.

"That took you some time," Sam said as I walked into the living room. He was watching television together with Steve. "Yeah well, women sometimes just need to take their time." "Sam, I'd keep my mouth shut now because you're not going to win that argument," Steve said. Sam closed his mouth, "You might be right." "What are you watching?" "Soccer," Sam answered. I rolled my eyes, what's up with guys and soccer. You really like that?" "A bit yes." "What's the point of it, you run after a ball and you mostly kick it away when you've got it. Seems kind of pointless." Steve grinned, "She's got a point you know?" "Okay, I'll just look what else is on." He switched to another channel. "Oh great, spiders," he said sarcastically, "I love spiders." "Still better than soccer." "Hey Nat, it's you," Steve said pointing at the screen. On the screen was a Black Widow spider. "Oh how funny," I said, my sarcasm too obvious. Sam switched channels again, "Golf, golf isn't interesting." And again, "Oh look a falcon." Steve rolled his eyes, "Yeah, it's a cool bird." "Hawks are better," I said. Sam looked me in the eye, "Falcons are the best." "You only say that because you're the Falcon." "That is entirely true. And you only think hawks are better because you're befriended with Clint." "No, they are just better." "Don't mind her Sam, she likes to tease." "No really, hawks are smart and can see ultraviolet. Can falcons do that?" "Oh shut up." We watched the bird programme because Sam wanted to see it. We waited for T'Challa for a while, but this one guy said he was pretty busy today and that he wouldn't have time to come by.

The next day was the same, T'Challa was too busy for us. So we went on a safari. "Oh look, an elephant." "Well seen birdy." "Did you just call me birdy?" "I did yes." "Looks like you got a nickname Sam." "Birdy? Really?" "It's fitting." "Why is it fitting?" "Because you're the falcon, that's why." "I got some nicknames of my own, you just gotta live with it." "Rogers is right, I gave him several nicknames." "Like?" "Let's see, Soldier, Brooklyn, Mr.Perfect, and some more." "Mr.Perfect?" "For when I want my stuff clean or say something smart." "What about Star-spangled-man? I never used it though." "Who showed you that footage?" "Tony did, he thought I'd like it, and I have to say it was pretty funny indeed. There is also God's righteous man." "What now?" "Those are some of my older nicknames." "Almost forgot Language-cop." "Why that one?" "One time we were taking down a Hydra base, Tony said "Shit" I said "Language" they never let that go." "We never did no." "Missy redhead here even used it at a pretty serious moment." "Wait a minute Rogers, did you just give me another nickname?" "Suppose I did." "It's not really your thing is it?" "No, not really no." The rest of the safari trip we enjoyed watching the animals, mostly in silence. We saw some zebra's, several giraffes, three lions and a little group of monkeys. Steve really seemed to enjoy seeing the wild animals in their natural habitats. "Well, that was something else than a zoo wasn't it?" "It was yes, much better." I smiled, I knew he would like it.

When we had dinner T'Challa still wasn't there. The guys didn't seem to think anything weird about it, but I didn't trust it. I mean, yeah, he's a king, he must be busy, but protecting his country against Hydra should be one of his priorities right? And we didn't know what his plan was, so we couldn't really do anything. We watched some movies before we went to bed, hoping T'Challa might still appear out of nowhere, but this didn't happen and we all went to bed after four movies. It was strange to have one room for myself again.

I had gotten used to sharing a room with Rogers. That night I dreamed about Steve getting tortured again, or well, I kind of dreamed that. It first I walked through the halls of the Hydra base to the ballet room. There I looked in the mirror, where I saw what they were doing to Steve, I turned around to face them but suddenly found a whip in my own hand, Steve's blood dripping from it. Steve looked up at me with big eyes full of betrayal. I woke up, all alone, breathing heavily. What was this? Did I really feel that guilty for what happened to Steve? It were my actions that led to his torture, yes, but why did it affect me like that? Would it have done the same to me with Barton? Yes, yes it would, I thought. Maybe Steve and I had become closer than I realized. Not wanting to sleep again I walked to the living room and looked outside. Below me I could see a lot of trees, above me billions of starts. "Can't sleep?" I didn't hear him walk into the room, but suddenly Steve was standing next to me. "Nightmares." "Even here?" "They'll go away in time." "Sometimes all you need is time." "Why are you here?" "It's T'Challa, I thought he would be here by now." "So I'm not the only one who noticed." "You don't feel good about it either?" "My instinct says there's something wrong." "Could have known that, you seem to sense that stuff." "It's really just keeping your eyes and ears open." He looked up at the sky. "well, look at that, that's a lot of starts." "Yeah, there are a lot of stars in our universe." "It's a pretty sight." "It is yes." It was also pretty romantic, but I decided not to tell him that. "What were your nightmares about?" I didn't expect that question. "Just... just the usual." "KGB stuff?" "Yeah." He moved the couch over to the window and sat down on it. "You know, sitting is more comfortable than standing. I sat down next to him and was taken by surprise when I felt his arm slip around my shoulders. I leaned into him, my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. He smelled pretty good. I felt his eyes on my face and I really didn't care. It was comfortable to lay my head down for a while. And before I knew it Sam found us together on the couch the next morning, both sleeping.

"Well, this is unexpected," he said loud enough to wake us. We looked up at him, then at each other. Steve quickly looked away, his face a light shade of pink. "That looked pretty romantic." "Shut up birdy." "No, I won't, that was romantic and you know it." "We're just friends Sam," Steve said, the blush still on his face. "Is that why you're blushing?" "Wait, I'm what?" "Blushing, do I have to spell it out for you?" "No, I'm perfectly aware of what blushing is." "Well then, why are you blushing?" "I don't know, might be because it's pretty warm here." "You're just wearing a t-shirt and pyjama pants Steve, is it really that warm?" "Yes," he said and he took off his shirt. I gave him a sideway glance. It still looked pretty good to me. "She's staring at you Steve." I looked away. "She was staring at you." "I was not," I said. "You were." "Shut it birdy." "No." "Both of you shut up," Steve said. "You're acting childish." "Sorry Granddad," I said rolling my eyes. Sam laughed, "She called you granddad because you're old." "I know that Sam." He walked out of the room, still laughing silently. "Is it really that warm here?" I asked, one eyebrow raised. "It's Africa, of course it's warm." I shrugged, "You got a point there, but there's air-conditioning in here." "It's still warm. I'm going to get dressed." He stood up and walked out. "Hey Rogers, you forgot your shirt!" He didn't seem to hear me. "Well, in that case it's mine now." I whispered. That happened sometimes, the boys left their clothes somewhere in the house and they randomly lost them, which meant I claimed them. This already happened to a hoodie of Tony and sweatpants that once belonged to Clint. I always washed it first of course. Same happened to that shirt. I washed it and hid it somewhere where Steve wouldn't find it. In the meanwhile I got dressed and had some breakfast.

"T'Challa is still too busy." I looked up from the table, Steve was standing in front of me at the other side of the table. "Great," I said rolling my eyes. "So, what do we do today?" "Well, we could walk through the jungle." "Or we could just stay here," I offered, "watching movies, being lazy." "You think that'll be fun?" "Hey, my leg needs to heal Rogers." "Yeah, that's true." "So, how about we stay here for today?" "Okay, we'll stay here." "Sorry, but I really had other plans, Sam said while walking in." "And your plans were?" "I'm going to ride an ostrich." "You're going to ride an ostrich?" Steve said with half a smile. "Yes, is that weird or something?" "No, have fun with it birdy." "Stop calling me that!" "I don't think I will," I said with a teasing smile. "Just go with it Sam, she won't quit." He sighed and walked out. "Don't forget to ask someone to film you while you're riding that ostrich!" I call after him. "I have Redwing with me to film." "You have that thing with you?" "It's not "that thing" it's Redwing." "Still a thing," I whispered. Steve heard it and laughed, "It's a thing with a name." "But still a thing." He sat down on the couch, I cleaned the table, walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. "So, you wanted to watch movies huh?" "Yeah." "Well, let's see if T'Challa's got Netflix." He had. "So, anything in particular you want to watch?" "Not really no. As long as it's not comedy or romance I'm fine." Eventually we settled on watching The Ring." Steve didn't particularly like the movie. After that we watched some Harry Potter movies, Steve liked those better.

At one point we heard something weird on the stairs. Steve paused the movie and we both turned around. "That's weird." I nodded. "It's sounds like several people are coming up." Then the door opened and a troop of Hydra agents stormed in. We were greatly outnumbered. Still we tried to fight them, they wouldn't catch us without at least some effort. Of course they won, but hey, we tried. We were blindfolded, led down the stairs, outside, into a car, or maybe it was a van, I don't know. We sat there for a long time in silence. Then they got us out, lead us into a building, through dark halls. They unblindfolded me and I was alone in a dark cell. I had no idea of where I was, except for the fact that it must have been some place somewhere in Africa, maybe still in Wakanda, I wasn't sure about that. I also had no idea of the time, how long had we been on the road? I did not know. I only knew that I was in a dark cell. I didn't even know if Steve was there too. Then someone walked up to my cell. He was a shadow at first. I wasn't able to see any of his features. He came closer and for a while he just stood there staring at me. Then he came close enough for me to see his face. It was Bucky.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was there. Why? I wondered about that for what seemed like hours. Why would he be here? I could only find one answer to that question. Hydra, they got to him before we did, that's why T'Challa didn't come for us... How could we have been so stupid? At that point I was tired, so I decided I'd try to sleep. It took me some time to fall asleep and I woke up screaming thanks to my nightmares. Again, I saw Bucky standing in front of my cell. It scared me that he was there. I couldn't see his face, for that he was too far away, but I was sure his eyes were on me. He stood there for a moment and then he walked away. It was kind of weird, was he assigned to watch over me or something? Wouldn't it make much more sense for him to watch over Rogers? Maybe they were afraid he'd recognize him and would try to help him. But, they could brainwash him if he did right? They probably didn't want to risk it though, easier for them too.

This went on for several days, and with "this" I meant, me waking up screaming thanks to nightmares to find Bucky staring at me through the bars of my cell. Until one day he wasn't staring through the bars, but directly at me, standing just three feet away from me. It scared me that he was so close. "Bucky, what are you doing in there?" "The screaming is driving me insane." "The KGB will come for her the day after tomorrow, just deal with it for a while longer." "No. I can't." The other guy sighed, "Bucky, she'll be gone soon enough." "Not soon enough if you ask me. Can't I just kill her? Tell 'em she committed suicide or something, they'd probably believe that." "Bucky..." "I can't take it anymore." "Oh well, she means nothing to me anyway, I'm just here so she doesn't escape, and if she dies she doesn't right?" He sounded tired, like he already had a whole argument with Bucky and just gave him what he wanted. Bucky dragged me out of my and put a gun to my head. Then he suddenly shot the other guard and dragged me through the hall to a door.

The door led to a stairs, which led to a basement. There he dropped the gun. I looked at him wide-eyed with no clue of what had happened. He turned on the light and in the basement I saw a bed, a couch a table with some chairs and a television. There was a door to my right, and the stairs was behind me. "You okay?" Bucky asked me. "I-I have no idea," I answered. "You look kinda confused." "Yeah, I wonder why that is." "That sounded pretty sarcastic." "I'm glad you noticed." "Now you sound angry." "No really?" "Hey, don't be so mad, I did save your life okay?" "Oh did you?" "Yes, don't you get it, I'm on your side." That took me aback. "How can I trust you?" "I don't have anything to show you to make you trust me, but I can tell my story and hope you believe it." I nodded, "Go on then." "Do you know what happened after Germany, to me and Steve I mean?" "Not really no, how's that relevant?" "We fought Tony, and after that, Steve brought me here." "I thought Tony wanted to help you guys." "He did, until he found out I killed his parents. Anyway, T'Challa thought his forces wee strong enough to keep Hydra out the door. What he did not know was that Hydra was a parasite in his forces, just like it once was a parasite in S.H.I.E.L.D. They knew where I was, were to find me and the defrosted me after they took T'Challa down. He's somewhere in this building, I don't exactly know where. They wanted to brainwash me, but somehow I could convince them it wasn't necessary. I told them I was disoriented thanks to the ice, that I didn't know where I was and what had happened to me for the last three years. They were stupid enough to believe it." He took a deep breath. "Then you guys came here, I was locked away, looking after the prisoners, not really needed at the time, but then Sam went out for some shopping and they saw their chance to catch guys and lock you up." "Why? Why didn't they take Sam too?" "Because they like drama and wanted someone less valuable to bring the story to the Avengers." "Sounds like the stuff villains do." "They assigned me to watch over you because they were afraid that, if they'd let me watch over Steve, I'd recognize him and help him escape."

I believed him, I know when people are lying, so this meant that either, telling the truth, or, he was very good at lying. I hoped it was the first one and I chose to trust him. "And... this place is?" "Oh uh, this is where I sleep, please don't mind the mess." I looked around, the floor was full of clothing and candy wrappers. There were dirty dishes on the table, his bed was full of popcorn. "Yeah, you shouldn't have said that." His face turned red. "Uh... I uh... you're suitcase is over there... maybe you should take a shower, put on some clean clothing and uh... come back into the room when I cleaned it up." "Where's the bathroom?" "It's the door to your right." "Alright, and when I'm in there you're here cleaning up?" "Yes..." "You won't enter that bathroom?" "No." "Good Bucky, not that it really would have bothered me if you did." I winked and walked to the bathroom.

It was pretty big for a bathroom in a basement, there was a shower, a pretty big bath and, of course, a toilet. I looked for a towel, found one and took a shower. I took my time, it was great to finally be able to shower again. I didn't know how long I have had been stuck in that dusty old cell, but I'm sure it was at least a week, maybe two. After I was done I dressed myself and went back into Bucky's room. He cleaned it and left. He left a note for me telling me I could use the bed tonight and that he would be back by morning. I shrugged and walked over to the fridge in his little kitchen. There was not very much in it, some bottles of beer, a bottle of cola, a broccoli and some cheese. I looked in the freezer, where I found a big box of popsicle's and some chicken wings. I decided to try to make e meal out of the broccoli, the cheese and some of the chicken wings. It worked out and I sat down on the couch, plate on my lap, and turned on the television. I watched the news and found out I had been in that cell for two whole weeks. No wonder my hair was so dirty. I also found out that word of what had happened to us had reached the Avengers. They had assembled and were fighting Hydra in a county nearby, even Clint was there. I slowly ate while watching what else was going on. Not much of my interest. I zapped through the channels until I found a documentary about lions. I kept watching TV till eleven o' clock and then went to bed. It felt kind of strange to use someone else's bed, but it was really soft so I fell asleep easily, even though it smelled a bit weird.

The next morning I woke up to Bucky putting food in the fridge. "Good morning," he said. "Morning." "Did you sleep well?" "Not really no." "Nightmares again?" "I'm kind of getting used to it now." "That sounds bad. What's it about?" I decided that he knew what it must feel like to be tortured and manipulated, to be forced to do things you don't want, so I decided I could trust him. "Just, stuff that happened in my past..." "That all?" I sighed. "Well some of them are about what they could be doing to Steve, and what the KGB did to Steve when they captured him." "Both sound pretty bad." "Both are pretty bad." He nodded, "I understand that. I heard your story." "Some of it was a secret to S.H.I.E.L.D. too." "That explains why I feel like I haven't heard everything." "It does yes." "Hmmm, well, I'm not going to ask you to tell me, I know what it feels like to have a past you don't wanna talk about." "Thanks for that." "But why those nightmares about Steve though?" "That's... something entirely different." "What's it about, what did the KGB do to him?" "Well they tortured him." "What, how, why?" "We were kind of assigned to take down the KGB headquarters, remember that?" "Yes, it was a trick Hydra and the KGB set up after they caught T'Challa, the actual plan was to capture the two of you there in Moscow, but I heard you killed the KGB leader, good job." "Well, I escaped, and Steve didn't." "They never told me that, but, how can he be here then?" "Tony rescued him." "Tony?" "He found me, walking through a dark alley, bleeding." "Bleeding?" "I got shot in my leg. Third time I got shot, this time it wasn't you." "Wait, I shot you once?" "Twice." "Twice," he shook his head, "That doesn't matter now, what did they do to Steve?" "Well, the KGB likes medieval ways of torturing when it comes to special prisoners." "What do you mean with that?" "Uh well, whips and all that stuff." "That's... that's bad, but why do you have nightmares about that?" "Because I feel like I'm responsible for what happened to him." "Why that." "Because we had a plan, but I acted in a rush without warning him because they tried to kill me." "You feel guilty because you couldn't warn him because they tried to kill you?" "Yes." "That makes no sense. You had to act in a rush because the were going to kill you, simple as that." "I know, but still, I don't know what it is..." "There's more behind this isn't there?" I shook my head. "Natasha?" I looked down. "Nat?" I looked up again. "What else is behind this?" I took a deep breath, "They make me torture him." "In your nightmares?" I nodded. "That's bad... do they.... Do they really force you to do it?" I nodded again. "And of course you don't want that, he's your friend." He looked at me for a while. "Is that everything?" "Yes, that's all." "Are you sure?" I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Absolutely sure Buck." He gave me a strange look, then nodded and walked off saying "Good, I have to go now, they'll be missing me up there." So, I was alone again. I didn't really know what to do, I had never been in a situation like that before.

I walked around the room for a while, wondering how Steve was doing, what Bucky was doing, where the Avengers were now. I wondered if they would be able to find us here. They probably didn't know where we were. I decided I shouldn't be stressing so much, and that it would be good for me to take a shower. Out of curiosity I looked in the dresser under the mirror. I found several bath bombs. I laughed, seems like Bucky liked to take a coloured bath. I looked at the bath, thinking it was a good way to relax too. I picked up one of the bath bombs, it was blue, purple and green coloured. Fifteen minutes later I was relaxing in a steaming hot and colourful bath. Bored as I was I decided to sing. For some reason I liked to sing the song "Black Widow" by Iggy Azalea and Rita Ora. I wonder why. It was then Bucky walked in. He looked stunned seeing me in the bathtub. "Uh.. h-h-hi" he stammered. "Hey," I said with a slight smile. "I uh, see you found my... my bath bombs." "I hope you don't mind." "No, not at all." I couldn't handle it anymore and started laughing. "What's so funny?" "Your face, you look really stunned." "Yeah well, it's not like I have a woman like you in my bath every day." "Woman like me?" "You know uh..." "I'm waiting." "Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about." "Yes, I just want you to say it out loud," I winked. "Are you flirting with me?" "Maybe, a bit." "Why?" "Because I like to flirt, and I'm in the perfect position to make you uncomfortable while doing it, which makes it twice as funny." "Perfect position," he mumbled. I turned to lay on my belly, my legs sticking out of the water. He just stood there staring at me for a while, until he caught my eyes. He quickly looked away and I saw a slight blush on his cheeks. "You look a little uncomfortable Buck, why don't you join me, it's warm here." The bush deepened. I chuckled. He smiled, "You're playing with me aren't you? Steve told me you were a bit of a flirt." "I'm glad you noticed." "I'm sorry, but I can't join you. They'll need me upstairs. Also, I wouldn't even join you if I could." "Why not?" "Don't get me wrong, you're very hot and all, but, I think it would be better if I didn't." "Why that." "Because I think I might make someone angry if I did." "Who?" He winked and walked out. "Bucky! Bucky come back and tell me who you're talking about." I heard him walk up the stairs. That went well. Except of course for the part where he didn't tell me what he meant.

When I got back in Bucky's room I found him eating popcorn on the couch while watching Free Willy. "Is that Free Willy?" "No, it's Free Willy 2." "Still Free Willy." He didn't react to that and kept eating popcorn instead. I sat down next to him and took some of his popcorn. "Hey!" "What?" "Who gave you permission to steal my popcorn?" "I did." He looked me in the eye for a while, then shrugged and said "Fair enough." "So, what did you do this morning?" "Not much really, I did find out what they want to do to Steve though." "What is it?" "They want to kill him... slowly... They'll start today, want to make it last for days, drain the life out of him." "They intend to do that?" "Yes." "And they'll start today?" "Yes." "Then why in the hell are you sitting here watching free Willy?" "Because they send me here and I can't blow my cover. I need to keep their trust, I'll try to get to him tonight." "Tonight?" "Yes, tonight." "I'll come with you." He looked at me and I think he saw I was determined to go, because he nodded. "If that's what you want." "That's what I want."

It was dark in the hallways of the Hydra base. Bucky was leading the way to the Steve's cell. We hadn't seen any guards yet, which was kinda suspicious, but I didn't think much of it at the time. I should have thought more of it. Because this wasn't Bucky helping me, this was a trap. He lead me to the cell, at that point I already knew something was wrong. He let me in, the light want on and we were surrounded. Turned out Bucky was brainwashed after all. Of course I was outnumbered and not prepared to fight a group of Hydra and KGB agents on my own, but I fought anyway. I'm too stubborn to just give up. Steve, who was bound to a wall, broke loose and tried to help me. But even thanks to that we still got brought down. Steve was left in the cell, guarded by the Hydra agents. I was led through some hallways and eventually found myself outside, a car waiting for me.

The car brought me to an airport, we went on a plane to Moscow. Turned out they found a new base there. In the meanwhile, I wondered how I could have been so stupid. They were playing with me, gave me hope, and, worst, I trusted Bucky, I told him about my nightmares. I thought he'd understand. Yet here I was, turned in by Hydra to the KGB, and Bucky was the one who betrayed me. They'll only find Steve now, if they ever find the Hydra base. They'll wonder where I am of course, and they'll look for me, but I'll probably be dead before they get to me. Maybe they won't even find me then. I looked around the plane. One KGB agent looked oddly familiar. He was sitting next to me, looking uncomfortable. It took me am moment to realize it was Sam. I wanted to say something, but he put his hand over my mouth. "You don't have the right to talk," he said. And I was pretty sure he meant "Not now." I nodded, took his hand away from my mouth and looked at the people in front of me.

We arrived at Moscow at ten o' clock. I hot blindfolded again and they led me to a car. I felt a little bit safer with Sam around, but I was still scared. I didn't know what they were going to do to me, but knowing them they weren't going to kill me. I didn't know what they did to deserters, they always kept that a secret, because no one deserted them before. All I knew was that it would be something really bad. They blindfolded me again and led me to a van where the dropped me in the back. We rode for I fifteen minutes, then the van stopped and they got me out of the back. They led me into the base and into a cell, where they took the blindfold from my face. I was alone with Sam, he was my new guard. "This is where you will stay the coming weeks. If you complain you get beaten, if you try to escape, you get beaten, if you try to kill yourself-." "Let me guess, I get beaten?" He nodded, then he looked around, as if looking for camera's. "Don't worry Nat, this is all part of the plan." "What plan?" "Bucky's plan, they think he's still working for them." "Wait, he isn't?" I was confused, normally I knew what was going on. "No, he is just trying to seem loyal. They like making a show of using Bucky." "Wait, this was all Bucky's plan?" "And mine, the avengers know you're here, but they're going to get Steve out first." "I have to tell you, it's a terrible plan." "Well, I never said it was I good plan, did I?" "No. Do you know what they're going to do to me?" "I wish I did." "Well, then I'll just have to find out I guess." He nodded sadly, "I guess so yes."

And I found out, the next day to be exact. They woke me up early in the morning, very early in the morning. They took me downstairs, to a little room with a television. There they made me watch old videos of the surveillance cameras in the old base. I was present in all of them. I saw myself fighting, killing innocents, killing other children. They really knew how to hurt me, they showed me the part of myself I hated the most. They kept telling me I was the best KGB student ever, their best creation. They took me up to let me make me watch the training of the girls. "We're trying to make them like you, cold blooded killers." They treated me like that for a few days, then they made it worse.

After a week they started to use shock therapy and during the therapy they told me I was a monster and that they were proud of what I had accomplished. Eventually I lost track of time. I also didn't know what to think of myself. Was I really what they said? Was I really a monster? I have done a lot of terrible things. They kept showing me footage of myself, the fights got easier for me, so did the killing. Eventually they showed me my complete KGB past. I saw how I turned from a little innocent girl to a cold blooded killing machine, trying to save her won skin, not thinking about others. They also continued to make me watch the younger girls during their training, to make me relive my past even more. The shock therapy got worse too, and so the drove me crazy. And even worse, I started to believe what they said, I started to believe I was a monster. I had killed so many people, without a second thought, how could I not be? I slowly faded away into self-hatred, and that is how the Avengers found me.

I had been there for too long, hated myself for a while and I really wanted to die. But I knew that I'd fail and that would only make it worse. At first Sam tried to get me out of it, told me I wasn't a monster, but at some point he had given up. It was no use arguing with me, he knew I was right. I heard rumour in the halls, people running towards my cell. I heard shooting and screaming, then my cell door opened and Clint walked in. "Clint, please be careful," Sam's voice sounded from afar. "What did they do to her?" "Showed her her past, made her believe she's a monster. They made her watch the training of the other girls, told her she was someone the young girls should look up to. And they used shock therapy on her." "They did what?" "Everything I just said, oh, and she's been beaten up a few times after she tried to escape." "Dammit... her past alone would have been enough to drive her crazy." "I know." "Why didn't you stop them?" "I couldn't, they were with too much and I had to seem loyal. I tried to talk to her, told her she wasn't a monster, but I didn't know what to say when she said she killed too many people not to be." Clint sighed, "Natasha...." "It got worse and worse, she hates herself now. And who can blame her for that? It took you months to get here." "Yeah well, let's just say it wasn't easy to get Steve out. That took a three weeks on itself. Then we needed a to find the KGB headquarters and come up with a strategy. Finding also took three weeks, and we had two weeks to come up with a strategy." "Okay, okay, I get it, let's just get her out of here." I quickly did the math, two months, I had been here for two months.

Clint came over and picked me up. He looked me over and saw my bruises, and probably some burn marks too. He shook his head. "Why did they do this to you Nat? You didn't deserve this." I did, I thought, I'm a monster Clint, don't you get it. I didn't feel like talking, I didn't feel like anything at all and I let them drag me out of my cell, out of the base. They seated me Into a car and I fell asleep, hoping never to see the KGB headquarters again.

I slept the whole journey to the airport, there they dragged me into a plane, where I fell asleep again. I awoke again in the Avengers base, lying on my own bed in my own room. It felt good to see this familiar place, but I still felt bad about myself. I knew they were coming to try and talk to me the moment they found out I was awake, so I tried to sleep again. Too late, Clint was standing in the doorway. "Morning." I didn't even look at him, I was afraid to look them in the eyes, all of them. It was a weird sensation, fear was not something I usually felt, especially not for my friends. "Nat?" I tried to ignore him, but he walked over to me. "I know you're awake and I know you can hear me." I looked away from him, so he took my head in his hands and forced me to look at him. "Don't tell me you're afraid of me." I nodded slowly. "Are you afraid of me?" I nodded again. "Why?" I shook my head. "You don't want to tell huh? Is this because you think you're a monster? Because you're not Nat. The people who did this to you are monsters, those KGB agents." I finally found my voice again. "I'm one of them Clint, don't you get that?" "You're not, you're different." "Clint, I'm just like them, I killed innocents on their account. I killed children." "You're not like them Nat." "How can you still say that?" "Because of the choices you made, you knew that what you did was wrong, you wanted to get out of there. And you took the chance when you got it. Now you're protecting people, helping them. Don't you get that that is what makes you better?" I was taken aback by this. He was right, I had made different choices in life. But did that make up for the people I killed? I took his hands from my head and he crossed his arms. "That doesn't make up for the amount of people I killed." "No it doesn't, but does that really matter?" Steve's voice sounded.

He stood there in the doorstep looking all serious. "Of course it matters." He sighed and shook his head. "What's in the past is in the past Nat, what really matters is who you are now. The choices you made. Yes, you killed a lot of people, but think of how many you saved after you joined Shield. How many lives did you save by helping us defend New-York?" "I don't know," I said shaking my head." "A lot. Probably more than you killed, and that's only New-York. You've saved much more people than that Nat." I looked down, he had a point. But then why did I still feel bad about myself? "And the fact that you killed so many people doesn't make us think any less about you." This did make me feel better. I looked up again and noticed Clint had left the room and Rogers standing just two feet away from me. "You feeling better?" I nodded. "Well then, you should eat something, you've been asleep for one and a half day." "Really?" "Yeah, really." At that moment, my stomach rumbled. "Like I said, you should eat something," he said with a small smile.

We had lunch and then went to the training room, where we, what a surprise, trained till dinner. It felt good to train again, it made everything seem more real. At first it all still looked like some kind of dream, but training with Rogers, who wasn't being soft on me, brought me back into reality. "Well, that wasn't too bad, could have been better, but not too bad," Steve said as we walked out of the room. I poked him with my elbow. "I have been tortured for two months, give me break." "You need a schedule." "Here goes Mr.Perfect again." "No really, you shouldn't just yo know... do stuff, you need a schedule to pick everything up again, slowly." "Why slowly?" "Have you looked in a mirror?" "No, why?" "Because you clearly lost some weight, you need to gain that back because you look a little unhealthy now." "I do?" "You do, did you eat enough there?" "You think they'd give me enough?" "No, they wanted you to be weak, of course." "So, a schedule huh?" "I can help you if you want me to." "Yeah, sounds like fun." So we worked on a schedule to get me healthier.

It worked pretty fast, I was back in a few weeks. But I still had nightmares about what had happened back in Russia. I still woke up screaming every night. And the worst thing was that I mostly woke up the other avengers too. The first days they came to look what was wrong, but eventually they got used to it and left me alone. Except for Steve, he always came to check on me and to calm me down if I needed. Tony came too once in a while, understanding how bad nightmares are, talking with me bout his own nightmares. It was a surprise to me that he trusted me enough to tell me about them. Maybe I meant more to them all then I knew myself. The talking helped me, my nightmares eventually got less bad and it even came to the point where I didn't have nightmares every night. I silently thanked them for this and I wondered where I would have been without them. Probably still in Russia. Definitely still in Russia. Especially if I've had never met Clint.

It was Clint who got me out, he was send to kill me, but for some reason he didn't, he recruited me for S.H.I.E.L.D. instead. It was still the Strategic, Homeland, Intervention, Logistics, Division by then. Fury accepted me, and so I became a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. My life got a lot easier working for S.H.I.E.L.D. less killing, more defending, and still not boring. I liked it, it felt like I had found what I was meant to do, until I found out it was Hydra all along. But did that really matter? Did it matter if what I did was good? Maybe, maybe not.


	5. Chapter 5

It's our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. This is a quote from Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts during Harry's first, second, third, fourth, partly fifth and sixth year. It felt fitting to my life. I became the person I am because of the choices I made, my abilities had no to little say in it, neither did the choices of others. Steve wrote this quote on a board in the cafeteria of the Avengers base. He thought it could help us if we went through some dark times, and I have to say it worked, for me at least. A little less for Tony, his choices weren't always the best, but his ego was big enough and could do with a little less. It worked really well for Bucky too, I sometimes found him there, just staring at the board. I can imagine why it worked for him, after the brainwashing and all. He never wanted to be what he was, and he never had a choice, now he did, and we was planning to make his life better. I even saw him smiling occasionally while he was staring at it.

In the meanwhile, Steve and I were still training according to my schedule. Steve slowly pushed me, he was a little soft on me in the beginning, but now he was getting hard on me. I was a little unfair actually, him being a super soldier and me being a normal human. Bucky trained with us too, sometimes on my side, sometimes on Rogers' side. We kept this schedule up for several weeks, until a very unexpected guest interrupted one of our training sessions.

The guest was Fury, and he said he had a mission for us. We assembled the Avengers in the cafeteria where we listened to Fury. "I know you guys barely escaped from Hydra three months ago, but I need you to go back," he said. "You're crazy," was Tony's immediate answer. "I know you think I am, but T'Challa is still in the hands of Hydra, Wakanda is leaderless and it won't take long before Hydra takes over the country, which would give them access to an army. We can't let that happen. "Why don't you send anyone else, you've got nothing to say about us anymore." "Because nobody but you can do this." He had a point, and Tony knew it. "Listen, S.H.I.E.L.D. might not exist anymore, but you do, and I know I've got nothing to say about you anymore, but Hydra is a threat and the world needs your protection against it." We all looked at him in silence, until finally Wanda said what, I suppose, most of us were thinking, "How much I hate to admit it, he's right." "Oh come on, an army could stop them just as easily as we can," Tony brought in. "No they can't," Steve said, "They're a lot stronger than an army, they've had much more training and their weapons are more advanced." "They also have the KGB on their side, remember?" Tony sighed, "I know, it's just... I don't think we have the manpower to take them down." "No you don't," Nick said, "not alone." "You mean we need help?" "Yes, that's what I mean." "And where do you suggest we'd go for help?" "I still got some old S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, real S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, under speed dial." We looked at him in surprise. "Well, that changes everything," Tony said.

We prepared ourselves to leave for Wakanda, we'd take one of the repaired helicarriers to take us and a whole lot of ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agents there. The flight didn't take too long, but we got really bored on the way. So we decided to play some games. Clint came up with a weird game of finishing each other's sentences. This was a little bit funny at first, but it quickly became boring. So we all became very social, on social media.

We landed in Wakanda about a day later, the helicarriers aren't very fast. We landed somewhere on a river. There we got our orders. The Avnegers had to infiltrate the Hydra bas, while the ex-agents surrounded it. We had to look for the leader and the agents would storm in to wreak havoc and to eliminate as much Hydra agents as they could. Not the best of plans, but we had the element of surprise. And it worked quite good at first, we found almost no Hydra agents at the underground levels. But the closer we came to T'Challa, the more agents we encountered. And not the least of them. All of them where top class agents of both Hydra and the KGB. Fury was right, the Avengers where the only people who could do this. We were lucky to have Wanda and Vision on our side. Without them it would have been a lot harder than it already was. It took us at least half an hour to get to T'Challa. He was in a dark room full of weird machines, laying in a big chair, not unlike one you see at the dentist. Bucky, who went with us, gasped. "That's not good." "What's it Bucky?" Steve asked. "That chair, this whole room, it's not good." "Why?" "I... this room looks like one in my memories... to the one where they used to brainwash me." "Fuck," Tony said. "Please Stark, mind your language." "Barton, don't," Steve said slightly annoyed, "This is not the time." Then suddenly T'Challa moved, a troop of Hydra agents came running in and we were surrounded. After that several things happened in a blur. The Hydra agents avoided us and went to the other side of the rom, while locking the door behind them, they then dropped something, ran out using another door and so were gone. All of them, even T'Challa.

The thing they dropped was a bomb, it started beeping as soon as the locked the door. Just as it started counting down. Tony looked at it, then looked at Cap and suddenly seemed to have Cap's old shield out of nowhere. "Steve, take this," he said while throwing it at him. Steve caught it and tried to reach the bomb in time to throw the shield over it, but it exploded when he was just a few inches away. It was a good thing he had the shield in front of him to protect him. 

We all got warped at the walls thanks to the force of the explosion, then there suddenly was a second explosion and the walls came falling down on us. It wasn't very comfortable under the rubble of the broken walls. It wasn't comfortable at all, and very dusty too. A piece of rubble landed on my head and everything went black.

When I woke up again I was still under the rubble, but it was starting to lift. It had a red glow around it, which made clear Wanda was trying to get us out. "Is everyone okay?" I heard Thor ask. "I'm fine," I said. I heard Steve, Clint and Tony make clear they were okay too. Then a big piece of rubble got lifted from me and I was blinded by a flashlight. "Yeah, thanks, I didn't need my eyes anyway." "Oh, sorry Nat." It was Tony, of course it was, was there anything he didn't have in his suit? "Really good for my headache too." "Piece of rubble on your head." "Yeah." "Well, that did not go as planned," Thor exclaimed. "No shit Sherlock," I said annoyed. "Who's Sherlock?" "A fictional British detective," Tony said, "With his own TV series, and two movies... Heard the actor who plays Sherlock in the movies is a handsome guy." Tony pulled me out of the rubble. "Oh, I can see something fell on your head." "Oh great, I could really use that." "Not so sarcastic Romanoff," was Steve's comment on my sarcasm. "Oh let her be," Wanda told him. "Hey guys, what about we try to get out of here huh?" I suggested. "Sounds good," Tony said approvingly, "Let's get out of here.

We went back to the helicarrier, where we reported to Fury. "Damn it!" he screamed when we told him, "Damn all those Hydra bastards." He kept on screaming for a while and I caught words like "Assholes, motherfuckers," and "Damned idiots." It would have been funny if the situation wasn't so serious. We let Fury rage on for a while, but then Steve stopped him. "Nick." "What?!" He was still highly irritated. "What do we do?" "I don't know, you're the damn leader of the damn Avengers." "Nick, calm down please." "Calm down? It's a king they brainwashed Rogers, I don't have a reason to be calm." "No you don't," I brought into the conversation, "But losing your head won't help either." Nick sighed, "You're right Romanoff." "I know." "But that doesn't change anything." "Didn't expect it to change anything." I turned to Steve, "So Cap, what's the plan?" "I have no idea, I don't know what they did to him." "I do," Bucky said, "and I think I've got a plan.

The plan was simple, and very familiar. Steve, Tony and I would infiltrate Hydra. We had to go undercover this time, but with a spy like met that wasn't a problem. When I was done with us we were unrecognizable. Tony got a job in the ICT section, Steve and I became guards. And not just guards, but two of T'Challa's guards. Getting a job was harder than last time, which was good, since last time was a trap, and this time it hopefully wasn't. Tony would help to get Bucky and Clint in by hacking the system. Bucky needed another good fighter by his side if he could get in. Wanda would get in when Bucky and Clint successfully got in and eliminated the other guards Wanda would get in to keep T'Challa under control while we tried to get out.

The work got boring after a few weeks, but the the system was very complicated according to Tony, so he needed some time. He liked it though he didn't like it when his work was too easy for him. Steve and I always had to guard T'Challa's cell together, so of course we talked and we got to know each other a little better. I learned Steve was bullied as a kid, and even after that. He tried joining the army five times and got rejected five times, but he never gave up and became part of the super soldier project. I told him how I got into the KGB. My parents died, I had no other close family, so I was send to an orphanage, only it wasn't an orphanage. I didn't tell him how my parents died though, I never told that to anyone, not even the police.

That night I couldn't sleep, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Until I heard a scream, and I was 99% sure it was Steve. I went to his room, where Tony and Bucky were already standing in the doorway. I looked over their shoulders to see Steve sitting up in his bed. "You okay?" Bucky asked. "Yeah, just nightmares." Tony turned around and saw me. He looked back at Steve again, then took a step to the side to let me in. Bucky looked at me as I walked in, but he didn't say anything. "You got nightmares too?" "I do," Steve said nodding, "I was tortured too remember?" "I remember that." I heard the door close behind me as I sat down on the bed. "Sounds bad." "It is bad." "I can imagine that.... What did they do to you?" "They pulled some layers of my skin... ripped out my toenails... that's about it, that's when the rest of the Avengers got me." I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything and just sat there staring at him. "It'll all grow back luckily, but it hurt like hell, especially because they did it all very slowly. "That sounds horrible." He sighed, "Well it was, otherwise I wouldn't have those nightmares, right?" "True." I didn't know what else to say, I just sat there looking at him, until I noticed he was shaking, then I moved closer to him and put my arms around him. "It was just a dream Steve, you're safe now." "How can you know, I'm back at the Hydra base again... every day... what if they capture us?" "They wont." "How do you know?" "Because we're with the Avengers now."

The next morning, I woke up in Steve arms, and somehow I didn't want to get up. There was something about just lying there, looking at Steve, that gave me strange feeling... But it was strange in a nice way. Even though it also felt like there was something swarming around in my stomach. Oh no, oh no no no no no. That can't be, that just can't be. Or.... Or can it? Steve woke up before I could answer that question. "Good morning," he whispered, "I thought you'd be gone by now." "Why would I?" "Well, because you're you... not that I don't like your presence or something. It's just..." "Hey, you always stayed when I had a nightmare, so I'm planning to do the same." "In that case we could just as easily sleep in one room together." I looked away and felt the heat rushing up to my cheeks. "That looks kinda cute." "Im not cute!" "Well, kinda." "No, just no." He smiled and I felt the weird fluttering feeling in my stomach again. "Maybe you're right though, maybe we should get a room together. This time he blushed.

Yesterday Tony finally figured out how the system worked, so today we were going to try our plan. Steve and I had watch over T'Challa again, which made it a little easier. It was around noon when Bucky and Clint stormed towards us through the hall, then they saw there weren't any other guards to eliminate and they tried to stop, but the floor was slippery and they both fell on the ground. Clint on top of Bucky. I tried not to laugh, but I really couldn't stop myself, it looked so weird. So I stood there shaking slightly from silent laughter as Wanda walked in, looked at the guys on the ground and said, "You should leave that for when we get back." After that my laughing wasn't silent anymore, but I was still serious enough to open the door to T'Challa's cell though. "You thought that was funny huh?" Clint asked me. "No I didn't, it just was funny." He rolled his eyes, "Maybe it looked funny from your point." "It did, I hope they got some camera's hanging around here. I suddenly got a text from Tony saying: 'They do, I saw what happened. Didn't know Wanda could be that funny, thought she was always serious and stuff. Anyway, I copied it to my phone, so if you want me to send it to you, just tell me.' 'Yes please.' I replied, and I put my phone back in my pocket.

Thanks to Wanda we got T'Challa out pretty easily, he tried to struggle, but it was no use against Wanda's powers. We brought him to an isolation cell in the helicarrier. Our doctors would study him and try to find out how exactly Hydra brainwashed him to try to find out a cure.

I walked to my room and found it empty. "What the..." "I thought you and Steve were going to share a room?" Tony said. I turned around to find him leaning against the wall with a grin on his face. "Thought I'd help you." He then winked and walked away. I walked to Steve's room, where I found Steve in the doorway staring at the two beds in his room. He looked at me with his mouth half open. "Stark," I replied to his questioning look." He shook his head, "Of course. Well at least he gave us two beds." " Ssssh, don't say that, then we'll find it replaced by one bed tomorrow." I got a text masseage again, it was from Tony. 'Good idea.' it said. "Oh great, seems like's got mic's and camera's everywhere." "Let me guess, we're really going to find it replaced by one bed tomorrow?" "Yes... damn you Stark." I got a wink emoticon as reply.

The next morning the beds were already replaced by one. Steve was lying next to me staring at the ceiling muttering, "How did he do this?" "It's actually just the two beds pushed together sir," Jarvis answered, "He wanted you to wake up and think he was very sneaky and all." "JARVIS!!" Tony's voice sounded from behind the door. "Oh sorry, I shouldn't have said that, just pretend like I didn't tell you." "That doesn't work Jarvis." "I know sir." "Then why did you do that?" "To annoy you sir." He sighed.

During breakfast, everybody had already heard about what had happened and Clint seemed to find it hilarious, so Tony put the whole slipping and falling on Bucky thing on one of the big screens in the cafeteria. We all laughed, especially Thor, who asked Tony to put it on repeat for a while, until Clint hit him. "I'm sorry, are you embarrassed Barton?" "Yes." "Why, it's not you I'm laughing about, it's Wanda, she's funny." Clint smiled slightly, "Okay, maybe you're right."

Steve and I picked up our training schedule again, but this time without Bucky. The doctors needed him to figure out what exactly Hydra did to T'Challa. The training got even more intense and at the end of the day I went to bed completely sore. I found my room empty again, I had forgotten my bed was in Rogers' room now. I went to Rogers' room, only to find the two beds replaced by one big one. "Stark," I mumbled angrily.

I couldn't sleep that night, so I went outside. It was cold, and the helicarrier was flying, but I didn't care, I loved the fresh air and the wind through my hair. "Can't sleep?" "Nope, you neither I suppose." "Yup." Steve stood behind me. "You know, if you'd want to talk to me it would be easier if I could see your face." He walked over and stood next to me. "Better?" "Better, great, you made us sound like a snickers commercial." He smiled, "Well, I'm hungry." "Better go get yourself a snickers." "Nah, I like it far too much over here." "Yeah, you can see the stars and all." "I was actually talking about the company." There it was, the weird fluttery feeling again. "Oh." He moved closer to me and the feeling got stronger. This can't be true... I can't be falling in love with him. We're friends... nothing more. "You're an interesting woman Natasha, and I've got the feeling that since everything that happened in Russia something... changed, between the two of us. He moved closer still. "And I wonder if you feel it too.

I turned around to face him, and suddenly he kissed me. I took me by surprise, but I kissed him back nevertheless. He let go, and I'm sure he saw the shock on my face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, and he walked away.

I wanted to go after him, but I wasn't sure if that was the best thing to do. After all, I wasn't sure about my feelings for him. I never really felt anything like this before. I wanted to go to bed, but figuring Steve would probably there it was best to just stay outside on the helicarrier and wait for sunrise. It also gave me time to think, something I needed.

The next morning we during breakfast Steve and I didn't even look each other in the eye. I'm sure Clint felt the tension between the two of us, because after breakfast he stopped me to talk to me. "What's up between you and Rogers?" I sighed, "It's nothing." "You two didn't as much as look at each other, and you were so close till yesterday." "Things change." "Yes, things change. But I'm pretty sure something happened." "It's none of your business okay?" He looked a little hurt, "Nat," he whispered. I sighed, why shouldn't I tell him, he was my best friend. "It's kind of a long story." "Well, we have all day if that's what it takes." And I told him, I told him everything that happened when Steve and I were in Russia, what happened that night in Wakanda and I even told him about my nightmares about Steve. I continued by telling him about how it was mostly Steve wo got me back into reality. I even told him about the information I shared with Steve the night before we freed T'Challa, and how I calmed Steve down after he had a nightmare. I finished my story with what happened last night.

He smiled slightly when I finished, "I suspected it to be something like that." "You did?" "We're best friends Nat, I've known you for years, yes, I did suspect something like this. You were different around him at first..." "Maybe, but the problem is-." "Yeah I know, you're not sure how you feel." "Got any advice?" "I do, but I'm sure you won't like it." "Tell me anyway." "Go talk to him." "I was afraid you'd say that." "It's the only solution Nat." "I know, I'm just..." "Afraid to hurt him? I think he'll understand." I sighed, "I suppose you're right." "Of course I'm right." "Okay, calm down now." He smiled, "I will, if you go to talk to Rogers now." "Fine, I will."

I walked to Steve's room, or should I say our room? Anyway, I walked to the room where I expected Steve to be. I knocked, but no answer came. I opened the door, but he wasn't there. I went looking for him and eventually found him looking through the window of T'Challa's cell together with Bucky. They both heard me coming and they turned their heads at the same time. I stopped walking. Steve and I stared at each other for a while. I didn't know how to begin. Then Steve told Bucky he had to go and he walked away.

I wanted to follow him, again, but something stopped me. "Well, that was weird," Bucky said. "Not really." "How so?" "Didn't he tell you about last night?" "Of course he did." "Oh." "I told him that maybe he should have given you some more time explain yourself, but he felt too embarrassed. And I suppose he still does, and he only keeps making it worse by walking away every time he sees you." "I thought he was mad." "No, just embarrassed. Let me guess, you came here to talk to him?" "I did." "What were you going to tell him?" I sighed, "Well...," I sighed again, "I don't know actually, I wanted to tell him how I feel about him, but the thing is, I don't know how I feel about him." "That's hard." "So you're not going to tell me I shouldn't hurt your friend?" "No, I'm not." "Why not?" "Because, with my memory coming back and all, I remembered something." "What is it you remembered?"

"I remembered we met before." "You did?" He nodded. It was true, we had met before. And with that I mean we had met before I had even met Steve. And I don't mean that one time he shot me. I mean that time I went after him after he shot me. I told Steve that I went after him, but that it was no use. This was a lie. I found him and for some reason he didn't kill me. We talked and we became friends for a while, but then they brainwashed him again and I had to run away. He almost killed me. "I almost killed you." "Oh well, that wasn't the first time." "Thanks for reminding me... How's the scar." "Big, making me unable to wear a bikini without it showing." "Yeah, like anyone would look at your scar when you are wearing a bikini." "The way you're saying it implies they won't." "We were friends once..." "It's weird isn't it, how things change, how the world keeps spinning and how some people keep coming back into your life?" "It's weird for sure."

We stood there for a while, watching T'Challa. He was bound to a chair and the doctors were doing I don't know what with him. "You know Nat, maybe you should look for Steve." "Oh, yeah, right." He smiled, "He'll be in his, correction, your room." "Thanks," I said as I walked away. "Natasha," Bucky called after me. I stopped and turned around, "Yes?" "Good luck." I smiled, "Thanks," and I continued walking.


	6. Chapter 6

The way from the cell to our room, wow, that sounded weird in my head, seemed shorter than normal. Maybe that was because I was nervous to talk to Steve. Okay, it definitely was because I was nervous, but that was normal in a situation like this. Right? I knocked on the door. "Come in," Steve's voice sounded. I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly, very slowly. Steve was sitting on the bed, facing the door. It seemed like he had been sitting there for a while, doing nothing. "Hey," I said it so soft I was afraid he didn't hear it. "Hi." I walked in and closed the door behind me. "How are you?" "I have been better," he said looking down. "Okay, Nat, I have been stupid by walking away, twice, but I'm just afraid okay... I mean, you're probably angry, and this might ruin our friendship and I don't want that to happen and-." "I'm not angry." "Wait, you're not?" "No, I'm not, just... surprised I suppose." He smiled, "It's fine with me as long as you're not angry." "Wouldn't say that If I were you." "Why not?" I sighed, took a deep and then said, "Steve, can we talk?"

He looked a shocked and a little scared, but he nodded anyway. "Of course we can talk." "Thanks." "What's it you want to talk about?" "About yesterday." "Oh..." "I can do most of the talking." "O-okay." "You know Steve, you really took me by surprise yesterday. I knew we were a lot closer than we were before, but I didn't know your feelings for me were that strong." "I should have told you, I know." "You should've yes. But now it happens that I do have feelings for you too... I'm not sure what kind of feelings, but I know it's stronger than any kind of friendship I ever felt. Even stronger than my friendship with Clint." "What do you mean with that?" "Well, sometimes, when you say something, or when you're close to me I... I feel..." "You feel what?" "Some kind of weird feeling in my stomach... like there's something fluttering around." "That sounds cliché." "I know." "Got to say I feel it too though." "You know what it is?" "Haven't you seen enough movies and read enough books to know what it means?" "I do... I jus thought..." "Nat, what's really going on here?" "I... I don't know, I already told you that." "Natasha." We stared at each other for a moment. "I think," I said, "I think I'm afraid to fall in love."

"Afraid to fall in love?" "I know, it sounds weird and stupid, but still." "It doesn't sound stupid... I think I understand." "You do?" "Yes, after Banner and all." "Well, that's not the only bad experience I have with love." "You got more?" "Well, not really my own experience, but someone who was close to me." "Who?" I didn't know why I started about this, but I knew I could trust Steve enough to finish the story. "My mother." He looked at me, shocked, he didn't expect that answer. "I was young, a five year old girl when my dad died. He was murdered, I still don't know why, but that doesn't matter now. What does matter is that he was murdered in our own house while my mother and I where Christmas shopping." I was surprised by how much I still remembered, I was so young. "I was the one who found him first." "You were?" I nodded slowly. "Two days later I found my mom, she was depressed after my father died and she couldn't handle it anymore. She hung herself from the stairs... I found her when I came home from school." "You... you found both of your parents dead within a week?" "I did... what love can do to a human..." "You know, I always wondered why you were so against love, now I don't, it made you think love was a bad thing, while it actually isn't." "Maybe you're right, maybe it's not, but it's still something we humans don't understand." "That's true, but are there any of our feelings that we truly do understand?" "I don't think so."

Steve and I kept talking for a while longer. He told about his parents, his father was a terrible person, but his mother was a good woman, he loved her very much. We keep talking till it's ate in the night and then we go to bed. I wake up screaming from nightmares again, but this time Steve's close. He takes me in his arms and I lay my head on his chest. I never knew something so small could be so comforting. I think this was the moment I realised I was in love with him.

It was a strange realisation, for I didn't feel happy about it. I wondered why, then it came to me. I never wanted to fall in love. Also, I knew Steve deserved more than the broken human being I was. It made me a little sad to know that he had fallen in love with me too. Maybe it was better if he had stayed with Sharon.

I fell asleep again and woke up the next morning, still in his arms. A part of me loved this and wanted to stay there, but a stronger part kept nagging, telling me that he deserved better. "Morning Nat." "Hey." "How are you?" "I think confused comes closest." "Hmm, how so?" "You know what we talked about yesterday?" "Oh yeah, that." He was still sleepy, which was cute somewhere, but I shouldn't think like that. "Still don't know how you feel?" "I think I do." "Really? How?" "give me the chance to wake up please." "Oh sorry," he said with a smile.

After breakfast I tried to avoid him, which wasn't very hard, helicarriers are big. I trained with Clint, visited T'Challa's cell and went to my old room where I locked myself up to read for a while. I knew I was being stupid, but I wasn't ready to break Steve's heart yet. Not that I'd ever be ready to do that.

When locked up in my room I also thought of what to say. How could I explain to him that I loved him, but that I thought he deserved better? You can't. I thought. And I was indeed afraid it wasn't possible. So I just sat there thinking of ways how to avoid talking to Steve. You're being silly Nat. I sighed, I was right, I was silly, but that didn't make this any easier. I knew I had to talk to him, but I was afraid to hurt him.

Someone knocked on the door. "Nat, are you in there?" I was surprised to hear Tony's voice. "Who else would lock the door?" "Yeah, silly question, I know. What are you doing here?" "Planning the perfect murder." "Very funny, and now for real?" "That's none of your business Stark." "I'm just trying to help..." I sighed, "I know, I just... It's something I got to do alone." "You're confused about something." "Yes." "About what." "I might tell you, but you're a guy, and guys get scared if a woman only mentions it." "Feelings?" "Smart little Stark." "Feelings about what?" "You don't want to know." "Is this about Rogers." "How-." "Camera's everywhere remember?" "Son of a bitch." "Very friendly, anyway, what's the problem? I heard you figured out what you feel for him." "That is the problem." "You only feel friendship for him?" "No." "You love him?" "Yes." "But how's that a problem?" "Because I don't wan to be in love."

"That's... that's a problem yes," Tony said after I let him in. "I know." "What are you going to do about it?" "I don't know." "Why don't you want to be in love?" "Just some bad experiences with love, you know what happened with Banner." "I do." He didn't ask why I brought up Banner, which made me think he knew. "Sitting here doing nothing won't help you." "I know that, I'm just figuring out what to tell Rogers, if I'm going to break his heart I want to bring it in the least painful way I can think of." "I get that, but... I don't think it matters how you tell him. It'll hurt anyway." "I know."

It might not have seemed like it, but Tony helped me. He told me that it was better to just tell Steve now, that it didn't matter how I brought it to him, I'd break his heart anyway. And he was right, even if I would have been soft on him it would have hurt, maybe not so much at first, but later... it would have been painful. No, I was going to be honest, tell him immediately.

It took me some time to find him, but when I did I walked over to him. "Rogers, we need to talk." He went pale, the tone of my voice scared him, I was sure about that. "Let's go outside." He nodded and followed me outside. There I leaned to a wall. "Well, I've had enough time to think of what I'm going to tell you." "You don't love me, do you?" "I didn't say that." His eyes became a little brighter, but he still looked a little scared. I sighed, "Steve, I'm going to be honest with you." "Have you ever not been honest with me?" "Remember that mission on the boat." "Oh... yeah." "Anyway..." "Continue please." "You're not going to like this. Steve, I do love you-." "You do?" He smiled brightly. "Yes, but." "There's a but?" The smile disappeared. "I'm afraid there is yes. I love you Steve, but as I already told you, I'm kind of afraid of love and... I'm a scarred and broken woman... I just think you deserve better." "What do you mean?" "What I mean is that it would be better if we'd stay friends." "What, why? "Because I never wanted any of this. I never wanted to be in love, and because you deserve much better than me." "What do you mean with that?" "Steve, I'm broken, mentally. I... you deserve someone whole, someone that has... abilities that I don't have." "Like what?" "The ability to bare children." That took him aback. "That... Nat that doesn't matter." "It does... Steve you might not care about it now, but later in life... It's just better if we stay friends okay?" I left before he could answer.

It was stupid of me to walk away, I know that, but I couldn't stand it any longer. Steve's face, clearly showing a broken heart, was too much. I had to go. I just hoped it didn't seem too rude, even though I knew it did.

The next morning, we were in America again and we landed at the compound. I spent the entire night in my old room, I had a bed there again, with the door locked. I couldn't sleep, and if I fell asleep I woke up screaming from nightmares. It was a terrible night, but I've had worse, so I got through it relatively easily. At the compound I took my leave as soon as possible. I wanted to be away from Rogers after all of this, I just needed some time, so I decided to go to Italy.

I bought my ticket online and left the day after we arrived. I told no one but Clint, who was strongly against me going off on my own. "Nat, you shouldn't go alone, loneliness isn't good for a person." "Being alone doesn't mean I'll feel lonely Clint." "Natasha..." He sighed, "You know, I know you don't want to, but maybe you should stay here, try to build up a relationship with Rogers, be happy." "You know that's not me, right?" "You could try." "Clint..." "I just want you to be happy okay, and I'm sure that, even though you don't want it now, a relationship could make you happy. Nat, you love him and you shouldn't leave him." "Clint, let me be, please." He sighed, "Are you sure this is what you want?" I nodded solemnly. "Fine, I'll let you go then." And he stepped away, but not before he gave me a hug, "Be careful Natasha." "I will be." Then he let me go and I went to the airport.

But I started to doubt my decision there. What if Clint is right? I shook my head. You shouldn't think like that, Steve will get over you, he deserves better. That's what I kept telling myself, but I knew that, deep inside, I was as heartbroken as Steve.

But I went on the plane anyway, I thought that, maybe if we'd stay away from each other it would change, but well, I was wrong and nothing change. It seemed to get worse actually, and I started to miss him... a lot. But I didn't want to give in, still hoping my feelings, or his feelings would change. I knew it was a stupid thought, but I still hoped for it to happen.

The days in Italy passed slowly, like a movie played in slow-motion. And the city seemed kind of grey to me, even though the sun was shining. And my feelings didn't change. Maybe that's why everything seemed so grey. I spend my days with reading books, and searching the internet for news about the Avengers. Because, hey, I wasn't there, but I still wanted to know what they were doing. How they were doing.

I didn't really find anything interesting though, I actually found nothing at all. Not even something interesting about Stark-Industries. It was a bit disappointing. But one day I found something, a small article about T'Challa. It said that they might have found a cure for his brainwashing. I hoped they did, it would be better for him and for Wakanda.

I wondered how the country was doing without their king. Would it have been taken over by Hydra? Would it have fallen into chaos? I hoped neither, but both seemed plausible. Destroying one base isn't nearly enough to get all those parasites out of the country. And if they were all gone, and the people found out their king was gone... chaos. But there was nothing about it on the internet, so I decided to wait.

During my days in Italy I got several calls and text messages from Steve. Stupid me forgot to forget my phone. I ignored it all, but sometimes I couldn't stop myself from looking at the text messages. And I have to say, I discovered a whole new part of Steve. I sweet, romantic part. He begged me to come back to America, but the fact that he wanted me to come back and the fact that I wanted to go back made me even more reluctant to go back. I know it seems like a weird thing to do, but, I really never wanted any of this. And I was too confused about my own feelings to face Steve.

After one week, I couldn't handle it and I went back to America. Not to the compound, not directly, just America. I did go to New-York though, Stark tower to be exact. I talked to Tony, wanted to know how Steve was doing before I went to the compound to talk to him. "He's kinda sad since you left." "Yeah, I thought so." "He misses you." "Got something new to tell me?" "Not really no, it's all pretty obvious. Except maybe the fact that you can stay here." "Thanks Tony." "We all missed you, you know? You're part of the team Nat, you're our friend." I didn't expect that. "Okay, where does that come from all of a sudden?" "I just thought... we worry about you Nat, you're always.. kinda hiding, behind a mask I mean. I just want you to know that, if there's anything you want to talk about, you can tell all of us. You can trust all of us." Then he walked off to his lab.

I wanted to say something before he was gone, but I didn't really know what. He was right, I did hide behind a mask, and maybe he was right about the fact that I could trust the other Avengers... All of the other Avengers, not just Clint and Steve, as I usually did. "He is right miss," Jarvis' voice sounded, "they worry about you, want you to talk more, but only if you want it yourself. Oh, and Mr.Stark wanted me to tell you that you can use the room that you always used whenever the Avengers stayed here." "Than you Jarvis," I said walking off to the room he meant. "You're welcome miss."

The next morning I went to the compound first thing. I wandered around looking for Steve, but I couldn't find him. I could find Bucky though. "Hey Bucky, do you know where Steve is?" "Is he not in his room?" "No, he's not." "Not in the training room?" "No." "Tried the toilet?" "Three times." "Really?" "Yeah, found Nick there one time asking me what the hell I was doing in the guys bathroom." "Hah." "Yeah, it was a little bit funny. So you have no idea where Rogers could be?" "No, not at all." "Strange." "It sure is."

The next few days we spent looking for Steve, and eventually we found him. In a pub. With Sharon. It seemed like he found a shoulder to cry on. And she seemed happy to have him this close again, even though I'm pretty sure it was her who dumped him. "Well, that's unexpected," Bucky said. "Yeah. Sure is." Even I could hear the disappointment in my voice. "You okay?" "Yeah sure." Steve kissed her on her cheek. I sighed, "It was to be expected he'd go back to Sharon, she's still Peggy's niece." "But he... this doesn't make sense. She dumped him because she thought he only loved her because he loved Peggy." "That's true, yes." "Then why would she take him back now?" "I don't know." I turned around and walked out, I caught a glimpse of them in the mirror, and something about Sharon seemed odd, but I couldn't say what it was.

The next morning Steve took Sharon with him to the compound. And the morning after that. And the whole week after that. And suddenly they were engaged. Everybody was happy for them. Everybody except, Bucky, Tony and me. We were suspicious. Sharon seemed to act a little... odd, not like herself. Sometimes she seemed not to hear us, as if she was listening to something else, as if she had forgotten we were there. I remembered her as someone who was fully aware of what was going on around her. So did Tony.

But we were never sure about anything, of course she just could have been tired. But then, one day Tony came to us and told us something strange. Sharon, who had always had brown eyes, suddenly had bright blue eyes. "How could I not have noticed that?" "Well, it's a small detail." "I know, but still, I'm trained to see small details like that." I felt stupid. This was the detail I couldn't place in the pub more than a week ago, the colour of her eyes. "This isn't Sharon," Tony stated, "this definitely isn't Sharon." "I know." "I wonder who she really is." "So do I, but above all, I wonder how it comes that Steve didn't notice this." "That," Tony saidn slowly, "is a very good question."

We spent the next two days trying to figure out who the fake Sharon was. It was not very easy, for she was constantly clinging around Steve and their behaviour made me lightly irritated. Maybe I was a little jealous. At one point I noticed something odd about Steve, his eyes looked like they were glowing, as if he was hypnotized or brainwashed or something. I reported this to Tony, who replied with a loud "Fuck." Bucky seemed confused when we told him. "How could he have been brainwashed or hypnotized, we've been here all the time." "I know, but I also know there I something wrong." Bucky nodded, "That's right, but if it's brainwashing or hypnotizing I'm afraid magic is involved." "Or something with a magical power source," Tony said. "Magical power source?" "Yes, has anyone seen Vision around lately?" "No, why?" "Because he had one of the Infinity Stones in his head. I have contact with people in outer space, and they told me about them. They said that the stone in Visions head was called the Mind stone. It can control people's minds. That's how Loki controlled Barton and Selvig." "People from outer space?" "Yeah, some division called the Nova Corps, and a guy called Peter Quill, he likes to call himself Star-Lord though." "And they told you about those stones?" "Yes." "And since Vision is gone you think someone stole the stone out of his head?" "And used it to brainwash Steve, yes." "That's crazy..." "I know it is." "But it does seem plausible." "I know it does." "So, how did you get Clint back again?" "I hit him very hard in the head." "Well, I think we're going to need to hit Steve very hard in the head." "But what about the person who brainwashed him?" "We'll take care of that."

And so we did, or at least we tried. I followed Sharon around for days, but I couldn't find anything strange about her. And she began to find me annoying and highly suspicious. So that didn't really work, and we had to find out who she was and what she was up to via a different road.

This different road meant, Tony calling his outer space friend and asking him to come help us out here on earth. Which he did. Peter Quill came to earth with his gang of... yeah weirdo's actually. Or at least, they look a little weird in the beginning. They're actually very nice. Anyway, he came to earth with a green woman, a guy who somehow refuses to wear t-shirts, a raccoon who doesn't want to be called a raccoon and who denies he's a raccoon, a little tree guy and a woman with antennae. "Welcome back to earth Peter," Tony greeted. "Feels good to be back." "What a strange planet, it looks pathetic, just like you Peter," the shirtless guy said. "Thanks Drax." "You're welcome." "That was sarcastic." "Don't mind Drax," the raccoon said, "his kind takes everything literally." "You said you had someone here who was possibly brainwashed by someone using an Infinity stone," the green woman stated. "Seems like he is yes, and I think we actually have two of them." "You think Sharon is brainwashed too?" I sounded sceptical. "Why else do you think her eyes are blue all of a sudden? Same happened to Clint when Loki brainwashed him." "That's true." "Loki," the green woman sounded surprised, "You've met Loki?" "Yeah, you know him?" I asked, slightly curious. "Not really no, all I know is that he was once brainwashed by Thanos and attacked earth with the chitauri several years ago. Weren't you the people who stopped him?" "Wait Loki was brainwashed too?" "Yes, by Thanos." "Who?" Tony asked. "Thanos, the mad titan." "Might have heard a bit of him... not much." "And how do you know Loki was brainwashed by Thanos?" "I was once close to Thanos, something I'd rather not talk about." "Thanos is a terrible, terrible guy, killed a lot of people, all kinds of humanoids... And helped Ronan who tried to destroy Xandar... You don't want to meet him," Peter said, "and Gamora here unfortunately was in his service once." "Wait what? She was in the service of a guy like that?" "Yes, she was Stark." "And you're sure we can trust her." "Oh come on Tony, people can change," I said. "Give me an example of someone who walked over to the good side." I raised an eyebrow, "Uh hello, who is it you're talking to?" "You." "And I am?" "Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow." "And I once worked for?" "The KGB..." "Which is?" "The bad side... Okay, you made your point." "I indeed did." "So you're gonna trust her?" Peter asked. "Well, I gave the red head a chance... all the Avengers did... so it would only be fair to give her one too. Also, it works that she's good looking." She rolled her eyes. "Hands off Stark," Peter said. "Oh, you like her huh?" "Maybe..." She glanced away. "And from the looks of it she likes you too." "Is he always like this?" Gamora asked. "Not always, sometimes he's worse." "Thanks Nat." "You're welcome."

We made a plan and split up in little groups. Both Peter and Tony thought it'd be a good idea to put me and Gamora in a team. "I'd like to see those in action together," Tony said, "two good looking assassins. I responded with a sigh. Gamora just looked slightly irritated at him. "Already told you to keep your hands off, didn't I Stark?" "I can flirt with the redhead." "The redhead, has a name, and would prefer it if you didn't flirt with her," I said. Peter sniggered, "Well Stark, you're really as great with the ladies as you told me." "I expected you to be better too." "Girls don't really fall for playboys," Gamora stated. "I changed," Peter said." "I know." "We should get to work," I said, sounding a little bit bored. "We should yes, everyone knows the plan?" We all responded with a clear, "Yes," and walked off to do whatever we needed to do.


	7. Chapter 7

The plan was simple, the preparations were not. Why not? Because I had to make Gamora look like a normal human. Which wasn't easy, not at all. Especially since Gamora didn't seem to like it. "This is itching," she said. "I know it is, I've worked with it a lot." "You have?" "Yeah, but mostly not this much." "Mostly?" "Okay, never this much... but, it's necessary I mean... you're green." "I know I am." "And we need to make you look like a human," I sighed, "Which is going to cost me a lot of make-up. And a lot of work... really, guys don't understand how expensive this stuff is." "That's because most of them don't use it." "I like how you say most of them." "That's because I got my doubts about Taneleer Tivan." "Who?" "Taneleer Tivan, also known as the collector, likes to collect everything in the universe." "Like, objects?" "And living creatures." "Humanoids too?" "Yes." "Creepy." "He is a creep for sure." "How did you meet him?" "Oh well, that's a long story." "I suppose we have enough time for it." She sighed, "That might be true. Well, it started with an object called the orb. A guy I "worked for" at the moment, called Ronan, wanted this orb. But I had other plans, in secret I made a deal with the Collector to sell the orb to him. So, Ronan send me to retrive the orb, and I thought it was going to be an easy job, never had I been so wrong. I encountered some problems."

"I went to Xandar, because that is where a certain guy named Peter Quill, brought the orb to so he could sell it to the Broker. Only, Peter couldn't sell it because he mentioned Ronan wanted the orb and people were afraid of Ronan. And with good reason." She sighed. "So, Peter still had the orb, when I was waiting for him outside of the shop. Where I tried to well... flirt with him to make my job a bit easier." "Yeah, I know how that goes." "Only, he didn't really fall for it, I took the orb, but he was fast and he caught me. So we fought until Rocket and Groot got into it because Peter had a high bounty on his head. We we're caught by the Nova Corps, who send us to the Kyln, a prison. There we met Drax, who hated me back then and wanted to kill me, but I was saved by Peter, whom I had told I was going to sell the orb, and he wanted a share in the money. So together with Rocket and Groot we made an escape plan, in which Drax joined us."

"We then went to Knowhere, the severed head of a Celestial being, where we'd meet the Collector. Uh, we waited for him in a café, where Rocket and Drax got themselves drunk and started to fight. Peter and I stopped them from killing each other, after which Drax temporarily left the team. Not long after that Taneleer's helper, aka slave, Carina walked in to fetch us for her "master"." "Wait, what were Peter and you doing before all that?" "We were talking, I was cleaning my sword." "Sword?" "I have a sword." "Well that's.... medieval." "So?" "Nothing. Swords are nice. So, just talking?" "Well, he allowed me to listen to his music, and he tried to seduce me and... I slammed him into a railing telling him that I knew about his reputation and that I wouldn't fall for him." "That's all?" "Yes, that's all." "Okay, please continue."

"So, we followed Carina to the Collector's collection. Were we handed the orb to Taneleer, or actually, Peter first dropped it and then handed it to him. He then opened it in front of us, telling us about the power it contained. But then Carina saw her chance to escape from the collector by using the Infinity stone the orb contained, so she touched it and there was an explosion." "Sounds like what Tony would describe as a party." "What?" "A joke... even though he likes to blow up stuff at parties. So, that's the story of how you met that Collector guy?" "It is." "What happened after?" "You really want to know?" "Well yes, it was just starting to get interesting."

"Okay, so, I had the idea to bring the orb to the Nova Corps, but Peter and Rocket didn't agree to this, because they thought that the Nova Corps would lock us up again. So we got angry at each other and we went back to that café, where we found Ronan's troops waiting for us because Drax called him. So, we had to fight them, and of course, Nebula, my... sister, was there." "Sister?" "Not by blood, but yes. So, well she hated me at the time and she chased after me, chased me out of Knowhere in a pod that wasn't supposed to be in open space, it broke down, I almost died, but was saved by Peter, who called the Ravagers. The Ravagers raised him, but were looking for him because he betrayed them. So, they wanted to kill us, but we managed to come to an agreement with them and then Rocket and Drax almost blew us up. But, we stopped them, went back on the Milano, Peter's ship, were we... well, we listened to Peter's "plan" and-." "Wait, what do you mean with "plan"?" "Well, it actually was just twelve percent of a plan, which is barely even a concept, but, well we decided to just try it. So, we attacked the Dark Aster, Ronan's ship, kind of crashed into the Aster, where we had to fight some of his troops and where I fought Nebula again."

"Eventually we found Ronan and tried to kill him, which didn't work out as planned, so the Dark Aster crashed on Xandar, and we almost died but got saved by Groot. Ronan survived too, so Peter distracted him by singing and dancing," she sighed, "such an idiot sometimes. Anyway, this worked, Ronan got shot by one of Rocket's weapons and Peter managed to get hold of the Infinity stone. Which we then used against Ronan. And that's how we defeated Ronan." "You forgot the parts where I asked you to dance and where I called Ronan a bitch, because he said it himself, we're the Guardians of the Galaxy," Peter's voice sounded through the door." "Like I said, such an idiot sometimes." "I know you care about me." She looked at the door, annoyed yet smiling.

Even after that whole story she still looked kinda green. So I kept going with the make-up. "And how did you meet those guys?" "What, you mean the Avengers?" "If that's what you call yourselves." "Yes." "Well then, how did you meet them?" "Well, you have to understand, not all Avengers are here, or actually, not all original Avengers. At the moment we got Tony, Steve and me here. There were three other guys, one a god, Thor, then there was Clint, also known as Hawkeye. And Bruce Banner, the Hulk. Thor is back at Asgard now, Clint retired and Banner is dead." "Ow." "Yeah well... So, uh... I met Clint first. He was send to kill me but... we kinda became friends, he fell in love with me at first actually. So, he didn't kill me, he helped me escape from the KGB..." "What's that?" "Bad, the KGB trains young girls to become cold-blooded assassins." "That's bad indeed." "So, anyway, he helped me, and took me to S.H.I.E.L.D. And well, several years later I was send to kinda spy on a guy called Tony Stark. He didn't know what I was at the time, I went under the name Natalie Rushman, he found out eventually though... Banner I met later, when I was send to talk him into the Avengers. Steve I met on one of the helicarriers... And Thor.. well he suddenly came in to steal our prisoner and his adopted brother Loki." "That all sounds crazy." "That's because it was crazy." "What happened after?" "Way too much."

"Let's just say, Thor teamed up with us and Loki was setting us all against each other. And he eventually managed to escape and I got the Hulk after me... which is pretty scary. And well... Clint was brainwashed and... I had to fight him and I hit him in the head very hard and he wasn't brainwashed anymore." "Oh, that's good to know." "Yeah, could come in handy. Anyway, we then had to fight those weird alien Loki took with him." "The Chitauri." "Uh, those guys yes." "They work for Thanos." "Oh, never knew that. So well, we fought the Chitauri, but eventually someone had to go up Stark tower to try close the portel. And of course I took the initiative to do that. So I jumped on one of those flying chariots with some of those Chitauri on them, with help of Steve of course, so I could get on the building."

"There I found Dr. Erik Selvig, a friend of Thor, who was also brainwashed, but who was kind of okay at that time. And he helped me to get Loki's sceptre so I could close the portal. But first Tony had to throw some explosive into space before I could close the portal... Yeah I know, it's all very weird, but they wanted to blow up the city... So Tony dropped that thing off and almost died and I closed the portal and all the guys came back to Stark tower where we confronted Loki... And so we captured him again and we all went our separate ways for a while." "

"What happened to you after?" "Oh well, I had several missions, some of them with Clint, some of them with Steve. And... well something went wrong one day... Nick Fury got "killed" by the Winter Soldier, and he left Steve a USB, which Steve left in a vending machine, behind the bubble gum, good thing I like that stuff. Anyway, I got my hands on that USB and Steve found me when he came to look for it and he asked me what I knew. First I told him I knew nothing, but later I told him I knew who had "killed" Fury, who actually wasn't dead at all, but we didn't know that at the time."

"So, we went to the apple store, where I tracked the software down to an old camp... The camp where Steve was trained to be a soldier, and where S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded. Here we found the... brain of an old Swiss scientist called Armin Zola all... on databanks." "What?" "Yeah, I thought the exact same thing, and I was right there. Anyway, we talked with that... guy, and he told us that S.H.I.E.L.D. had been infected with Hydra agents all along and he send a bogey at us. And we were right in that, but we survived... I was unconscious though. But Steve managed to get us away before the Hydra agents came looking for us and he took us to the house of one of his... friends."

"There we could stay for a while, have a shower... and I told Steve how I felt about... S.H.I.E.L.D. being infested by Hydra... which was pretty bad." "Why?" "Well, because I thought I was, you know, going straight, but it turned out I was... not really going straight... because... Hydra... it's.. it's bad. So, anyway, we made a plan to find out what the hell was going one, but we were stopped by the Winter Soldier, who turned out to be Steve's long lost love Bucky Barnes." "What?" "Joking, his best friend, his name is still Bucky Barnes though. But Bucky didn't know any of that anymore, so he fought us and we got captured." "That's bad." "Sure was, especially since I was bleeding from a shot wound." "Ow." "Yeah, so we were loaded in a van, and in that van was Maria Hill, who's kind of the right hand of Nick Fury, and she knocked out the guard and helped us escape. She brought us to Fury, my shoulder got patched up and we made a plan to stop Hydra's plan. Which included me playing dress up as one of the council members."

"So, we went to the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and there I went up with the other council members while Steve and his friend Sam tried to stop the helicarriers by swapping some disks... which went pretty well until Sam's suit lost one wing and Bucky got into the fight. In the meanwhile I was putting all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secrets out on the internet. But well, I kinda got shocked and Steve was still fighting and it was pretty much one big mess. But I'm still here, all the secrets are on the internet... which pretty much worked against me, and well... that's kinda it. We found Steve near a river bank after he switched the last disks and we had to patch him up a little... Sam almost fell through the helicopter, but we managed to keep him in... That's kinda it. Oh wait, Steve asked me for a favour, so I asked for a file about Bucky. Which I got. And which I gave to Steve after Nick faked yet another death. So, well... Nick went off, and I talked to Steve a bit, told him not to rush into anything dangerous, which, of course, he did eventually, gave him a kiss on his cheek and walked off to do my own stuff." "A kiss on his cheek?" "Yeah, and no, we're not a couple."

"You sure?" Tony asked walking in, Peter trailing behind him. "Yes, I am." "Nice story all that, was that when Steve found out Bucky killed my parents?" "Yes..." "You knew?" "I... I... I... kinda..." "You knew." "Yes," my voice was barely a whisper. "And you never told me." "No..." "Typical... so typical." Peter saw the tension and he told Tony they could better leave us alone. Tony nodded and they left. "Steve's friend killed Tony's parents?" "He did." "How?" "Well, to begin with, they're both a bit older than they look. I mean, they look around thirty, but Bucky is a hundred years old and Steve will be ninety-nine this year." "What?" "Yeah see, they were both frozen." "But, a human can't survive that." "They both have some kind of serum in them, a super soldier serum, that's how they survived." "Ah." "I know, sounds weird, earth is weird." "I'm starting to figure that out." "Good. So, anyway, Bucky was brainwashed by Hydra, and had a metal arm, and they made him kill Tony's parents." "And you knew that?" "I did, and I never told Tony, even though he was my friend... kind off at least, I mean, he probably still trusts me as far as he can throw me, which isn't far. But hey, I'm used to that. The only two people who really trust me are Clint and Steve, at least, as far as I know." "Seems hard." "Like I said, I'm used to it." "That doesn't make it any less hard." "No... that's true." We sat in silence for a while, while I finished her make-up.

Not much later Peter walked in. "Hey, Tony told me to check on... what the heck happened here?" He was looking at Gamora. "Make-up," I said simply. "But... green... skin coloured... how?" "That's a secret. Maybe it's magic, maybe it's Maybelline." "What?" "That's a make-up brand..." "Oh. Yeah well how should I know? I haven't been here in years." I smiled, "I'm just teasing." "Oh... anyway, Gamora..." He looked her up and down, "Hmm yeah, you're better when your green... it's more... you." She seemed to be pleased with that statement. The way she looked at him and talked about him made me think she had a crush on him, but I decided not to mention it... now... Not with Peter around anyway. "So uh... since you girls are done... we wanna got through everything again, so, you coming to join us?" "Sure," we both said. "Wow, that was weird," he answered. "Not that weird." "Why not?" "You know... assassins." "Yeah, like that makes it any less weird." "Tragic backstories." "That makes me curious, but it's still weird." "It's just coincidence, don't make a thing of it." "But it's weird." "Humans," Gamora said with a sigh. "Aliens," Peter said in a lightly mocking tone. "Hey, how about we just go join you guys in... wherever it is you want to join you?" I implied. "Cafeteria." "Good, I'm starving," Gamora said "Let's go." And she walked off towards the cafeteria.

Tony, Bucky, Drax, Mantis, Rocket and Groot were waiting for us there. Gamora walked over to the kitchen and came back with an apple. "Well," said Tony, "I see the two of you are done too. Good job Nat." "Thanks Stark." "So, I wanted all of you to come over here just to go through the plan again." At this point Wanda walked in, walked over to the kitchen, came back with a smoothie and leaned against the wall her eyes on Tony. Tony didn't notice. "So, Nat, Gamora, you'll distract them." "Sure, you guys always leave that to me," I said. "Yeah well, you're quite good at that. Peter, Drax and I will follow them to wherever it is you take them." "Gym," Peter brought in. "Uh yeah, there, and Rocket, Groot and Mantis will be waiting there to fight... Everything clear?" "Crystal clear." "Isn't that... a water brand...?" "Maybe, maybe not." "You're vague Nat." "I know, I like it." He sighed, "Yeah, I thought so... Just go, do your thing." "Fine, Wanda, you wanna help?" I asked, turning to face her. "Yeah why not?" she said with a shrug. "Wait, you've been standing there for how long?" "Long enough to hear the plan. So, who you gonna fight?" "Steve and Sharon." "About time, they are brainwashed." "When did you find out?" "Like... a week ago..." "And you didn't tell us?" "I thought it was obvious." "Well not for us!" "Tony, leave her alone," I said turning to him. "It comes natural to her and she sometimes forgets it doesn't come natural to us, like you sometimes forget not everybody is a genius." "Indeed, thanks Nat." "You're welcome Witchy...." "Don't call me that.... Ever again." I smirked, "Sorry." "You're not sorry." "Nat just likes giving nicknames from time to time." "How about we just start that mission huh? I got other stuff to do." "Not so impatient Wanda." "Like I said," she said walking out of the room, "I got other stuff to do. Also, that brainwashing is really bad for their brains and could damage them. Come on people!" I looked at Gamora, shrugged and Walked after Wanda.

"So, where are they?" Wanda asked. "I have no idea," I answered. "Why don't you know where they are?" "Why would I, you think I got Steve tagged or something?" "Well, you once gave him a necklace for his birthday... Is there a chip in it?" "Yeah, let me trace it. Come to think of it, I got all of you tagged." "What?" "Yeah, Tony in every one of his suits, Clint's got a necklace too. So does Sam. And Thor... Banner had one too. It's easy to put them in necklaces." "How about me?" "Remember that bracelet I gave you?" She looked at her wrist, then she shrugged, "Oh well, it's still pretty. Also, why?" "I'm not just an assassin, I'm also a spy. Old habits die hard Wanda. And sometimes it's good to know where your friends are, if they are in danger or not." "It can sense if we're in danger." "It can." She looked at her wrist again, "That's weird." "I know, but you know... weirder stuff happens every day. Hmm, they're in his bedroom... I don't like the sound of that." "Jealous?" both Wanda and Gamora asked me in a teasing tone. "No...."

So we walked to Steve's room, not really sure what we'd find there. I knocked on the door. "Who's there?" Steve's voice sounded. "Just me, and Wanda... and a friend of ours." "Who's that friend?" "Doesn't matter now, just trust me, she's not dangerous." He opened the door, "I'll trust you. So now, why are you here?" "I just need some help training Wanda, and I thought of you. Sharon, you can come and watch if you like." "Oh I'd like to watch," Sharon said. "I can help," Steve told us at the same time. "Good, let's get going then. Oh yeah, we're also training our friend here." Steve looked Gamora over, "She looks like a fighter." And I swear I could hear her mumble, "You have no idea." I looked back to see if this was all real, if Steve and Sharon were really following us. They really were. That went easy. I thought. Maybe a bit too easy. Then suddenly I got a message via an earpiece, it was Tony. "Hey Nat, just wanted to say, Clint's in with the plan too," he hung up.

The whole plan went relatively well, considering most of the plans of the Avengers just... fuck up at some point, but, surprise surprise, that didn't last for too long. Getting them to the training room, no problem. Tony, Drax and Peter coming in after us and blocking the doors, no problem. Mantis, Rocket, Groot, Bucky and Clint waiting there for us, no problem. But then they came out and Sharon and Steve noticed it was a trap they were led into. And I can tell you, both of them are great fighters, especially Steve of course, since he's a super soldier and all that, so eventually Mantis went down, then Tony, then Clint. Steve choke slammed Drax to a wall and held him until he was unconscious while I was fighting Sharon. "You know Wanda, we could really use some help!" "I'm, trying but whoever the damn person was that brainwashed them stopped my magic from working on them!" "Fuck," I heard Bucky mutter under his breath. Eventually the one who brought Steve down was, to everybody's surprise, Groot. "What the-." Steve mumbled. He was caught off guard for a short while, but not long enough, for he grabbed a knife and cut himself loose. Groot growled, from anger or in pain I did not know. I saw him walk over to Clint's unconscious body from the corner of my eye. Both Bucky and Gamora tried to stop him, neither succeeded.

He picked Clint up and put a knife to his throat. "Stop this nonsense now, so none of you will die!" he bellowed, but it was not his own voice. I saw Gamora flinch at the sound of it, and even though I hadn't known her for too long, I knew she was tough. The fact that that voice scared her, it scared me. "Thanos," I heard her whisper. "That's bad," said Peter sitting next to an unconscious Drax while he tried to wake him up. "Thanos?" I heard Wanda say. "My... the Mad-Titan," Gamora told her. "Is that how you call your father Gamora? The Mad-Titan?" "You're not my father," she whispered angrily and a chili went down my spine. "Then how do you call the man who raised you?" "I don't call you anything except a monster, a madman, a Titan or a Tiran." He laughed and not just a little, a deep booming laugh escaped from Steve's throat. "Hmmm, maybe you're right, maybe I am mad, maybe I'm a Titan or a Tiran, but that doesn't change the fact that I raised you and created you. And now get out of my way before I might regret that!" "What is your plan with those humans?" "I used them to spy on this lot, the Avengers, it was said they might form a threat to me, but I don't see how. So, if you just stop fighting now, no one will die. Today." We dropped our weapons, all but Gamora. "You want me to kill him?" She shook her head. "Then drop your sword. She stared at him for a while, full of anger. But eventually she sighed and dropped her gaze and her sword. "Good girl," Thanos said, "Very good girl." And then, with a wicked grin on Steve's face he sliced Clint's throat, after this I saw both Steve and Sharon dropped right to the ground. I heard someone scream "NO!" And it took me a few seconds to realize the scream was mine.

I ran over to Clint and squatted down beside him. Blood was streaming out of a big cut in his throat, he was dead but his body was still warm. I don't really know what happened then. I only noticed a few things. Steve waking up, hearing him ask me what happened, but I was too stunned to answer. Wanda frozen in shock. She, just like me, was once kind of "saved" by Clint. I couldn't think clear. All I could think was: Why him? The best friend I've ever had. The man who was send to kill me but spared me. Why him? The first person to ever care about me, to ever see me for who I really was. The only person I was sure I could rely on, no matter what? The first person I ever trusted.... Why him?

The rest of that moment was one big blur to me, Clint was the only thing that mattered. His body slowly growing colder while I held his hands. The peaceful look on his face, where minutes before had been a scared one. After that I remember nothing, but they told me I went hysterical. I can tell you, something really really bad has to happen before I go hysterical. Losing my best and closest friend would do, as you can see. They told me the left me there, all alone. They didn't know what to do. I do remember waking up there, seeing Clint and feeling the same pain as I had felt when he died. But I wasn't alone anymore. Wanda was there too.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to wake you up." "No, it's fine," I told her, with a choked-up voice. I looked up at her and saw she looked almost as terrible as I felt. I tried to smile and she tried to smile back, we both failed at smiling and she sat down beside me. We sat there in silence for a while, until I broke it. "He was like a father figure to you, wasn't he?" She looked at me, confused for a while, then nodded. "He was... He pretty much convinced me to join you guys... He... he seemed to care about me. It had been a long time since anyone but my brother cared about me. And since we're talking about my brother anyway now... He died to save him." She sounded just like me, choked up. "How did you meet him?" "Well, he was actually send to kill me. So, he observed me, eventually we met and we got to know each other and somehow he couldn't kill me, so he convinced me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. Mind you, I was pretty eager to join." "Did he ever tell you why he couldn't kill you?" "He did," I sighed. "And at first it almost broke our friendship, but it survived somehow." I managed a weak smile. "Can I... know the reason?" "He fell in love with me." "Really?" "Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, especially since he's married now and a-. Oh damn..." "What?" "Laura." "Laura?" "Laura and the kids, they don't know!" She stared at me, eyes wide, "Dammit," she whispered. "How... how can we tell them what happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know."

It took us two days to get the courage to go tell Laura and the kids what happened to Clint. In the meanwhile Wanda and I, who never really had been good friends, got closer together. We sorted out Clint's room, which was pretty neat and organized. Eventually I stumbled upon his bow, and we wondered what to do with it. We decided to give it to Laura when we'd bring her the news.

Of course she didn't take it well, I mean, her husband died, how'd you take that. It's a good thing she didn't blame Steve though, she understood he was brainwashed. So did Cooper, and even Lila knew the great Captain America wouldn't kill her father if he weren't brainwashed. Nathaniel was too young to understand, but I was sure it he would when he was old enough. After we told her we gave her the bow, the quiver and the remaining arrows, then we drank some tea and left.

The funeral was shortly after that, four days or something. It wasn't much, just Laura and the kids, the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, who would leave for space again the day after, and some old-friends of Clint. Most of them ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. I was surprised to see Thor and Nick though. It was a pretty long funeral, we all wrote a speech. And then, shortly before it was over, the fans came, I never really knew the Avengers, had fans. You should have seen it, hundreds of them, all there to pay Clint one last goodbye. Somehow it was heart-breaking, I'm sure even Tony cried. We talked with some of them before we left, and when we left the magical moment was over.


	8. Chapter 8

A few days after the funeral I noticed something about Steve. It was like he was withdrawing himself from us. From all of us. I wanted to talk to him but he seemed to avoid me the most. Also, he looked kinda sad, and I was afraid he blamed himself for what had happened to Clint. I didn't want him to feel like that, none of us did, because it wasn't his fault. And of course Sharon had left, scolding him for dragging her into this. Saying it was his fault she was on the list for brainwashing by the Mad-Titan Thanos. This of course made him feel even worse. Wanda saw how much I was worrying about him, and she decided to talk to me about it. I was a little reluctant at first, but I had to talk to somebody. "So, how are you?" she asked me. "I'm fine," I answered out of habit. "Are you sure about that?" I sighed, "No." "Then, how are you really?" "Honestly? Pretty bad." "Why?" "I'm worried about Steve." She nodded, "I noticed that, that's why I asked you how you're doing. Why are you so worried?" "Well, he doesn't talk to anyone, or well... almost doesn't talk to anyone and... he looks so sad, like he blames himself for what happened to Clint and I just want to talk to him about it but he's avoiding me and... It does kinda hurt that he's avoiding me, but I'm also worrying about what he's doing to himself, about what he's telling himself. I don't want him to feel guilty about something that isn't his fault." She nodded, "I understand that, we all worry about him. You even more because you like him of course." I looked away, "You know, after all what happened I'm kind of confused about that." "I'm pretty sure you'll come to like him again." "How so?" "Because I made a bet with Tony, Thor, Sam and Bucky and I don't want to lose it." I smiled, "You're weird." She shrugged, "Oh well, nobody is normal. Anyway, if you want to talk to Steve, he's in his room right now." She walked off.

She clearly wanted me to talk to him, god knows why. So I decided to go to his room. I knocked on his door. "Who's there?" I heard him say. He sounded just as bad as he had looked the few times I had seen him after the funeral. "It's me," I said. "Natasha?" "Who else?" I heard him sigh, "Why are you here?" "To talk, can I come in?" "Can't we talk like this?" "Not very personal, is it?" He sighed again, "Fine, come in." I did and sat down next to him on his bed. "So, what you want to talk about?" "You." "Me?" "Yes, you." "Why that?" I looked him in the eye, something he'd been trying to avoid. "Because I'm worried about you Steve," I said softly. "You're worried about me?" "Yes, just look at yourself... you look terrible, you barely eat, and you look like you haven't slept in days. What's wrong Steve?" "It... it's nothing really." "I don't believe that for a second." "Well that's your fault." "Steve I know somethings wrong. Why don't you trust me and tell me?" He looked me over for a while and it felt like an hour before he finally answered, while in reality it was just a minute. "I... I do not sleep indeed. I have nightmares Nat. I hear his voice, Thanos's. It... it's scary, he tells me what I should do, he makes me do it too. And I don't want it, I try to fight it but I can't I'm too weak. Every night I dream about that, and almost every night I relive the moment in which I killed Clint." "Steve, that wasn't you, it was Thanos who killed him." "Only because I was too weak to fight him." "Steve, even the gods can't fight him, remember when Loki came to earth? When he almost destroyed New-York?" "How could I forget, I met a whole gang of idiots thanks to that." "Don't you mean I met a whole gang of idiots?" He smiled ever so slightly. "Maybe." "The thing is, he was brainwashed by Thanos at the time and since he wasn't strong enough to find him, no one expected you to be strong enough. You're just a human Steve. A super-soldier yes, but a human still." He looked down, then, softly, he asked me, "You really don't blame me?" "Why would I?" "It... it where my hands that sliced his throat." "Your hands maybe, but not your actions. No Steve, I don't blame you." Then, almost out of nowhere, he hugged me. "Thank you," he whispered, and it sounded like he was crying, "Thank you Natasha. I... I can't express how relieved I am." "Relieved, why?" "I thought you'd hate me after what I did." "We both know I could never hate you. You're my friend."

That night I spent in Steve's room. Together with Steve of course. To help him keep his nightmares at bay, just as he had done for me. That seemed like a really long time ago now, even though I'm sure it was just about four to four and a half months. It did help, for both of us. I might not have told him, but I had nightmares too of what had happened. I saw Clint die in my dreams almost every night now. But somehow the nightmares stages away as we laid in each other's arms. That might sound romantic and all, but really, it was just for our mental health. Okay, maybe it was a bit romantic.

The next morning he looked a lot better, we had slept until nine o' clock. I looked better too. At breakfast he ate a large bowl of cereal. While he was eating I stared at him smiling. It didn't take him long to notice that. "Why are you smiling like that?" "Because you're eating," I admitted. "That makes you smile?" "Well I haven't seen you eat for a while." "Yeah, could be, but I'm hungry, so I eat. Maybe you should do that too." "Maybe I should yes." "Just go get yourself some cereal." Smiling I did as he told me. This was more like the Steve I knew. Not completely him yet, but hey, we were all grieving. I took a bowl of cereal, but someone had used the last bit of milk for his breakfast, so I had to use yoghurt. Not that I minded that very much. "Yoghurt?" Steve asked surprised. "Yeah, the milk went missing. Wonder who kidnapped it." "Oops." "Oh well, doesn't matter. Yoghurt works just as good, and the cereal doesn't get too wet, so it's better actually." He rolled his eyes, "Sure." "No really, wanna try?" "Sure." He picked up his spoon and scooped a spoonful out of my cereal bowl. "Hmmm, indeed, not as wet as with milk." "Told you." "You want me to tell you you're right?" That would be pleasing." "What if I don't?" "You'll find out if you don't." "Then I don't" "Not smart." He stuck out his tongue. "Very mature," I said just before I used my spoon to launch a spoonful of cereal into his face. Not much later we were in a complete foodfight when the other Avengers walked in. Tony looked at the mess for a while, then picked up a piece of a cake that Steve found I don't know where and smeared it through Thor's hair. Not much later we we're fighting in teams. Tony, Thor, Sam and Peter Parker, who had been here for a few days, on one side. Steve, Bucky, Wanda and me on the other side. We fought with all the food we could find, except of course for hard things like apples and that kind of stuff. After the foodfight we sat on the ground laughing like idiots. Steve put an arm around me. "God I'm so glad you're here," he said pulling me into a hug. "And I'm damn glad you don't hate me." "Steve mind your language," Thor told him. He rolled his eyes and smiled. "You're amazing Nat, and I really want to thank you for being there for me." "Well I didn't do much." "You did exactly enough," he said and he kissed me on my nose. And for some weird reason I reacted to that by looking up into his eyes. They were still blue, but not the brainwashed blue, no, they were his blue. And I absolutely loved it. I laid my head on his chest, cuddled up to him, closed my eyes and cared about nothing but his strong arms around him. And for the first time in a long time I felt truly safe.

Again I spent the night in Steve's room. And again only to keep the nightmares away, not because I wanted it. At least that's what I told myself, of course I wanted it. There was something about that kiss on my nose, something sweet. I couldn't put my finger on it but I did know the butterflies came back in my stomach when he did it. It was like they never left. Of course I knew love was the last thing he'd be thinking of at that moment, I mean, he kissed me on my nose yes, but that didn't mean he had feelings for me right? Right? Anyway, it was good to be sure about my own feelings. Whatever Steve felt would be of later concern, first he had to become himself again.

The day after the food fight Steve woke me up a little before nine. And when I say a little I mean it sarcastic because it was friggin five o' clock in the morning! "Look, the sun is rising," he said. I mumbled something about the rising sun being too bright for my soul. "What?" "Nothing." He practically dragged me out of the bed to watch the sun rise with him. The sunrise was beautiful, and he looked very happy about it. And I was glad he was happy about something again, but did that have to be at five in the morning? So even though it was truly beautiful, I sat there looking annoyed because five o' clock in the morning is wat too early to get up for any reasonable human being. We sat there for at least an hour, then Steve turned to me. "How about we do some shopping today huh?" "Hmm," I "said" not ready for a conversation because it was still too early. "Shopping, you know, city, shops, pigeons." "Yeah..." He looked at me weird. Then he seemed to realize something. "Oops... I forgot you're not a morning person. I think I'd have dragged you out of bed anyway, because it was too beautiful for you to miss, but, my apologies." "Hmmm," I said again. He looked me over, then picked me up and pretty much threw me on the bed. "Hey!" He stuck out his tongue. I threw a pillow at him and hit him full in the face. We threw pillows at each other for a while, then went back to sleep for two hours.

That afternoon he took me into the city to do some shopping. "You dare Rogers, shopping with a woman, that takes a lot of time." "With a woman like you it does." "What does that mean?" "Well, you are kinda picky." I shrugged, "That's true. But I just like to look good. It's not called being picky Rogers, it's called being fabulous." He sighed, "Sure." "And of course I'm going to make sure you look fabulous too." "You're going to do what?" "You need some new clothes." "I don't." "Yes you do." "Natasha-." "No, you're going to buy new clothes." "But-." "No but." He sighed, "Fine, what you want." "Good Steve." "I'm still not a dog Natasha." "You'd still make a good Golden-Retriever." "Yeah, and Bucky would be a German Shepard. Thor a space-Labrador, Tony a cat and Sam would be a normal Labrador." "Space-Labrador?" "Yes, and you'd be a wolf. Happy now?" "Whatever you want soldier."

While we were in the city I told him to go to the hairdresser. "Why?" he asked. "Remember when I died your hair?" "Yes I do." "Well your hair grows pretty fast and it hasn't been cut for a while and you look weird... really weird, like your hair's on fire or something." "You want me to go get my hair cut?" "I do." He looked at himself in a window. "Gosh you're right, how could I have missed that?" "Well, you saw yourself in the mirror every day, you didn't notice." "It looks terrible." "It kinda does. So, hairdresser?" "Definitely." We found one nearby and told him it was an emergency. He looked Steve over. He looked horrified by what he saw. Then he put Steve on a chair and asked him what kind of haircut he wanted after he gave him a magazine full of haircuts. While Steve was looking into the magazine he complimented me on my hair. "Is that your real colour?" "It is." "Amazing! It looks wonderful really, with those beautiful green eyes of yours." He winked at me and I could have sworn I saw Steve give him an angry glare. He turned back to Steve, "Have you decided yet?" "Uh, not really no." "You know what I think would look good on you? The same haircut as Captain America." I couldn't stop myself from sniggering. "What's so funny pretty-face?" "Nothing, just... a lot of people say he looks like Captain America." Steve was less amused. "Hmmm, I can't really see the resemblance, except for the shape of the face." I laughed, Steve looked irritated, the hairdresser looked confused.

When we walked out Steve had a new haircut, which made the hairdresser exclaim, "Wow, you really do look like Captain America." Also, he had flirted with me a lot while cutting Steve's hair, and Steve's face was kinda funny whenever he did that. And he gave me kiss on the hand before we left. "What a flirt," Steve said when we were out of hearing distance. "Well he was kinda cute." I wasn't lying, the guy was well built, not as muscular as Steve, and not as tall, a bit more boyish. He had dark hair, black with a little blueish tint in it, and light grey eyes. "Cute?" "Well, he looked cute, also, I like the kind of guy who's easy going, flirts without hesitating." "Oh really?" "Mostly I do." "Why don't you go back and ask him on a date?" He sounded a bit jealous. "Because, there is a chance there is this other guy I like." "Oh, and who might that be?" "Just wait."

We spent the rest of the day visiting all kinds of shops, men's wear, women's wear, shoes, I didn't really want to leave that one, men and women's wear, an old comic shop. We found a pretty strange guy there. A pretty old man with in a green sweater and sunglasses, he said he once worked for Fed-Ex and delivered a package to a guy called Tony Stank. Eventually I dragged Steve into a McDonalds because I was hungry. Later he dragged me into a vintage store, where I bought a pretty nice dress. Steve liked it too.

At the end of the afternoon we found ourselves at a terrace of a little café. "You want me to do what?" He asked. "Go clubbing with me, it's fun." "I don't define drinking and bouncing to the beat of way too loud music as fun." "That's because you've never done it. Come on Rogers." "I don't think it's a very good idea." "You know, normally I tell people to act their age, but right now I don't want you to act your age. I want you to act younger, how about sixty-six years younger? That would make you thirty-two." "Nat." "Oh come on, for me?" I gave him my best "I'm begging you without being to desperate" look. "Okay, that's cute." "I'm not cute!" "Yes you are, and I'm pretty sure you'll also look cute in a dark club," the last part he said a little reluctant. "So you're coming with me?" "I think so." "Good, we'll have to go home and get dressed then." "Now?" "Yeah, now, why?" "Don't you think it's a bit early?" "Well, we have to go to the Avengers base, then we have to get dressed and then we have to go to the nearest good club. That takes time." "That much?" "Not that much, but hey, there'll be a pretty long line, I mean, it's Saturday." "Saturday?" "Yeah, Saturday, the 24th of June." "JUNE?" "Yes, June." "SINCE WHEN?" "Since the first of June." He gave me a sarcastic look, "Not the time for that." "If you say so." "Has it really been that long since I met yo back in the Netherlands?" "Seems like it Soldier," I said with a wink. "A lot has happened, hasn't it." "Yeah, all that stuff with the KGB and Bucky and T'Challa." "I wonder how he's doing." "Who? T'Challa?" "Yeah, he was a pretty nice guy." "I know, I had some conversations with him."

We went home, got ourselves ready and met at the parking lot of the Compound. "That is not very... uh covering," he said with a look on my short dress. "I'm telling you, I'm covering more up than most girls in those clubs." "I don't really know what to think of that." "Good, don't think, have fun." Well, he did listen to me. He seemed to have fun. A lot of fun bouncing to the beat of way too loud music and drinking. There's something hypnotizing about those clubs, being there with so many people, all there to have fun, to dance and to drink. Even Rogers couldn't fight that. The best part is, we had fun together. We went back to the compound at three a.m. Arrived there at five a.m. I was a little drunk, maybe a little more than I want to admit. But Steve didn't seem to mind that very much. Even though he did have to drag me out of the car, and into the compound. By the time we reached the bedrooms he was pretty much carrying me. Okay maybe I wasn't a little bit drunk, but hey, I want to have fun sometimes too. After that I fell asleep pretty quickly.

When I woke up that afternoon I found myself still in Steve's arms on Steve's room. I wondered how I got there, but my headache made pretty clear I had a hangover. Oops, I though. Steve was still asleep, so I took some time to study his face again. He looked very tired. Not even able to relax when he was asleep. He'd been through a lot the last few months. The whole KGB thing which I messed up. The whole thing in Wakanda, where we found Bucky, and where we got captured. Him being tortured by Hydra... me being shipped off to Kiev to another of the KGB headquarters. Funny how they're in the old Soviet countries only. Trying to get me back. The whole love confession thing and me fleeing to Italy. Him being brainwashed. Clint dead. That's enough "exciting" stuff for at least five years if you ask me. But nobody ever seems to listen to me so I didn't think the universe would. He still looked cute while sleeping though. A little bit younger. I watched how the sunrays that peeked through the curtains turned his hair golden. How his eyelashes threw shadows over his cheekbones. He had pretty long eyelashes for a man. A bit unfair actually, but I never really noticed them, since they're as blond as his hair. I mean, I knew he had eyelashes and all, but they just didn't really stand out.

I don't know how long I laid there staring at him, but at some point he woke up, obviously, and looked right at me. "Good morning." "Wrong, guess again." "Good afternoon?" He asked. "Yup." "How are you?" "Headache." "Yeah well, you shouldn't have drunk so much." "I know, it happened anyway, can't change that now, wish I could." He smiled, stood up, I noticed he wasn't wearing anything put his underpants, and he walked to the bathroom to come back with a glass of water and two paracetamols. I sat up and noticed I was only dressed in my underwear to. Not that I cared about that, I mean, I once changed my clothing on the backseat of a car driven by Tony's bodyguard Happy. Who looked in the rear-view mirror when I did that. Okay that kind of did bother me, but that's because I didn't know Happy that well. And let's face it Steve's just way more attractive. I gratefully took the paracetamols and swallowed both of them with a half glass of water. Then I let myself drop on the bed again, not willing to get up. "Nat, shouldn't we go do something, like training?" We weren't exactly on our schedule anymore. "Can't, too comfortable." I sounded like a teenager that didn't want to go to school. He sighed, sat down and eventually laid down next to me. "Yeah, you're right. If they miss us they can find us right here." "And they'll suspect us from having a relationship with each other since we'll probably be asleep when they find us and we're in our underwear." "Do you care about that?" "Nah, they can think whatever they want." "Maybe we should act like it if they ask us," he said with a wink. "Yeah, that'll be fun."

We fell asleep again, only to be woken-up by Wanda at five in the afternoon. "GUYS!" she called. We both shot straight up. "Dinner will be ready in an hour," she said smiling. "You better get dressed." We did as she said, me on my own room, which I hadn't slept in since that one night after I talked with Steve. I did take a shower first though, and I walked to my room in a towel, trying really hard to avoid Steve but failing. He looked at me, blushed, then looked away and suddenly walked a little faster. At the dinner table the others were staring at us. Eventually Tony asked the question that had been going through all of their heads, "So, where were you guys last night?" "A night club in Brooklyn," I told him. "Well, you've been there for a few hours." "It was fun." "What happened after?" He asked smirking. Steve answered this time, "I brought a drunk Natasha to the car, drove her here, dragged her out of the car and pretty much carried her to..." "To your room." "Geez Tony, nothing happened, she fell asleep as soon as I laid her down." "Oh really?" "I did, I was really drunk." He finally seemed to believe us. "So, the club was fun?" "Never thought I'd say this," Steve said, "but yes it was. Why?" "Because it pretty much counts as a first date." "A what now?" "First date, you know what a date is right?" "Tony, it was not a date." "Not officially no." "Not even unofficially." "Sure? Because we all think you guys are kinda... you know, a thing." "And that means?" "They think we're a couple Steve." "They think we're what? That's not what we are." "Sure Rogers?" Tony asked. "Very sure." "But you want it," Tony told him with a smile, "Don't you?" "Tony, we're friends, nothing else." "Okay, if you say so," he said raising his hands as if in defeat, but he didn't sound like he believed it. "You don't sound like you believe it." "Well, she does sleep in your room, doesn't she?" "That's against the nightmares Tony." "Yes, but the fact that you keep each other's nightmares at bay, doesn't that say something about a strong bond between the two of you?" "Tony, we're friends, okay, friends can do that, friends can make you feel better." "Sure," he said rolling his eyes in disbelief. Everyone else at the table sniggered. Steve sighed deeply, which sounded a little irritated. I just shook my head, annoyed as I was by this conversation.

Later in my room, yes, my room, my own room. I thought about the conversation we had had at the dinner table. Why would they think we're a couple? I mean... it might have been clear we had feelings for each other before, and I do have some feelings for him now... I think, but... I mean yeah I sleep in his room sometimes... three nights in a row, but that doesn't mean a thing. We keep each other's nightmares at bay, that too doesn't mean a thing. I mean, Clint could do the same for me. And we were just friends. Close friends yes, but friends. Then what was it that made them think we're a couple? I mean, we didn't do anything special, right? Yeah, we went shopping and clubbing yesterday, but that's also something you can do with friends. Is it really because of what happened before? Could that really be the reason? I sighed, not knowing why I was asking myself all those questions. Why did it bother me that much? Was it that I did know what I felt for Steve but that I was trying to hide it for everyone, even myself? That could be. I really hoped it wasn't.

One week later and I had almost completely forgotten the conversation, it hadn't really bothered me, except for the fact that I didn't sleep with Steve anymore. That did bother me a little, my nightmares about Clint came back, and I even had nightmares about what would have happened if I'd never met Clint. I could see Steve wasn't feeling very well either without me there every night. But, we were getting better. The nightmares became less frequent for both of us. Also, Steve's birthday was coming up. I knew he didn't really wanted to celebrate it, since it remembered him of how old he actually was. Ninety-eight, almost ninety-nine, just a few more days. Three more days, the first, that day, the second and the third of July, then the fourth of July was his birthday. He walked up to me that day, just after our training. "Hey, Nat, wait a sec!" I turned to wait for him. "I wanted to ask you something." "Well, ask away." "Uh, you know Tuesday's my birthday right, fourth of July?" "I do." "Yeah, so uh, I just kind of wanted to be gone that day and so I'm kind off taking two whole weeks off." "Two weeks, where are you going?" "Well actually I was planning to go back to the Netherlands for fun, but I don't want to go alone, so I just wanted to ask if you'd like to come along?" "Me?" "Yeah, you." "Uh, I... I'd really like to, but why not Sam or Bucky." "Well, travelling with Bucky isn't very safe, and Sam... well he'd just ignore whatever I say and try to celebrate my birthday anyway." "That does sound like something he'd do." "So, that's why I'm asking you. Also, the last time with you there was fun, it was short yes, but fun." "Oh well, it was too short to have fun actually." "But, you want to go back? With me?" "That does sound like fun. If we don't tell anyone of course. They don't have to know where gone, they'll notice eventually, I know, but I just don't want them to know we're gone together, if you know what I mean." "I know what you mean."

And so the next day we left for the Netherlands, we departed at around four in the morning, way too early for me. And arrived around... somewhere in the afternoon. I didn't really watch the time, I was just wondering about the name of the airport. I mean, Schiphol? Who came up with that? I mean, schip is Dutch for ship and hol is like... a den, like a rabbit hole or something so... literally, what the heck is wrong with those people. No miracle the world views them as stoners, I mean, you have to be stoned to come up with something like that. Of course it helps that weed is pretty much legal there. Well, it's a strange country. Sometimes I wonder why they're not completely flooded with water. I mean, they are under sea level. They also got something with cheese, and the colour orange. But, the people can be nice and friendly.

So we landed on Schiphol, got our bags and went to the same hotel as we stayed in last time we were in the Netherlands. Of course we stayed in a different room, since we stayed in a two-person room this time. That was a bit uncomfortable, for Steve at least, since we had to share a bed and all. I don't think he's used to sharing a bed with a woman.... Not at all.

So the first night was a little awkward with Steve changing clothes in the bathroom. Which I thought was a pity. And the next morning, the third, was just as awkward. I told him he could just easily change his clothes in front of me, he said he'd rather not do that, afraid I'd stare. "It's not like I wouldn't so it with you around Rogers." "I know, I heard you once changed clothes in a car with Tony's bodyguard driving." "Oh, yeah, Happy Hogan... that happened." "Why?" "Yeah well I didn't really have the time to do it anywhere else." "You did it to spare time?" "Well, we were after Ivan Venko... We had no time to lose." "And you were late anyway." "Not my fault that guy had a flying suit." "True, that's pretty much Tony's fault." "He sure knows how to make enemies." "He's not very good at making friends though, hey, maybe that is why Tony and you hate each other so much, you guys have some similarities." "There is no way in which I look like Stark." "Bad at making friends, kinda good at making enemies, protective over your friends. Both underestimated, like parties." "I-." "Don't even try to deny it, I know you do." "I don't see any other similarities." "Yeah, that's pretty much it to be honest. Except the fact that you think it's scary when you agree on something." "Well that is scary, or crazy at the least." He sighed.

"So Rogers, you planned this whole trip, what you wanna do?" "I never really thought of that actually." "Really?" "Yup." "Well, I vote for going to the beach or something like that." "In Amsterdam?" "The Netherlands is bigger than just Amsterdam Rogers." "The Netherlands is? Don't you mean the Netherlands are...? Or is it the Netherlands is? It's just one country." "The stuff you wonder about from time to time..." "What?" "Does it really matter?" "Uh, I suppose the right answer to that question is no." "Indeed, good Golden-Retriever. So, beach." "Uh... Scheveningen, the beach with the big pier, for Dutch standards." "Yeah sure, why not, might as well do a little sight-seeing while we're here.

The biggest part of that day we spent at Scheveningen, on the beach and at the pier. We swam in the North-Sea and Steve dived for shells. While doing that he got hurt by a crab and I laughed about it. So he pushed me under water and I got a mouth full of salty water. Not very pleasing. As revenge I gave him a beautiful wig made of seaweed. At the end of the day we went back to the hotel. Tired as we were from the swimming we fell asleep immediately.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day was the fourth of July, a.k.a. Steven Grant Rogers's birthday. "Good morning Rogers!" "Huh?" "I know you don't want me to say this but-." "Don't." "Happy birthday." He sighed, "I said 'Don't." "And I ignored that. So, yesterday we did what I wanted to do, today we'll do what you want to do." "I have no idea, unless for the fact that I'm taking you out for dinner tonight." "Taking me out for dinner? Steve, are you taking me on a date?" "Maybe kind of." "Maybe kind of?" "Oh shush." "You're going red." "Can you stop?" "No, it looks cute." He went even redder. "Awww." He looked down kinda awkward and mumbled something about watching a movie. "Sure," I said and I turned on the television. "So, what movie you want to watch today Soldier?" "Can you please just call me Steve for one day?" I rolled my eyes, smiling and sighed, "Fine. Steve, what movie do you want to watch?" "How about that popular stuff about a ring I once heard of?" "Lord of the Rings?" "Yes, that." "Then we should start with the Hobbit actually, if you'd want to make a marathon out of it." "Yeah, that sounds like fun, move marathon." "You do know there are six movies, right?" "Six?" "Yes, six." "Well, we better get started then, and if we don't finish before our dinner we'll just continue to watch after." "Sounds right to me."

So we watched the first four movies, we started quite early, then, around eight o'clock Steve took me to a restaurant, all fancy dressed and stuff. We ate, we talked, we laughed, we drank, wine, and by the time we came back at the hotel we didn't really think about the movies anymore. We thought more about... other stuff. By the time we reached the hotel room we were pretty much glued to each other.

The next morning, I woke up to our clothes spread across the floor of the hotel room and Steve laying next to me barely covered by the bedsheets. I rolled over on my belly and stroked his cheekbone with my fingers. I thought about last night, which brought a smile to my lips. I won't bore you with the details. Furthermore, I just waited there for Steve to wake up, which he eventually did. "Good morning," he said with a smile. "Hey," I replied. He took my hand and kissed it, "Enjoyed last night." "Which part of it?" "Hmmm, the last part." "Yeah, I did. Never expected anything like that from you." "Oh really?" "Yeah, being the old-school ninety-nine-year-old man you are." "Oh well, it's the twenty-first century know, I might as well act like I belong to it." "I like your way of thinking." "Oh do you now?" "Sure do. How about we finish that movie marathon we started yesterday?" "How about we finish something else?" "Oh, you weren't done before we fell asleep?" "Absolutely not." "Well, if you insist." He smiled, then he pushed me, back down, flat on the mattress and then... uh yeah, let's just skip that, for the underage kids who might read this once.

After all that happened we returned to the Middle-Earth marathon. Steve really liked it. "I have to admit, the twenty-first century is better than I expected." "Why? Because of the CGI effects?" "No, because coloured television and the amazing movie make-up." I sighed, "Oh Steve" "Hmmm, you sound sexy when you sigh." "Oh shush, so, any other reasons why the twenty-first century is great?" "Hmmm, good food, good healthcare in most countries, the music is okay." "that sounds more like it yes." "Good women." "Oh really? Got an example?" "Uh yeah, she's red-headed and she's sitting next to me." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "Soooo... what's gonna happen when we get home now huh?" "I really don't know." "Why not?" "Well, it depends on some things." "Like?" "Well... what you feel for me for example." "Huh... and how about what you feel for me?" "Well, I'm quite sure about that." "And that is?" "More than I felt for Sharon." "Which means?" "I love you Nat." Those words made me shiver. "Do you love me too?" "I do," I said. Then we kissed, long and deep.

The next few days passed in a blur, we explored the country a bid. Went to the beach a few more times, and even had some more "fun nights". But of course we had to go home eventually. We didn't really want to, because, the Netherlands can be quite fun once you get used to it. The cheese is really great, and not as much drugs as I expected. We had visited several Dutch cities, Rotterdam, Utrecht, where there was some Harry Potter thing going on, some kind of exhibition, Den-Haag, Den-Bosch, Eindhoven and Arnhem. It was great to spend some weeks with Steve alone. But, like I already said, we had to go back. So, two weeks later we departed for America once again.

We departed waaaaaaay too early in the morning for me, so I was pretty annoyed by almost everything. Which really seemed to amuse Steve. "Why are you so happy?" I asked him. "To be honest, you're kinda cute when you're cranky." "How many times do I have to tell you I'm NOT cute?!" "Not so loud please, it's pretty early in the morning." "I know!" "So please, speak a little softer," he whispered. "Whatever you like Mr. Hey let's book the earliest flight of the whole friggin day. It's three a.m. Rogers." "Sorry, I just thought it'd be less suspicious if we arrived somewhere late in the afternoon." "Yeah, like us being gone for like, two and a half weeks, isn't suspicious enough," I said sarcastically. "Nah, they won't think anything about that." "They will, I know." "Then why such an early flight?" "Because... I just want to go home okay? I mean, our time here was great, but, home's still home." "Hmmm, yeah whatever." "No good reason?" "Well, I never really had a home, so I can't relate... just get on the damn plane." We did, and with that we left the Netherlands behind.

The plane flight seemed longer than it was when we travelled to the Netherlands. Also, Steve had the well-known chair-kicking-kid seated behind him. This bothered him a lot. I thought it was karma for making me get up so early. Mean of me to think that, I know.

The worst part of going back was when we arrived at the compound and everybody just sat there waiting for us looking angry. "Where the HELL have you been?" Tony asked. "You guys missed the party!" "What party?" Wanda asked. "The party we couldn't throw because Steve wasn't there." "Oh, that one. The one Steve tried to avoid." "Tried to avoid?" "Yeah, he didn't want a party, doesn't really want to be remembered of his past you know?" "How do you know that?" "I can look inside people's heads..." "Oh, right. Still, the two of them sneaking off together without telling is not good." "I do agree on that." "So," Tony turned back to us, "Where were you?" "The Netherlands," Steve answered honestly. "Why? It's rainy and all." "It's not that bad," I said, "Besides, rain can be fun, staying inside, watching a movie, reading a book, spending your time in other ways." "So, the Netherlands...?" "Yes." "You weren't in any form of danger?" "No, why?" I asked him. "Well, we... we thought you might be and... we just don't want to lose another friend. And the two of you are pretty good at getting into trouble together." "We're not that good at getting into trouble together." "Well," Bucky brought in, "how about that time Hydra shot a bogey at you? And you guys crashing on a bridge." "Yes, that happened... But Sam was there when we crashed, also, that crash was caused by you." "I was brainwashed." "I know." "Wait, you crashed a car into a bridge?" Tony asked. "Kinda," Steve said. He shouldn't have done that. "I crashed my car into the bridge. I DON'T CARE! I LOVE IT! I DON'T CARE!" Tony sang. "My ears just died," I said in a teasing tone. "You're welcome miss." "Huh?" Tony rolled his eyes.

"So, what did you guys do in the Netherlands?" Bucky asked us half an hour later. "Not much," Steve answered. "Watched some movies, went to the beach a few times." "Had some dates," Wanda brought in." "Did you read my mind?" Steve asked. "Nah, your mind is boring, I read Nat's mind." "What else did you find?" I asked, a little suspicious. "Enough..." "What do you mean with that?" Wanda made a kissing noise, then walked away. Bucky stared after her, "Well, that suggest some things." "Don't mind her, she's weird," Steve said. "What happened?" Bucky asked. "Nothing special," Steve answered. "Nat, what happened?" "Really, nothing special." Wanda walked back in. "You're guessing right Bucky." Wanda walked out. "Wait, you guys... made out?" "Yeah, kinda," I said. "Kinda?" Wanda said walking back in again. "Just, three or four times." "Can you stop reading my mind?" "No, it's fun to tease you." "So, you guys are a thing now?" Bucky asked. "I... I think so," Steve said. "They confessed their love for each other," "Wanda said. "I thought I told you to stop reading my mind." "Got it from Steve's mind this time." "You annoying little witch," Steve said. "Well, I'm Scarlet Witch anyway. Also, you two being a thing is something we've waited for since... what month was it again?" "May or something like that, maybe April," Bucky said." "Right, so, we're all okay with that." "It's not like you guys not being okay with it would have stopped us," I said. "We wouldn't even have considered it," Steve said. "Good, Bucky replied, "Because she's waaaaaaay better for you than Sharon. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better." "I think that's overstating things." "Hmmm, maybe a bit." "You do look better together," Wanda brought in. "Uh, thanks I suppose," we both said. "You're welcome, also, you do know Jarvis recorded all of this right?" "WHAT?" Steve yelled, "Jarvis... recorded... all of this?" "Yes, he has surveillance cameras in the cafeteria." "So, Tony will be able to see and hear this whole conversation?" Steve's phone buzzed in answer. He got a message from Tony. "Yes, yes I am" It said. "So long the secret of me and Nat being a thing." "I'm gonna tell the rest." "Tony, no!" "Tony yes!" And so Tony did.

It's not like we wanted to keep it a secret, but we would have wanted to tell it ourselves. Now they knew... well pretty much everything. At least, everything that was mentioned in the whole recorded conversation. That was a little awkward, especially for Steve, since they were all like: "I thought you were such an old-school guy." Good thing Steve has a thick skin, because the teasing went a little far sometimes. How about me? Oh well, they were used to this kind of behaviour from me. I mean, part of my job... mostly. So yeah, they left me alone.

A week after we got back there was news on T'Challa again. He was doing much better and they were going to let us in with him to see if he'd recognize us. They tried Tony first, since well... Tony had his suit close at hand and all. It worked out pretty well. With that I mean, he didn't attack Tony. They did have a small conversation instead. Tony told him what had happened. And, it turned out, T'Challa had been brainwashed since before the moment he called Steve up when we were in the Netherlands months ago. So we finally figured out why Hydra and the KGB knew we were fooling them, they set it up themselves. They probably didn't expect us to kill the KGB leader, but hey, small sacrifice to the KGB, they'd have another leader in no time. They'd have a new one a day after Anastasia died. Because that's how the KGB works, they don't care. My only question was, Why? Why would they lure us into that? Or actually, Why would they lure Steve into that? Why only Steve? Why didn't they set a trap for the other Avengers too?

The answer to that question was provided by T'Challa the next day when they let Steve in to talk to him. He first apologized, and Steve told him there was nothing to apologize for. Then he told Steve what Hydra's plan was with him. They wanted to use him to lure us, the other Avengers, into some secret base. They wanted to brainwash him and let us fight against him, Bucky and T'Challa, knowing that some of us would do whatever it took not to kill Steve. And of course they wanted to capture us too, brainwash us and send us out into the world to what Bucky had done for fifty years, wreak havoc. All of this to make the people give up their freedom. Because freedom is humanity's greatest lie and all that... Really I don't get why some people hate being free, hate having to make their own choices. It's like hating equality or something, it just... not of this age.

After he talked to Steve they decided it was safe to let T'Challa go. That was useful, for he stayed with us and gave us a map of Hydra bases spread throughout the world. He also marked the KGB bases in Kiev and Moscow. "This is all I know," he told us. "It's enough for now," Steve said, "Thank you." "You're welcome." Not long after that T'Challa left to restore the order in Wakanda.

"What do you think we should do with this?" Steve asked me. "We could hunt them down like we always did, but I don't think that's the right thing to do. They're with too many." He nodded, "Hydra is strong, but so are we." "But we're not strong enough, especially not since they have an allegiance with the KGB." "We could hack their systems," Tony said as he walked in. "Sorry, I just happened to overhear your conversation." "Yeah, that just happened," I said rolling my eyes. "So, what do you think of it? Hacking their systems? We could see what their plans are, where they want to strike." "it sounds like a good idea, but what if they find out and start to talk in some kind of code?" Steve asked. "Really? You think that would be a problem? Jarvis, would that be a problem." "Your bragging tone tells me it wouldn't sir." "Jarvis..." "Just telling it the way it is sir." "So, should we do it or not?" "If you think you can." "Oh I'm sure I can, but I will need some help." "Know anyone who can help you?" "Well, I do think Natasha might be able to help." "Yeah, sure," I said. "That'll be fun." "When will you guys start?" "Tomorrow morning will do fine," Tony said, "I have other stuff to do now." "That's good enough." "See you tomorrow morning Stark."

"So, kinda creepy isn't it? What Hydra wanted to do to us." Steve nodded, "It's creepy yes." "Good thing I went with you, isn't it?" He sighed, "Yeah, good thing you did." "I told you I should come." "You want me to say you were right?" "Would be satisfying, but you don't have to do it if you don't want to." "You got a bit of an ego you know?" "Didn't you already tell me that before?" "Might be, lucky for you that you're so charming." I raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?" "Yeah, really." "And why is that?" "Because otherwise that ego would have bugged me." "Oh well, it's not as bad as Stark's." "That's true." We walked through the halls until we reached my room. "Good night Natasha," he said. "Sure you want to say that already?" He smiled, "I do think so, I'm tired." I faked a disappointed sigh. "That was fake." "Noooooo..." "Yes it was." "Would you give me a kiss if I admit it was fake?" "You can try that." "In that case, it was fake." He rolled his eyes smiling, then leaned in on me, softly pressed me against the door and kissed me. I kissed back, and we stood there like that for a few minutes, until Jarvis stated that we needed to remember to breathe. After that we heard Wanda laugh down the hall. Steve opened my door for me, "Good night," he whispered. I gave him another quick kiss, before I whispered "Good night," back.

I have to admit, I did miss him a little during the nights. I mean, yes, of course I saw him during the day, but there was hardly any time for a bit of romance. Hardly any time to be close, to just be together. Of course it would get a little quiter eventually, since it was pretty busy here now, but that didn't make it any less annoying or irritating. When you love someone you just want to spend some time alone with that person, as much as you can.

The next three days I spend with Tony, hacking both Hydra and the KGB. It was kinda fun actually, to put it to good use. It was pretty interesting too, because, suddenly, we had access to all their archives. Which included mine of course. "Can we delete this?" I asked Tony. "Why?" "Oh... just... because." "Because it's yours? No, I think they'll find out, and that'll lead them to the fact that we hacked them." "Hmmm, yeah okay." "You can read it though... if you like to." "Why would I? It's not like I'd learn anything from it." "Oh well, you never know." "Yeah, sure." "I already printed it out for you." "You what?" "Yeah, last night I had a small breach in their systems and I managed to print it..." "Without asking my permission?" "Uh... sorry.. I think. Just read it, you might learn something from it." "I really doubt it." "Just read it." "Okay." He handed me a small stack of papers, bound by a paperclip. "Here ya go." I took it from him. "Well... thanks I suppose." "Don't mention it, just go read it." And so I left Tony, walked to my room and started to read.

I thought nothing in the file would surprise me, but boy I was wrong. First of all, they knew my birthplace, not that it was something new to me, I was told, not so very long ago that I was born in , but still, it surprised me that they knew. Also... they knew who my parents were... one of the KGB agents... he... he played poker with my father... but only after he heard, via via, that my that my dad had a daughter. The agent... he made sure my dad owed him a great dept by cheating. And so he eventually gave my dad a choice, dying or paying the dept. But of course he didn't have a choice, not really. Of course he was killed... Then they started to bother my mom... they... they killed her too of course. The people of the "orphanage" they were in the plot too... Under it stood two little words that filled my hearth with both sadness and anger. Standard procedure.

I dropped the file. Standard procedure? Is... is this how the KGB gets all those orphaned children? By killing the parents themselves? I gave the file a kick and it flew against the wall on the other side of my room. How dare they? I never really thought a lot about my parents, tried to find them once, only found two graves. That was all... I left some flowers there... But... I never knew what happened to them. I was too young at the time. But now... now I know. And the fact that this is their standard procedure made me so angry that I started to swear. Not in English, but in Russian, so nobody could understand the terrible things I called them. But they did hear me though, and it didn't take long for Steve to come in and ask me what was wrong. Must have looked kinda weird, a women screaming at a bunch of papers. "Nat... are you okay?" "No." "What's wrong?" I pointed at the file. He picked it up and read the first few pages that described what they did to my parents. His eyes went wide... "They... they've had you on target for quite a while it seems..." "From the moment they heard my dad had a daughter... which is when I was around... a year or so..." "And still it took them four more years to act..." "Yeah, like that matters, they killed my parents! Those filthy little..." "Cockroaches?" "For lack of anything worse I can come up with at the moment I agree on that. You read the last two words?" "Standard procedure... Yes, I did." "They're monsters Steve." "That they are for sure... killing the parents of the children they want to recruit... and they choose children at random..." "They do... I mean, if they picked children of... you know.. professional wrestlers or something like that... that would at least give it some kind of pattern..." "It would explain why they pick those children you mean?" "Yes... that..." "They'd still be monsters though." "They would, but I don't think there is a way to change that..." "No, I don't think so either." "You know, I wish I could go back in time to kill whoever it was that founded the KGB." "You know, that would make you an entirely different person than you are today." "I know." "You wouldn't know us... we wouldn't know you." I sighed, "Yeah... I wouldn't want that." He walked over to me, took me by my arm, sat down on my bed, pulled me down next to him and pulled me in a hug. "I hate them." "I know."

Then, all of a sudden, Tony was standing in the door post. "You read it?" He asked. I nodded. "The first pages?" "Yes... You did too didn't you?" "I... I might have done that yes... I might have read the whole thing out of curiosity." "Really Stark?" "I'm sorry... I... I never knew you were an orphan." "Well... Believe me, neither did I before... a few years back..." "Neither did I know you were... sterilized..." "That I did know." "And you really had to... you know... kill a lot of children, gosh how could people think of training methods like that? It's cruel, make children of the age of eleven kill each other?" "Aged eleven till eighteen... Eliminations every month... new kids joining the groups every month too..." "The things you were forced to do..." "It's terrible, I know, but I try not to think too much about it. Gives me nightmares, don't really like that." "I understand... Sorry for reading your file without permission." I sighed, "It's fine." "In that case... I'll leave the two of you alone now." And so he did.

"Can... can I read it? Steve asked me. "I don't know, can you?" He rolled his eyes, "I mean, would it be okay with you if I read it?" "I know." I thought for a while. "Well, we're kind of in a relationship, so, yeah, you're allowed to read it." "Thanks." "You're welcome I suppose." "No really, this means a lot to me." "Why?" "It means you trust me. And I know how hard it is for you to trust someone. And I know how much trust means to you." I'll admit, that touched me. "Oh well, it's nothing really. I mean... I... I love you and..." I sighed, "Yeah, it means a lot." "I know, well, guess I'll go then. I got something to read." He kissed me on my nose, then stood up, picked up the file and left.

Well, that was one more thing to worry about, the KGB method of recruiting young girls. And the worst was, there was nothing I could do about it, at least not alone. Of course I wouldn't even try to do anything on my own. There might have been a time when I would have tried that, but that time was over. I could've asked the Avengers to join me, to help me, but they'd have known, just as I knew, that we couldn't stop them. There would always be somebody left alive to continue, they were, just like Hydra was, with too many. And I really hated them for it.

That night I had nightmares, not uncommon to me, but they were a little different from the usual ones. I was standing in front of my parents graves, staring down at them. I heard someone approach behind me. It was Vlad, the leader of the KGB in my days. An ugly man, scruffy mouse-grey hair with some strands of black in it. Dirty grey-brownish eyes, like molten snow, a scar over his hooked nose and his mouth. Another one through his left bushy eyebrow. "Well well Natalia," he said in a thick Russian accent, "Long time no see." "Not long enough if you ask me." "That's not very nice." "Have I ever been nice to you?" "No, you always despised me, that's what I liked so much about you." "Oh really?" "Of course I hated it at first, I hated you at first, but that's because we were so similar. Both strong, good fighters, determined and ambitious. Both willing to do whatever it takes to save our own skin." "No." "Oh yes, yes we are alike. We both hate the world for what it did to us, from what it took from us. We both want revenge on the people who made us who we are, and we both can't take revenge..." "I'm not like you." "Oh, oh yes you are, I saw it... I saw it everyday. You know, there were times when I regretted killing your parents... but, when I saw how much we were alike I though... She'll do fine, she's my best student." "You killed my parents?" "Oh, yes... I did. You were home when I killed your mother... you just... you just don't really remember it. You were so young... You saw the whole thing... I was the man who called the "orphanage"."

Suddenly the scene shifted, I was a little girl, in a house I barely remembered, I saw a man, a younger version of Vlad. I saw a woman who looked a lot like me, her hair a bit darker, her eyes blueish-grey. I saw how Vlad shot her and I screamed. In my head it sounded like a little girl... But I knew that I didn't just scream in my head, for Steve came to my room. He almost shouted my name, shaking me, trying to wake me up. Which, eventually, I did.

"Nat, are you okay?" I wanted to say no, but when I opened my mouth I could only sob. He pulled me in his arms. "Sssshhh, it's alright, you're safe... It was just a dream Nat, just a dream." "I know," I said with a small voice... but... that doesn't make it any less real." "What... what do you mean?" "It... it was Vlad, the man who killed my parents." "Vlad? Who's Vlad?" "He... he was the leader of the KGB in my days... he... he killed my parents." "How do you know?" "He... he just..." I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down, "He just told me." "He told you?" "In my... nightmare, he told me." "But Nat, that's just a dream." "No... After... after he told me I... I saw it... how he killed my mother." "You saw how he killed your mother?" "Yes... I was there. As a young girl, I was just... too young to remember." "Weird... You'd think you'd remember that." I nodded... "Maybe that, even as a little girl, I already tried to forget the cruel things those people are capable of." "A little farfetched, but not impossible." We sat there for at least fifteen minutes, his strong arms trying to comfort me, and succeeding at that. "You want me to stay here the rest of the night?" "That'd be nice yes." "Then I'll stay." "Thank you."

With Steve next to me I felt a lot better, no nightmares, or at least not as bad as the one in which I saw my mother die. I felt safe with Steve around, and knowing that he was there I wasn't afraid to go back to sleep after another nightmare. They slightly transformed into normal dreams, and I didn't wake up anymore after four.

The next morning Steve woke me up at ten, with breakfast on bed, "You feeling a bit better?" "Uh, yeah, I'm feeling better." He smiled, "Good. I uh, I made you breakfast." "I see, thank you, that's nice of you." "Also, it's breakfast for two, so I think I'll help you with it." "Feel free to do that." "Well uh... thank you." "Just sit down and eat that breakfast, we can talk later." "You hungry?" "A little." "Well then, dig in." Of course, I did as I was told.

That morning we started our training schedule again, after neglecting it for quite a while. It felt good to be training again, pushing my body to it's limits, not thinking about last night, or any of the other bad things that had happened lately. I finally felt a bit more like myself and I was happy with that. At the end of the day I was exhausted, but I felt good. Really good, for the first time in weeks. "You're smiling," Steve told me. "Am I?" "Yes, yes you are... I missed it. Your smile, your true smile." And I kept smiling the rest of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been three days since we hacked Hydra when Tony came to look for us during our training. "Hydra's going to attack," he told us. "Where?" Steve asked. "Brussels." "Why Brussels?" "The European Parliament, that's why." "That's bad." "Sure is. We should go." "We should yes." "Do we have the numbers?" I asked. "We have the three of us, Bucky, Thor and Wanda. We have Sam and Rhodey. We have Vision... somewhere..." "We could ask Scott for help." Steve said. "Scott?" "The "Little guy" Ant-Man he calls himself." "Oh, you mean that guy who shrinks." "Yes, that one." "I don't think he wants to help," Tony said, "The way he talked to me when he was in that cell makes me think he hates me." "Great," I said sarcastically. "We could ask T'Challa." "He's too busy restoring Wakanda." "That's true..." "We do really need more people." "If only Spider-Man was older, I would have asked him, but this is too dangerous for him," Tony said. "Maybe we can do it with the numbers we have now, Vision and Wanda are powerful, especially Wanda," I said. "That's true, but still... it's a risk. Also, it was you who asked about our numbers." "I know, and they don't entirely satisfy me, but everything we did was a risk Tony. New-York, Sokovia, this will be no different." He nodded, "That's true." "When will they attack?" Steve asked." "In two days." "Well, time to go then, don't you think?" "Sure is." Steve stod there for a while, looking a bit awkward. "We know you want to say it Steve, so just do it," I told him. He smiled at me, then he said, "Avengers assemble!"

The next day we set off towards Brussels, meaning, Tony took us there in his jet. Pretty luxurious, that yet of his, fun experience too. Of course there was a lot of loud music, and we all had some drinks, but not too much, except maybe for Tony, that guy could be drunk and he'd still be the smartest around. And that says a lot, because I'm quite smart as well. He'd still be an idiot though. So, anyway, the next morning we woke up in Tony's yet, suited up and flew a smaller jet to the European Parliament to wait for Hydra.

The waiting took long, so after a while we started to play some stupid games. Like somebody saying a word and the other person had to say the first word that came to mind... Yeah, still a bit childish. Then we played I see I see what you can't see. But Wanda cheated, so that didn't last for too long either. Tony amused himself by throwing little rocks in the air and blasting them apart. Sam was patrolling the building via Redwing, or that thing, as I like to call it. Seriously, why would you give a drone a name? Really, Sam's a bit weird sometimes, so are all the guys really, but the others never asked me to pet that drone. "Did the thing spot something yet?" "His name is Redwing." "It's still a thing." "You're hurting his feelings." "Sam, drones don't have feelings." "That's what you say," he replied jokingly. I sighed, "Fine, did Redwing spot anything yet?" "Nope, except for Jane Foster and her intern." "What? Did you just say your robot companion has spotted Jane?" Thor asked. "Yeah, it did." "But, this is dangerous terrain." "It is." "I got to tell her." "Yeah, you should." And so he did, and to keep her safe he took her up on the roof. Same goes for the intern. "This is not the safest place for them Thor," I told him. "You give me a better option." "Away from here!" "We never know when Hydra might attack, I should stay here on all costs." I sighed, I knew there was no arguing with Thor, he's stubborn.

So, we still waited, but now with some more "companions" as Thor put it. Jane was pretty much flirting with Thor and her intern looked a little torn between standing there and looking slightly awkward or trying to start a conversation. Eventually she chose the latter and started to talk with Wanda. I decided to walk over to the two of them, in need for some women around me. I found out the interns name was Darcy and that she studied political science. She was kinda funny, and a little bit weird, but over all she had a nice personality. I also learned she was the one that hacked S.H.I.E.L.D. during all the stuff that happened in New-York. "You got us in some trouble with that," I told her. "Oh, us, sorry for that, didn't mean to get any of you in trouble, I was just curious about what was going on." "I understand that, and so you just casually hacked S.H.I.E.L.D.?" "Well, not casually, but, yeah, that's pretty much what happened." "I'm impressed, don't know many people who could do that." "Oh well, you learn some things." "Well, I could ask you not to do it again, but of course, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s disbanded now. I could ask you not to hack the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. though." "Believe me, I'm not planning to, I mean it would be awesome, but no. I'd get in too much trouble for that." "And you didn't get into much trouble for hacking S.H.I.E.L.D.?" "Of course I did, kinda... They did give me their phone number though, but when I needed them they didn't call me back." "Those bastards." "Uhu."

We had been waiting for four hours till Sam finally said, "Redwing spotted something!" Turned out this "something" was an ice-cream van full of Hydra agents. "Wait, they're in an ice-cream van?" Darcy asked. "That's a new one," I said lightly amused. "Bad guys in an ice-cream van," Darcy said, and I couls see she was trying hard not to laugh. "What colour is it?" Wanda asked. "Pink," Sam said seriously. Then we heard the ice-cream van, it made that exact same sound you hear in cartoons and, despite the serious situation, Darcy, Wanda and I started to laugh. "This is just ridiculous," Tony stated. "At least we can get ice-cream after," I said. "Hmm, that's true. Okay, let's take down the bastards, then get ourselves some ice-cream." "Let's go," Steve said. "Shouldn't we make a plan of attack?" "Nah, we're doing it Tony's way today." "Thank you, Captain," Tony said. "All right then, reckless, but at least we have the element of surprise." "Nat, do we ever really keep ourselves to the plan?" I needed to think on that one for a sec, "Uh, not really actually." "Then we could as well not have a plan at all." "Just get your iron ass over there already," I said, slightly irritated. Thor laughed because of my comment as we left the roof, don't ask me how, had something to do with "the thing", to go after our little Hydra friends.

They entered the building to "deliver boxes of ice-cream". The guards were stupid enough to fall for it, or they were no real guards, but Hydra's own men. Either of those would do, but the latter seemed more logical. I wondered what was really in the boxes when we followed them in through a window. It all went a little too easy if you ask me. There should have been more people on the lookout. "Well, that was easy," Tony said, as if he read my thoughts. "Too easy," I replied. He nodded, "Too easy." We set off to the entry hall, encountering no guards nor people from the parliament. "You think there'd be some kind of alarm going off by now," Steve said. "Probably turned off by some Hydra spy," Bucky pointed out. "That sounds obvious to me," Wanda replied. "So, what now?" "We stop them of course," Stark replied. "No shit Sherlock," Wanda told him. "What?" "Nothing, just, just go attack." Stark took his suit off first to stay low-profile. Yeah, as if Tony Stark can stay low-profile, it's not like the whole world knows who he is. Anyway, it made him stand out less. We the others of us went to the bathrooms to change our clothing, which made me wonder why we want there in our suits in the first place. We hid our weapons in our clothing, something I'm quite good at.

After the whole changing clothes stuff the Hydra-agents just entered the entry hall. At least there were some real guards in the building, but they probably didn't find the weapons I was sure the Hydra agents where hiding somewhere, maybe even in those ice-cream boxes. Cautiously we approached the Hydra-agents with their ice-cram boxes, surrounded them without being noticed. Then one of them noticed Tony's face in the crowds. "It's Stark," I heard him whisper to the man walking next to him. "Just keep walking, he can't know about our plans." "He hacked us not so long ago." "And we got him out again, and that's before the plans were made." "Maybe he got in again, without us noticing this time." "Don't be silly." "You're the one being silly," I said from behind. "Stark is smart enough to hack you without being noticed." They turned around to face me, "What do you know of that, woman?" The second one, a buffed man with short brown hair and dark brown eyes asked me. "More than you, that's for sure." "Oh really?" He doubted me. "Yes, oh sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Natasha Romanoff." "It's the Black Widow!" "Oh, how great, you know me," I said showing a smile. They pulled their guns, out of the ice-cream boxes like I expected. "That's not very friendly." "We're not friendly." "Tell me about it," I pulled a gun myself and suddenly I was surrounded by Hydra agents.

They all smiled at me, thinking they outnumbered me, "Drop your weapon." "I don't really fancy that." "You're outnumbered, drop your weapon!" The shouting drew the attention of the surrounding people, who started to scream when they caught sight of the guns. "Oh, you think so? Look around you." "What do you mean." "What she means is," Thor said, "Is that she's not alone." "Neither is she outnumbered," Wanda added. It was true, the Hydra agents were just with six, we were with nine. Vision came rising up through the floor. "And we are stronger for certain," he added. "Vision... can you please stop with that stuff?" Wanda asked him. "What stuff?" "Going through walls and floors and all that, how did you even get there?" "Guys, can we discuss that later?" Steve brought in, "We have some Hydra-agents to arrest." "Don't think we'll come willingly, the buffed guy said." "Yeah, we never really thought that," I assured them. "But, we do have the Scarlet Witch, who could stop you, all of you, so, you could try something and we could fight you, but we don't really feel like staying here for long." "No, but we do feel like robbing your ice-cream van after," Tony said, "If of course there is real ice-cream inside it." "So, you better just drop your weapons," Wanda said, "and surrender, unless you want to try to struggle against my powers." They looked a little shocked when she said that. "You traitor! It was us who created you." "Yes, and then I learned that you are the wrong side and I chose to go my own way. About choosing ways, wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?" At the time they were surrounded by our full forces, of nine, and the saw they were outnumbered, by three. But they knew the couldn't fight Wanda, so they dropped their weapons. "Don't think this is the end of it," the buffed guy, who was clearly the leader, told us. "Can you stop being so obvious?" I asked him. He scowled at me. And so we arrested them and handed them over to the cops who had arrived and insisted we did so.

After that we went to get our bags with clothes, after which we went outside to search the ice-cream van for ice-cream. We found vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. So we ate some ice-cream, then went back to the roof with some more ice-cream for Jane and Darcy, then took the little jet to fly to Tony's big jet. We even took Jane and Darcy with is, which was quite fun.

When we arrived at Tony's jet, Tony told us we should celebrate stopping a Hydra-attack. "You just want a party, don't you?" Rhodey said. "Sure do," Tony replied smiling. "And it's a beautiful summers day, so why not? We deserve some fun." "Fine, but you're NOT getting drunk." "Yeah, yeah whatever," Tony said, turning the music on. And so of course he did get drunk, matter of fact, so did Thor.

So the next morning we woke up still on the plane, but this time on an American airport. Tony and Thor both had a hangover. Darcy seemed to find that pretty amusing. "We should go to the compound," Steve said after breakfast. "We still have some of our cars here," Sam said. "I'm driving," I said. "Nat..." "What?" "Are you going to keep yourself to the speed limit?" "Uh... depends on the speed limit." "Nat..." "Usually it's just a little too slow for me." "Nat." "Fine, I'll keep myself to the speed limit." "I'll go with Nat," Wanda said. "I wanna go too," Darcy joined in. "Seems like I'll be having a lot of female company," Steve said, "I like that." "No, bad Steve," I told him. "I'm teasing Nat." "You're allowed in my car, but you're only allowed to flirt with me." "While you're driving?" "Multitasking Steve, you should try it."

The ride to the compound was fun, we sang along to the radio, or Darcy, Wanda and I did. Steve just sat there next to me not knowing the lyrics to most of the songs. He did move his feet to the beat though. We arrived at the compound after like half an hour, only because I kept myself to the speed limit. Darcy seemed amazed by how big and modern it looked. "This place looks awesome," she said. "Oh well, it's designed by Stark, what else did you expect?" "Something that looked a little more like Stark tower." "Yeah, good thing it doesn't look like that," Steve said, "Never really liked that building." "It's as high-tech as Stark tower though." "Cool!" Darcy said. And so we arrived "home" after another mission, with an excited intern at our heels.

Both Jane and Darcy stayed at the compound for a while, which was great, because even with them there, the men outnumbered us. Us meaning me and Wanda. I got to know both of them a bit. They were both very nice, but Jane was a little obsessed with science and kept a little to herself. Darcy on the other hand was really extrovert, she was energetic, quite funny and a little obvious from time to time. Wanda seemed to go along quite well with her. And of course I hung around them a bit too. We had a lot of fun pranking Tony by hacking Jarvis and making him sing everything he said. Tony wasn't very pleased with that though. It took him several day's to fix it.

We showed her Darcy the way we train too. "That's pretty intense," she stated. "It looks worse than it is." "That's because you're used to it." "Probably yes." Bucky was being a bit of a show-off, doing push-ups with one arm, his metal arm. "That's unfair," Steve told him, so Bucky switched to his other arm. And so of course Steve had to do push-ups on one arm too. Those two are pretty competitive together, in a good way luckily. "Are they always like that?" Darcy asked. "Yeah, pretty much," Wanda told her, "Just a few days ago they tried to figure out who could eat the most donuts." "Who won?" "They both stopped after ten." "A tie then." "Yup." "They're idiots really," I told her. "I heard that," Steve said. "Love you." "Yeah, I know." "Wait, what?" Darcy sounded surprised. "Yeah, Nat and Steve are in a relationship," Wanda explained." "That's cute! Wait, is that allowed here, relationships on the working-floor? Do you think you'll ever get married?" "Wow, calm down there." "If it's up to me we will," Steve replied. Both Darcy and Wanda looked at me with the kind of face you see a girl make in TV-series after the crush of their best friend hinted on liking the best friend. "Get out," I told them. And they walked out laughing.

"Did you have to say that?" I asked Steve after they left. "What? I only told the truth." I looked down, suddenly speechless. "Nat? You okay?" "Yeah uh... I'm fine." "Shocked?" "No, a little surprised is all." "Hey, don't worry, I'll wait till I think you're ready." He lifted my head gently and looked me in the eye. "And if you're not ready at that time, you can always say so." I smiled. "That's cute," he said, then he kissed me. "Ahem," Bucky said, but we ignored him. "Guys... we should be training," he sounded amused though. "Oi, love-birds!" We kept ignoring him till he decided to throw water over our heads. "Hey," Steve said displeased. "We should be training, or do you prefer me to glue your lips together," Bucky said teasing. "As if you could." "Oh I could." "Oh really?" Steve asked, before he attacked him. Three seconds after they were on the ground wrestling. "Boys," I said with a sigh.

The next day I decided to take a day off, so Wanda and Darcy dragged me to the mall to go shopping with them. Seriously, I didn't really have a choice, they dragged me with them. "Girls, is this really needed?" "Yes, we need a girls night," they both said. "But it's day." "It'll be night soon enough," Wanda said. "But-," "Just go with it," Darcy told me. "It'll be fun."

And fun it was, we went shopping first. Bought some clothes, some cheap, some expensive, mostly expensive when it came to me, but I just like to say I have good taste. I also bought some books, including the Game of Thrones series. After that we went to Madame Tussauds where we took some crazy selfies with some of the statues. It was already past noon on that point. Close to half past three. After that we went to the cinema, where we watched the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. After that we just sat on a bench in the park for a while, discussing who of the guys looked better, Jack, Will or Henry. Eventually we all voted for Jack, or do I have to say Captain Jack? After that we had dinner at a fancy restaurant. Then we went home.

"That was fun," I said, after singing along to the radio again. "You sound surprised," Darcy said. "Yeah well, I never really had a... ladies' night out." "Not?" "No, never had the time for it." "Same here," Wanda said. "You missed a lot." "Seems like it." "Why did you never have time for it?" "Well, work as a secret agent/spy... it's a lot of work. Also, I didn't have that much female friends." "And how about you Wanda?" "Well, after I became an orphan... didn't make much friends either, and then we went to those idiotic German scientists, so I lived in a lab. And like Nat already stated, working with the Avengers is just a lot of work." "Hmm, that sounds kinda sad." "It's the way it is." After that little talk we sang along with the radio again.

Somehow we decided to go to the beach before we actually went home. So suddenly we were sitting on the sand, talking. "So, you're an orphan?" Darcy asked Wanda. "Yeah... I was ten." "That's sad." "It could have been worse," Wanda said, she clearly didn't really want to talk about it. But at the same time as she said it she glanced at me. Darcy saw that too, "Are you an orphan too?" "Well, yes... just figured that out about three years ago, but yes." "What?" "Well, I was too young to actually remember what happened to them... to actually remember how I got into the KGB... So, one day, I went looking for my parents... all I found were two little graves." "I don't even know if my parents are buried," Wanda said "could be they are..." "Probably." "Yes... probably. I never went to look for graves..." "Would you want to? One day?" "Maybe... but not alone." I nodded, "I understand that." "Can I ask what happened to your parents?" Darcy asked Wanda. "They died..." "Yes, but how?" "Two explosive hit the building we lived in... Stark's explosives..." "Is that why you don't really like Tony" "Yeah... I don't hate him anymore though... nor do I still blame him. He could have done a background check of his buyers... but of course he still wouldn't know what they'd do with them." "I'm glad you stopped blaming Tony," I told her. "Yeah, there was no point in it." We were silent for a while, looking at the dark waves. Then Wanda asked me, "Do you know what happened to your parents?" "I do." "But you don't want to talk about it?" "Not yet.... Should I go with you to Sokovia once? If ever you'd like to visit your parents' graves?" She smiled at me, "Yeah, that'd be fine by me." "You two are better friends than you let on, isn't it?" Darcy asked us. "You're quite the observing type, aren't you?" I asked her in return. "It can always be helpful." "That's very true."

We talked a little more about family and friends, and eventually even about pets. "I like animals," Darcy said, "When the Destroyer attacked I evacuated the animals of the pet store, including this dog I called Baker... which I gave away ten seconds after that... Never saw him again." "So, you saved the animals?" "Yes... I do miss Baker sometimes." "Animals are important," Wanda said, "Better than humans mostly." "They are," I agreed. "I wonder where Baker is now..." "He'll be fine." "Yeah, at least the monster didn't step on him, he's probably still with that guy I gave him to. I mean, it was safer for the animals to be out of the... village thing we were in." "Maybe you'll find him once." "Nah, I doubt it."

After that we went back to the compound, and for real this time. It was close to twelve when we arrived there. Steve was waiting for us in the garage. "You're late," he told us. "We had fun," I replied. "It's ten minutes to twelve Nat." "Could have been later." "Where have you been?" "Shopping mall, cinema, beach, that's all." "Can you please tell me next time." "Sorry, didn't have time for that, those two dragged me along," I said pointing at Darcy and Wanda. "Oh, did they?" He sounded slightly amused now. "Yeah they did, and if you don't mind, we're tired and we'd like to go to our rooms." "I'll let the two of them go to their own rooms... Not so sure about you though." "Steve, I'm tired." "I know, there are other things people do in bed-rooms, next to... you know. I just missed you sleeping next to me okay? That's all." "Well, in that case I'd like to come along."

The next morning I woke up in Steve's arms. I stared at him for a while, marvelling at how peaceful he looked while asleep. Then I kissed him on the nose to wake him up. "Hmmuh," he mumbled. "Good morning." He opened one eye, "Hmm, yeah, good morning for sure." "Did you sleep well?" "Dreamed about a van full of ice-cream, you?" "You and Bucky were trying to tap-dance, and failing miserably. It was quite funny to watch." "Why would Bucky and I even try to tap-dance?" "I don't know." "Then why dream about it silly?" "Hmm, well, you were shirtless, both of you." "You like that don't you." "I'm only human Steve." "Good thing you are." "Oh, and how so?" "So I can enjoy your company, something I really like." "Are you trying to flirt with me, sleepy-head?" "Maybe a bit." "At least you're cute like this." "It's not working huh?" "I didn't say that." "It sounded like that." "It's too early in the morning to flirt." He looked at the clock. "It's nine a.m." "Like I said, too early in the morning to flirt." He sighed, "Let's get breakfast, shall we?" "Sounds like a plan."

When we arrive in the cafeteria everybody else was already there. "Morning love-birds," Bucky said, "Had a nice night?" He winked. "Yeah, I dreamed about ice-cream," Steve said. "Oh... so you didn't..." "No, no we didn't." "Sure?" Tony asked. "If Steve said they didn't, they didn't, he can't lie," Bucky told him, "Or at least he's terrible at it." "I'm not, Steve said defensively." "You are," I said, "I told you before, didn't I?" "Yeah... yeah you did." "So, how was the ladies' night?" Tony asked. "It was fun," Darcy, Wanda and I replied at the same time. "That was creepy," Darcy said. "Just a little," Wanda answered, while making a croissant fly around her head. "Wanda, stop playing with your food," Tony told her. She made it hover in front of her and took a bite, "This good enough?" "As long as you eat it," he answered with a sigh. "Hey, I need to learn to control my powers in some way right?" "True, true, but I'd prefer if you do that in the training room." She rolled her eyes and dropped the croissant. Some of the jam somehow splattered in Tony's face. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" "Maybe, maybe not, you can't prove it." She ate the rest of her croissant with a sly smile on her face though, which made me suspect that she really had done it on purpose."

After breakfast, we went to the training room, where I trained with Wanda. The training was quite simple and started to get boring. I had to throw objects at Wanda, she had to stop them with her powers, and throw them back at me. I had to avoid the objects she threw back. The objects became bigger and bigger, and harder to avoid, but it was still boring. So we made it fun by turning on the radio and we had to try to move to the beat of the music while everything we did. This made it harder, but I kinda danced to avoid all objects she threw back at me.

At the end of the day she walked over to me, "Hey, Natasha," she said, sounding a little cautious. "What's it?" "Uh... I was wondering if... maybe we could go to Sokovia anytime soon...?" "If that would please you," I told her. "And uh... could we go to Russia too?" "Why Russia?" "Well... it's been year since you visited your parents graves... isn't it?" She had a point there, "Yes, it is." "I just thought, maybe, if we go visit my parents' graves.... We could visit yours too... you know." I actually liked the idea of that, going to visit my parents graves with a friend who knew how it was to lose both parents at a young age, "Yeah, we could do that."

I really think I underestimated Wanda at first, but I never knew what she had been put through, and there was a time that I didn't really want to get to know her. But now that I got to know her, she turned out to be really nice. She is caring, even if she doesn't really want to show that, she doesn't only think about herself, something I do a lot, something I'm, trying to do as less as possible. Wanda had become a good friend to me, especially after Clint died. It's strange how such things can bring people closer together.


	11. Chapter 11

I stood back as Wanda squatted down beside the little graves of her parents. She let go a sad sigh. It had taken us five days to find the graves, but now we were here, with flowers. Red roses, almost scarlet. Wanda had found it very fitting. As she sat there she looked even younger than she was. She let her head hang, her hair a curtain to both sides of her face. "Why?" I heard her whisper, "Why is the world so cruel?" I walked over to her, "It really is, isn't it?" I said in a soft voice as I squatted down beside her. "It always has been." I put an arm around her. "Of course, that doesn't make the pain any less real, or any less painful." She shook her head, "No, it doesn't. But it's true nevertheless." "You okay?" "Yeah... I'm fine." I could see she was close to crying, but I didn't say anything about it. We sat there for a while, until she laid the flowers down on the graves. "I think I want to go," she said. "Then we'll go." I stood up, helped her up and we walked to the car we parked just outside the fence. This was the first but not the last time, Wanda visited her parents' graves. Neither was it the last time I was there with her.

We went to a little café in a nearby town to drink some coffee. Wanda stayed silent the whole time we were there, but I didn't blame her for that. There was something shocking about seeing your parents' graves for the first time. I knew that myself. After I saw the ones of my parents, I didn't really feel like talking either. I wondered how the second time would feel... Would it still be that shocking? Or maybe a little less, since I knew what I could expect? I didn't know. I'll see when I get there, I thought. Which would be after a week. We'd stay here in Sokovia for a while to take care of the graves. And for a bit of sightseeing after. Tomorrow we'd got rid the graves of weed, which was technically all that needed to be done. Then we'd visit the "battlefield" of the fight against Ultron. After that? We didn't really know.

And so, the next day, as I already said, we plucked weed form the graves. She looked a little calmer, now that she saw the graves for the second time. She still kept a little to herself though, and I gave her the space she needed. After that we went to see the "battlefield". This also brought up some emotions for Wanda, since Pietro died here. But him we buried an America, Clint was buried on the same graveyard now. His grave she visited regularly she had told me. She never told any of the others though.

Somehow the place made me think of Banner and how he dropped himself in the ocean as Hulk, fully aware of what he was doing. I was in love with him at that time... The thought of that saddened me a bit. But thinking how far I came from that... No, it still didn't really make me feel better.

We didn't want to stay there for too long, so after ten minutes we went back to the hotel. We didn't say a word on the way back, both lost in our own sad thoughts. When we arrived at the hotel we both went back to our rooms, still not willing to share anything. We did trust each other yes, but were both a bit... closed off to the people around us, not matter how much we trust them. But I knew that eventually we'd talk to each other, we were friends now.

And of course, just like I knew it would, we talked about it the next day. She knocked on my door, around 6 a.m. "Who's there?" I asked, sleepy and annoyed. "It's me," she answered. "Do you know what time it is?" "Ten past six in the morning," she answered. I groaned, "Why so early?" "Because I can't sleep anymore." I sighed annoyedly, "Fine, come in." The door opened and closed and Wanda sat down on my bed. I yawned and mumbled "I hate mornings," under my breath. Then I tried to sound less irritated and a bit nicer, "So, why can't you sleep?" "It's just... the memories, it's a little too much for me I suppose." "I know that feeling." She smiled, "That's why I came to you." "Hmm, I'll try to be nice." "Thanks. How so try?" "Because I'm the total opposite of a morning person, that's why." "Oh," she said with a slight smile. "So, bring it on, whatever it is you want to talk about."

"Well, it's mainly just the memories haunting me, the good ones. I know that might sound strange, but it's the happy memories that make me the saddest. They just remind me of how much fun I had with my parents, with my brother, which makes the fact that none of them are here anymore even worse..." "That doesn't sound weird at all to me." "And, I dream about them. About how it would have been if they were still alive. And then, when I wake up... I miss them... I cry... And it... it hurts." I put an arm around her, "I know," I told her, "I know it hurts." "Will they ever go away?" "I don't know, I wish I did. I know that they will come less frequently as the time goes by though." "Well... at least that's something." "Yes, it's something, but definitely not enough." "Maybe we'll learn to live with it, and maybe they won't hurt as much anymore as the time goes by." "Maybe. I hope so." "What were you thinking about last night?" "Banner," I sighed. "You loved him." "I did." "He didn't love you?" "I don't know, he only said he was too dangerous and then he flung himself into an ocean." "That's hard." "Life's hard." "Yeah, how many times did we tell each other that already?" "I really haven't got a clue." "Why Banner though?" She asked me after a minute of silence. "Because... well... He saved me... kinda, and I might have kissed him before I pushed him of some sort of ledge to provoke him to turn into the Hulk." "Why doesn't that surprise me?" "Because that action has me written all over it." "It sure does yes. You so still miss him, it's still hard for you to cope with his death, even now you're in love with Steve." I didn't ask her how she knew. It's not like I told anybody, not like I showed any sign of it, but still I didn't ask her how she knew. "I loved him," I simply stated. "That you did."

We decided to visit the zoo that Wanda had visited a few times with her parents and her brother that day, because, or so we said, "To stop thinking about the old memories, you should start creating new ones, while cherishing the old ones". It might be that didn't make sense at all, but hey, we could still try it out right? So that's what we did.

We had fun at the zoo, especially Wanda. She pointed out some places, telling what had happened there. "This is where Pietro got bitten by a flamingo once while he tried to pet it." "Well, you shouldn't pet flamingo's, how old were you?" "We were nine and he tried to impress a girl." "At that age?" "Oh well, boys, some of 'em start old, some of 'em start young." "True." "How I laughed when it bit him." "I suppose it was a very amusing sight." "Yeah, it was." She also pointed out the place where she'd almost fallen into the turtle lake but. "Pietro grabbed my hand right on time." "What happened?" "I slipped." "Hmm, this bridge looks slippery indeed."

I learned a bit more about Wanda and also about Pietro that day. I learned that Pietro was a little adventurer when he was young, he even tried to ride the goats, and got chased by the goats after that. Wanda on the other hand was way calmer as a kid. She had liked the butterflies and the tropical birds better. But they were also the same in some ways. They both played lions at the lion pit. Played monkeys at the monkey cages and chased after each other on the children's playground in the middle of the zoo.

"You were different, yet the same." "We were, because we're twins. And best friends." I wondered how that was for a while, to have a sibling that wasn't only your sibling, but also your best friend. It seemed great to me. "That sounds great." "It was great. We did everything together, once we even broke our arms together by falling with a bike. Pietro was steering, I was sitting behind him, but we fell because we went downhill and Pietro braked to fast." "Ow." "It hurt yes, but we had fun." "I see." "You see?" "Yeah, you're smiling." "Oh... really?" She said, her smile growing slightly bigger. "Yeah, really."

The next day wasn't nearly as much fun as the day before, but we had a lot of fun though. We visited some parks, stalked after some birds, sailed on a lake and eventually ate at a McDonalds. Then I took Wanda clubbing. Not something she was used to, but we had fun, we might have gotten a little drunk though, but hey, that happens once in a while. The next morning we both had headaches thought. Something we both didn't really appreciate, so we got out of bed around one p.m. when the worst of it was over.

"Well, that was fun yesterday," Wanda said, still sounding a bit hungover. "Hmm, yeah, it was nice." "You were gone for like half an hour." "Oh, was I?" I might have been a bit more drunk than Wanda. "Yeah, you were, with this dark-haired mysterious guy." "Oops... do me a favour, don't tell Steve. And if you do, make sure to mention I was drunk." "I won't tell him." "Don't think he'd be surprised though, bit hurt, but not surprised." "Why wouldn't he be surprised?" "I have a reputation." "Of being a flirt." "Yeah, and more than that. And since we're talking about flirting anyway, there were some really cute guys flirting with you." "Were there?" "Yeah, there were." She looked pleased with that. "So, what are we going to do today?" "Well, it's raining, so how about we watch horror movies?" "You like horror movies?" I asked her. "Sometimes," she said with a shrug. "Well, it sounds like a good idea to me.

So, we spend the day watching horror movies, but first we went to the supermarket to get ourselves popcorn, lots of popcorn. Good thing the hotel-TV had Netflix and both Wanda and I had a Netflix account. It was fun to see the quality difference between the movies. Some were terrible, so fake you'd almost laugh. Others were, hiding behind the couch, scary. Some of them had a lot of jump-scares, which was also quite funny, especially if the person with whom you watch scares a little more easily then you do. I have to admit, the movies scared me too, but mostly my heartbeat just went up to I don't know how high whenever a jump-scare came around. We watched movies till late in the night, or actually till early in the morning. Good thing there weren't so many people in the hotel, we would have screamed them awake.

"Is that sunlight on the floor?" Wanda asked at one point. I shrugged, turned around, and then closed my eyes and hid behind the couch. "it's blinding me," I complained. "Don't act so Gollum." I looked up at her, "It hurtssss, it's hurtsssss my eyesss preciousssss." She laughed, "Get up you." I shook my head, "No, too much sunlight." She sighed and stood up, then she turned around, "Oh god this is blinding indeed." She walked over to the window and closed the curtains. Then, cautiously, I stood up. Wanda laughed, "You look ridiculous." So, still in my Gollum role, I hissed at her, which only made her laugh harder.

So after that we just sat down on the couch together, not knowing what to do. "So... what now?" Wanda asked. "That. Mrs.Maximoff, is a very good question." "Mrs.Maximoff?" "Yes, yes indeed." "Why?" "Because I'm tired and I'm bored and my jokes are terrible when I'm tired and bored." "I see." "You sure" Most people can't see words." "You need to sleep." "No, I need an extra large cappuccino." "That sounds very tempting." "I know it does, let's get coffee." And so we got ourselves some coffee, and croissants and some orange juice, and maybe a muffin or two, basically we just got ourselves breakfast.

After breakfast we went to a library, just because we could. We searched along the long shelves of books for something interesting to read. I stopped for a few seconds when I saw a little bookshelf filled with old comics. Some of them about the war hero Captain America. "Hey Wanda, look what I found." "What is it you found?" "Let's just say it's about one of our friends." Curious as she was, she walked over to where I was standing. She looked at the comics and a small smile formed around her lips. "Well that is very interesting." "I once knew a guy who'd probably drool at the sight of those." "You what now?" "His name was Phil, he was the biggest Captain America fan like, ever." "How did you know that guy," she asked me sounding amused. "He was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Phil Coulson." "Well, that's not weird at all." "I'm pretty sure it made Steve quite uncomfortable." "I would have loved to see that." "Yeah you would." We decided to read some of the old comics, occasionally saying: "This is soooo Steve," or "Oh my god Steve," or "Steve you're such an idiot," mixed up with phrases like: "Steve no" and "Steve yes."

Eventually we left the comics for what they were and we left the library. "We have been here for hours," I said in surprise." "Time flies while you're having fun." "That's true, and at least we learned something." "What did we learn?" "Steve needs a bunch of idiots around him in order to survive." Wanda laughed, "It's starting to look like it yes." "And Bucky has to be a vital part of those idiots." "They almost looked gay for each other." "Oh well, nothing wrong with that... except of course that Steve's mine now." "Aw, can't you share." I made a growling sound like a cat. "Okay, message clear, you can't. Anyway, I think he wouldn't even want Bucky now he has you." "Oh well, you never know, men are strange creatures." "They sure are, but Steve and Buck are better as friends anyways." "Yeah, they have e pretty perfect friendship... just like I had with... Oh well, you know." "Yeah, I know."

After that we stayed in Sokovia for like, three more days, in that time Wanda learned a bit Russian, and I mentally prepared myself to go back to Russia for the first time in months... I wasn't very happy to go back, a little scared actually, after all that had happened. Of course we weren't on a mission this time, so everything would be different, but still, Russia was the country of my nightmares, where it also was the country of my past. It strange how much the two of those were alike. Strange, and probably very, very bad.

The night before we left the nightmares already started, and I was glad that Wanda didn't have a room close to mine. I mean, I wouldn't have wanted her to see me like that. Of course she knew my fears, she knew the stuff my nightmares were made of, but she had never actually seen me as terrified as I was right then. But somehow she seemed to sense it anyway, because she knocked on my door, not long after midnight, not long after I woke up screaming. I was still trying to calm myself down and the little knock on my door came as a shock. "It's just me Nat, calm down." "Wanda?" I managed to say. "Yeah, just me." "Come in." She did as I told. "You okay?" "Do I look okay?" "No, you don't... I just... asked out of habit." I realized it had sounded kind of snappy. "Yeah, I know," I said "Sorry, "I'm just... not feeling well." "I don't blame you, I've been keeping an "eye" on you. I suspected this would happen, Steve told me about it." "He did? When" "Right before we left." I nodded, and I was surprised by the fact that I was surprised. I should have expected this, but then again, I was still not really used to someone caring about me. We talked a little, about Steve, about the other Avengers, all save subjects, then, when I was completely calmed down, Wanda went back to her room. And I realized Steve wasn't the only one looking after me. Not anymore. I had a friend now.

That same day at the airport Wanda could feel my tension, "We'll be alright," she told me. "Yeah sure," I tried to sound convincing, but I'm not sure it worked, don't think it did. "How about some coffee huh? I saw a Starbucks close to here." "Coffee sounds good," I answered, still sounding a little nervous. But coffee did really sound though, it would calm me down, I was sure about that. And so at the Starbucks I ordered something with a lot of chocolate, whipped cream and caramel. "You'll get a sugar rush out of that," Wanda told me. "Oh well, I can use a little energy." I was exhausted. "You might be right about that." "Of course I'm right about that, I know what my body needs and at this moment it need sugar." "If you say so," she said with a slight smile." "Indeed, if I say so." She shook her head, smiling softly. "Hey, aren't you the female Avengers?" the barista asked us. "No, we're their twin sisters," I told her. "You don't have to be so sarcastic," she mumbled back. "Leave her, she didn't sleep well," Wanda explained. "May I ask you where you're going?" The barista asked curiously. "Russia," Wanda told her. "She's going back there?" The barista asked in a hushed voice. Apparently the whole thing with me, Steve, Russia, Sam, Bucky, Wakanda, the KGB and Hydra had been all over the news. Everybody knew what had happened to me and what had happened to Steve. "Yeah, she's going back and I'm going with her." "What are you going to do there?" "That," Wanda said, "Is none of your business." The barista nodded, handed Wanda her coffee and didn't bother us after.

The flight, obviously, was long and boring. Oh well, long, just a few hours, we could have gone by car really, but we both didn't want to be in a car for about ten hours, so taking a plane it was. While on the plane we watched a movie about Alexander the Great. I don't remember much of it, expect that there was a lot of blood at some part, and that there was this handsome long-haired guy, oh, and Angelina Jolie was in it.

When we landed I started to tense again, just the thought of being in Russia made me nervous again. I knew it would be bad, but I hadn't thought it would be that bad. "We won't stay here for long if you don't want to," she told me. "We don't have to stay here for two weeks like we did Sokovia, even if that was the deal." "No, I can handle this." "If you say so." "Indeed, if I say so." She raised her eyebrows, unconvinced.

After the landing we retrieved our bags and went to the hotel we booked. This time we booked one room with two beds. At the time, I didn't know that was Steve's plan. In Russia, he wanted Wanda to keep an eye on me as close as possible, and Wanda, sensing my tension, and maybe my fear, agreed on it.

The hotel we stayed in wasn't much, from the outside it looked more like an apartment building. It was just outside Stalingrad, at least, for Russian standards. It was small, but warm and the view was amazing. Russia was beautiful, there was no denying that. There was so much to see in Russia. That's why we planned a bit of a road trip through the country, staying at Bed and Breakfasts or motels, but we had to visit my parents' graves first. And I knew that, even though I'd enjoy the sight-seeing, the nightmares would take over at night.

The first thing we did next morning was visiting my parents' graves. I did it with a lump in my throat. The first time had been bad, it was close after I figured out they were dead. Of course it was stupid of me to hope that they were alive somewhere, but everybody has stupid hopes from time to time. But that's just the way things are, and the way I see it, disappointment makes you stronger, so hope your stupid hopes. And more importantly, dream your stupid dreams. Also dream good ones that can come true of course, but there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about the impossible from time to time. Anyway, being there, knowing the cause of my parents' death... it was worse than the first time, but also a little better. Why was it better? Because I wasn't alone. "I'm sorry having me got you in so much trouble," I whispered. "I... I wish..." What did I wish? That I was never born? That none of it had happened? "I wish they would have just kidnapped me and left you guys alive." It was as close to the truth as it would get.

Wanda squatted down beside me, "You alright?" She asked me in a whisper. "I'm fine." "You're crying." "Am I?" I didn't realize it, not until Wanda mentioned it. "You are." "That's new." "Is it really?" "Well... maybe not that new." I sighed, "It feels weird being here knowing that I'm... That I'm..." I couldn't say it. "That you're what?" I shook my head. "Nat, please, you can tell me anything, you can trust me... please?" It was hard for me to trust people, she knew that, but, when she said it like that, I knew it was true. "It feels weird being here, knowing I'm," I sighed, "knowing I'm the cause of their death." "What? Nat that's ridiculous!" "No it's not... I can explain it to you but..." I sighed again, "I think it might be easier if I'd let you read a copy of my KGB file." She looked at me in surprise, "Are you sure about that?" "Hey, you said it yourself, I can trust you." "I didn't think you'd trust me that much." "Well... I know your backstory, you might as well know mine." She nodded, "Thank you Nat."

I left some flowers at the graves, black roses, as black as my name and as black as my past. I'm glad my future looks brighter, I thought. Then we left. This was not the last time I visited my parents' graves, and it wasn't the last time with Wanda either. Funnily enough, visiting our parents' graves would become a thing we'd do every year. I don't really know if that's really something funny though.

The next few days after we went sightseeing, we even went trekking. It was great, the scenery was amazing. Only the nights were terrible, but the longer we stayed in Russia, the better Wanda got at calming me down. I asked her many times if my nightmares were bothering her night rest, she always answered she didn't mind. It felt a little weird, having a real friend again, someone who I knew I could trust, and of whom I knew she trusted me. Weird, but great. I could really be myself around her, which was harder around the other Avengers, especially Stark, Steve was an exception of course, but we were in a relationship, so that didn't really count. Bucky was nice to be around either, he knew what it feels like to do things against your will, the only difference was that he was brainwashed and didn't know what he was doing and that I was forced to and almost didn't know better. I wonder which is worse.

We spent the whole two weeks in Russia, and then we went back home. Both a little sad to leave the beautiful scenery behind, but also kinda glad that this was over. Especially me. I knew the nightmares would continue for a few days, that's just the way it goes, but it would be over soon, especially since Steve was back home waiting for me. The thought of Steve made my stomach flutter. "You seem happy," Wanda stated. "We're going back home." She smiled, "I think what you meant is "I'm going back to Steve" Isn't it?" "Maybe," I said, my smile widening. "No maybe there, I can see it in your eyes. Oh and I can read it in your mind of course," she said with a wink." "Nosy little mind-reader." "At your service."

"Hey Wanda," I said a few hours later, "have you read my file yet?" She looked at me, surprised. She probably didn't expect me to bring this up. "Yeah, I did..." "What did you think of it?" "Well... It's... It's terrible of course, what they made you do. But I still don't think you're the cause of your parents' death, no matter what your file says, and no matter what you say. You were just five years old." "You don't think any different of me?" "No, why would I?" "Well, I killed a lot of people." "Hmmm," she mused, "but that's all in the past, isn't it? And what's in the past is in the past. You should live for the future. You're a different person now Nat, that's what matters." I smiled softly, "Thanks," I said. "Hey, any day."


	12. Chapter 12

It was a quiet day at the compound, July and August had passed in a haze and the summer was coming to its end. The wheater got colder and rainier. The wind became stronger and the leaves started to fall from the trees. Fall was coming.

"Good morning!" Tony said entering the cafeteria. "Good morning? It's raining," I told him. "I know," he said with a smile. "Why are you so happy about that?" "I don't know, I just am." "What a great explanation sir." "Oh shut up Jarvis." "If you wish so sir." "It's a very good morning for sure," Steve said walking in. "Why is it such a good morning?" "Because you're back." I rolled my eyes. "Hey, let me like that." I raised my hands, "Sure, it's nothing special, but sure." "It's special to me," he sat down next to me, "because you're special to me," he whispered." "Can you please not do that here?" Tony asked. "Do what here?" "Being close and cute together, it's a little uncomfortable." Wanda, who was sitting on my other side, disagreed with him, "You're just jealous." "No, it makes me uncomfortable." So, of course, to tease Tony, Steve gave me a passionate kiss. "I missed that," I said, and he kissed me again, "I missed that a lot."

The rest of the day we spent training, kinda boring actually. But hey, we had to stay in top-condition, because maybe Hydra would attack somewhere. Or maybe the KGB, you never know. So training it was. At least I trained with Wanda again, there was some fun in avoiding the flying objects she threw at me, and training my speed and agility might come in handy some time.

After the training I went to Steve's room. I opened the door without knocking, just as he was taking off his shirt. He turned around, "Uh hey." "Hey." He tried to look angry, "You know there's s thing called privacy right?" "You know I really don't mind seeing you like this right?" I said with a wink. He smiled, "Yeah, I know." "Would you mind if I stay here tonight?" "I'd like that actually." "Oh would you?" "Yeah, I would." We tried to sleep that night, honestly, we did, but it was kinda hard after not seeing each other for about a month, so it didn't really come to sleeping.

The next morning Tony woke us by knocking on the door and entering right after because he didn't get an answer. "Good morning," he said with a bright smile, not bothered by the clothes everywhere in the room. "It was good until you ruined it," I told him. "You're welcome." I threw a pillow at his head. "That's not very nice." "Just like waking us up." "Ssshh, Grumpy," Steve said, "just ignore him." "I'm not grumpy." "You sound grumpy." I huffed. "But you're cute when you're grumpy so I do kinda like it." "I'm NOT cute!" "I have a different opinion on that." "Shove that opinion up your ass." Tony laughed, "I can see that love." "She's not a morning person." "Kinda put that together." "Well, then why are you still standing there instead of getting your stupid ass out of this room?" "What's it whit you and the word ass this morning?" "Well, it's twice in the word assassin, so there you go." "That makes no sense." "Just about as much sense as you being in this room." "Are you uncomfortable with me being here because you're naked?" "No." "You're just annoyed?" "GET OUT!" He walked out laughing. Steve was laughing too. "Oh you think that's funny huh?" "I do yes." I rolled over, right on top of him and sat up, "Still think it's funny?" "Oh, you just made it better," now he rolled over and I was laying underneath him. Let's just say we continued whatever we were doing last night.

After that we got ourselves some lunch, yeah lunch. Tony sat on the other side of the table, sending us amused looks. I glared at him and he sniggered. "Well somebody has some fun." "Not as much fun as you last night, huh?" "No indeed," I said with a sweet smile. "Oh, someone is changing her tactic." "You bet I am." "Very smart, very smart." "Tony, eat your lunch." "He took a bite of an apple, "If thifh good enough?" "Please don't talk while you're eating." "Forry."

After lunch I decided to look for Wanda, who I found playing video games with Tony's new intern, Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spider-Man, on her room. "Hey Wanda, hey Spidey." Peter looked up, he looked a little surprised, "Did you just call me Spidey?" "Yeah, as in, I'm too lazy to say Spider-Man, so I'm just calling you Spidey." "Who told you?" "Well, the camera's in this building did." "You hacked the security camera's?" "No, I have access to them." "Mr. Stark is not going to like this." "Mr. Stark would not be surprised at all. The thing he's not going to like is that you told a little kid your name." "Oh... he... uh... he was ill... and... he was so sad and he told me his name was Peter and I said it was my name too and... I never thought he'd tell anybody, I swear!" "Calm down, as far as I know, he only told me and Steve... maybe his parents, also, big chance nobody would believe him anyway." "Well, it was a good kid." "Yeah it was." Peter looked at Wanda, "Uh... well, I guess I got something to explain now?" "Nah, I recognized your voice." "WHAT? And you didn't tell me? You didn't ask anything." "Seriously, why would I bother if I can read your mind, during the whole fight in Germany you were just going like, "Stay cool Peter, stay cool," or "I can't believe that I, Peter Parker, am fighting with the Avengers," so you shouldn't be surprised." Peter stared at her looking very embarrassed. Wanda smiled, "You didn't think of that huh?" "No, I did not." "Anyway, what game are you guys playing?" "Mario Kart," Peter said. "We have one more controller if you'd like to join," Wanda said. "Well, that should be fun."

The game was fun indeed, we raced against each other as the famous, and little less famous, Mario characters in little karts. Somehow I settled on the little green dragon thing, known by the name Yoshi. Wanda went with a character named Rosalina, and Peter was, as he put it, The Mario Himself. We raced over several tracks, bumped into each other several times, fell of a very annoying track called Rainbow-Road a few times and got burned from time to time. Somehow I wondered why this is a family game. I mean, you race against each other, yeah that's fine, but you throw stuff at each other, like turtle shell's and even friggin bombs and parents are okay with that? You drop banana peels for other people to slide out, and that's normal or something. Not to mention the lightning thing whit which you hit everybody with lightning and everybody shrinks and stuff, like it's daily business. How could parents ever think this game is a good game to play with their children? I mean, yeah it's okay with older children, but with pretty young ones... don't think that's smart. But hey, the game was fun and we all won from time to time, so it's not like I think it's a terrible game or something, just don't play it with or around young kids.

"I could really use some snacks," Peter said, after he fell off of the Rainbow-Road for about the third time that race. "Hmm, snacks would be nice yes," Wanda said. "Well, we can either pause the game or we can tell Jarvis we want snacks and hope he'll give us some." "I can send someone to bring you snacks," Jarvis replied. "Can you send us Steve in a maid's costume," I whispered. "Please don't," Wanda said, "he doesn't have the legs for that." "That's true." "So, you want me to send you someone to bring you snacks or not?" "Of course we do," Wanda replied. "We're lazy today," Peter added.

Not much later, Steve was standing in front of the door in a waiter's outfit. "At least he doesn't wear a maid's costume," Wanda said when he walked in. "A what?" "Never mind." "Yeah, this looks better," I agreed. "You just like the way his butt looks in it." "The ability to read minds doesn't give you the right to say whatever's on someone else's mind!" "Hmm, I thought Steve'd want to hear this." "This is very interesting information indeed, thank you Wanda." He put the snacks down, gave me a light kiss and walked out. Peter looked at it in surprise. "Somewhere in July," Wanda answered Peter's unasked question, "Why are you so surprised about that?" "Because... He's so... and she's so..." "Yeah, well, they have a lot of chemistry, just deal with it." "Uh... alright."

We continued gaming, stopping from time to time to eat some snacks, drink something, or order more snacks and drinks. Because snacks are the only things important enough to pause a game... next to family, friends or going to the toilet. We gamed till late in the evening, ordering pizza for dinner, then, after the pizzas were all eaten, we played ten more rounds, after which we decided we should stop and go to bed. For it was around midnight. Without thinking I went to Steve's room. He was still awake. "Took you long enough to finish that game." "Well it was fun." "Yeah, being your waiter wasn't." "You looked cute in it." "Oh did I?" "Yeah you did." "I suppose you're tired." "Yeah, I am actually." He pulled me closer, "Let's sleep then." "Yeah," I yawned, "Let's do that."

We slept till half past twelve the next day, and we woke up well rested. "Good morning," Steve said as I woke up. I looked at the clock, "Morning? It's afternoon." He shrugged, "Good afternoon then." "That's more like it." "What day is it?" "Uh, somewhere mid-September, the fifteenth or so." "Okay." "Did you forget?" "No, just wanted to be sure." "Oh, that's it huh?" "Yup. Funny how fast the year went huh?" "At some parts yes, others went slow." "Which parts?" "How about when we were captured in Wakanda and you were shipped off to the KGB?" "Can you please not talk about that? I hate that." "Still kinda... sensitive?" "They tortured me and made me think I was a terrible human, and even worse, they told me they wanted the girls they train to become terrible humans like that. Yes it's a sensitive subject." "Sorry. How about those two months you were gone together with Wanda. They were pretty long to me." "The Sokovia part was kinda fun to me, Russia was a nightmare." "Yeah, I thought so." "Anyway, what's the planning today?" "Training, then I'll take you out in the evening." "Hmm, that sounds delightful." He smiled, "I hoped you'd say that." "You gonna wear that waiters outfit?" "No." "Pity." "It's not." "Oh it definitely is." "No it's not." "You looked good in it." "I'll just wear something semi-formal, okay?" "That's good enough." "You got something to wear?" "You know how big my closet is and still you care to ask that question?" He shrugged, "Shall we go eat something?" My stomach rumbled. "I think that's a yes." He laughed, "Well, let's go then."

The training was boring as always, so after about half an hour Wanda and I just started to joke around. "Girls, come on," Steve said. "What?" "Please be serious." "We are being serious." "You're throwing paper planes at each other!" "Air raid." "No... just no." We started to laugh. "What has gotten in to you girls today?" "I really have no idea," Wanda said, "I guess we're just done being serious all the time." "Yeah, let us be human for a while Steve, will you?" He sighed, "You've been gone for two months." "Yeah, to our homelands, pretty hard on both of us." He saw we had a point there, "Alright, alright. Let's just stop the training then, it's five p.m. anyway. Wanda, can you help Nat preparing for her date?" "Oh, you got a date?" "Yeah. He's nice, but kinda bossy sometimes." "That's because I'm the boss here." "Sometimes I feel like I work for him." "Nat, I'm the leader of the Avengers." "Oh well," I shrugged. "Just prepare yourself for that date." "Yes sir!" "Nat, please don't."

"So the two of you got a date?" Wanda asked while doing my hair. "Yeah, we do." "Are you excited?" "Why should I be excited?" "Well, it's your first official date, isn't it?" "Uh, yes." "That's a reason to be excited." "Oh well, it's not that special." "You never know what will happen." "Not much probably, remember, it's Steve we're talking about, he is ninety-nine. And very old-school." "Sure about that?" "Very sure." "Even after what happened in the Netherlands?" "We were drunk." "Steve can't get drunk. And you certainly weren't drunk that night after we came home." "Nothing's gonna happen Wanda, really." "But what if something does happen?" "What could possibly happen?" "Well, he could ask you to-," "Oho, no. I'm telling you, that's definitely not going to happen." "You can't be sure." "Well, we haven't been in a... relationship for that long." "No, but you've known each other for quite some time now." "Yes." "So there is a possibility." "There is, but it's really small." "But what will you do if he does?" "Oh god, do you really need to ask me that?" "We're friends, I'm bound to prepare you for what might come." I sighed. "What will you do if he asks you?" "Well... I'm definitely not ready for that... Don't think I'll ever be." She looked at me via the mirror, "Why not?" "Because... well... I'm not really the kind of woman to... bind myself to someone, not really "wife material" if you know what I mean." "There's more." "No there's not." "Yes, there is." "Wanda..." "Nat." I sighed, "Fine, there is more. I just like my freedom okay, being married... well it'll take some of that freedom away... it'll bind me to Steve... it... I don't know okay." "There's still more." "There is not!" "You want me to read it in your mind?" "No..." "Then tell me." "I just... I still think he deserves better." "Nat, come on." "No, don't say that. You've read my file, you know what I've done... You know what I can do... and what I can't." "Seriously? That's the reason?" "No, it's one of the factors, yes, but the main reason is that I just don't want to be bound to a person like that. It'd make me more vulnerable, if any of my enemies would find out..." "Well, you don't have to be married for that." "I know, but it makes the chances greater." "Maybe."

Around six p.m. Steve knocked on my door, "Are you girls done?" "Yeah, we are," Wanda said opening the door. "Can I come in?" "Sure." "Nat, maybe you can wait outside for a while, I need to talk to this guy." "What?" Steve said. "What?" I asked Wanda. "I just want to talk to him, nothing more." "Uh, okay," I turned to Steve, "Good luck." "Uh, thanks." "You're welcome." I waited outside the door as Wanda and Steve talked, I didn't have to wait long, just a few minutes. "Shall we go then?" Steve asked me. "That sounds like a very good idea." "Have fun," Wanda told us as we walked off.

"What did she talk to you about?" "I can't say that." "Oh really?" "Yup." "Did she tell you that?" "She did." "Well, she's not here." "I'm still not going to tell you, she said she'd hang me from the ceiling in my underwear if I did." "Well I'd like to see that to be honest." "Nat, I'm not going to tell you okay? It's not that important." "Are you sure about that?" He gave me a strange look, "Yeah, very sure."

He was hiding something, oh god how I hated that! But I knew he wouldn't talk about it, no matter what I said, no matter how I asked it. So I just decided to try to stop thinking about it, in which I failed miserably. In the meanwhile, Steve took me to a great restaurant, not far from the compound. We ordered our food, and he noticed I was unusually silent. "What's going on in your head?" "Oh, nothing." "Nat, is this about me not telling you what Wanda said?" "No, of course not." "Then why are you so silent?" "Maybe I just don't feel like talking." He sighed, "Nat, cheer up a bit please, we're on a date." "Yeah, yeah we are."

A waiter came over, we ordered our food and we sat there in silence, waiting. "You know, you could at least say something about the weather, or my hair, or my clothes." I looked up, "Why?" "Because talking about that kind of stuff is still better than not talking at all." "I already told you, I don't feel like talking." "Nat, I just want this night to be fun okay, I want it to be a night to remember." "I know, I know, it's just... Oh leave it, it's nothing."

The waiter came back with our food, he put the plates down, smiling at us. "Enjoy," he said. "Doesn't that look great?" "Yeah, it does." "Can you stop sulking?" "I'm not sulking." "Yes you are, why are you sulking?" I sighed, tried to smile, "Hey, we're on a date right, you said you wanted this to be a fun evening, well, let's try that." He was surprised by my "emotional switch" better known as acting, he didn't seem to notice that though.

We ate, we talked, we joked and we laughed the whole night long, until one moment ruined my whole night. Dessert. Or actually, what happened during the dessert. "Hey Nat, isn't it funny, how we've known each other for so long, and just now started dating?" "Well, sometimes feelings are hard to make sense of." "Yeah, they are, but now, they're pretty clear to me." Please tell me this isn't going somewhere. You know Nat, I know you pretty well now, after all those years, I trust you, you trust me, and that's special to you. That makes it special for me too. We have a pretty strong bond..." And you'll probably ruin that if you don't shut up right now. So... there's something I wanted to ask you." HELL NO! He kneeled down next to his chair. I THOUGHT I SAID HELL NO! "Natalia Alianova Romanoff." Why did he even remember that? "Will you marry me." At this point I was pretty sure Wanda knew. "Steve I..." I was suddenly aware of all the people staring at us. Damn public places. "Steve... I... I can't."

"What do you mean "you can't"?" "I mean that I'm... I'm not the type of woman to get married Steve, I'm not the type of woman to be bound to one person... I love the freedom of being... single, I don't want to lose that." "Is that everything?" "Of course it's not, but it's the main reason." "Is that really how you feel?" "Yes." "And what "freedom" is it you don't want to lose?" "The freedom to go wherever I want and to do whatever I want. If I'm bound to someone else, I can't do that." "This "freedom" also means you can do whatever you want, with whomever you want." "I... suppose so yes." "And you're not willing to lose that either." That was mean, that was very mean. "I'm not willing to lose any of my freedom." "So you want to keep that freedom too?" "Yes." "Then tell me, what exactly does our relationship actually mean to you? Do you really love me?" "Of course I do." "Then why are you not willing to sacrifice a little bit, just a little bit of your freedom to be with me?" "Steve, I didn't say-," "You just said you're not willing to lose any of your freedom." "That doesn't mean I don't love you." "That might be, but I can't be in a relationship with you if I'm not sure of what you're doing with other men." "Steve, please..." "No Natasha, I can't." He stood up and walked away, leaving me there alone to be stared at by all the people around me. "Dammit," I whispered.

"HE DID WHAT?!" Wanda asked me over the phone, as I called her for a ride home, not willing to take a bus. "Well, he said that, if I didn't want to sacrifice some of my freedom to be with him that my our relationship probably didn't meant anything to me, and he said that he couldn't be in a relationship with me if he doesn't know what I do with other men." "He's afraid you'll be unfaithful." "Well, he knows my reputation." "Yes, but... you won't be unfaithful..." "I probably won't yes." "Probably?" "Oh come on, we both know love isn't even based on that, besides, it's said to be good for your relationship to... you know... go to bed with other people sometimes." "What?" "Yeah, sounds weird, I know. But I'm not making it up." "No, I believe you. Did he seriously just leave you there?" "Yes, he did." "Right, I'm coming to pick you up." "Thanks Wanda." "Hey, any day."

It took Wanda half an hour to get to me, "Stupid traffic," she said as she stopped the car in front of me, "Hey." "Hey." "Get in the car, we're gonna get a drink." "Why?" "Because you look like you need one, that's why." That's what friendship looks like, right there. "Well, looks aren't deceiving this time." "You know any good cafés around here." "Yeah, sure." I gave her the directions, and before long we were at the café, drinking. We didn't go home till 4 a.m. and we had to call a taxi because neither of us could drive. We weren't really productive that day, we weren't productive at all, to be honest, we were just sitting on my bed, watching stupid rom-coms and throwing popcorn at the screen from time to time, we eventually decided to switch to horror movies, and Peter brought us ice-cream at one point. "Why?" I asked. "Mr. Stark told me what happened, Steve told him, Mr. Stark told me he told Steve that Steve's reaction was stupid and that he should have expected your reaction." Peter shrugged, "Mr. Stark is right about that, he could have expected it." Peter walked out. "At least you got a teenager and a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist on your side." "Yeah well... at least that's something."

I didn't talk to Steve for two days after that, hanging mostly around Wanda or Tony, or both of them. It was weird how they were working together to help me, because they never really liked each other. "Hey Tony, why are you actually on my side on this?" "Well, it's because, if Steve would have actually known you, he would have known that you wouldn't agree on this, at least not now... And that freedom part, well, I know what you're talking about... That's why it took me so long to propose to Pepper." "You agree with me because you can relate to me huh?" "Yeah, I think that's it. Also, I think Steve should show a little more trust in you." "That would be nice yes." "We both know you won't be unfaithful to him, at least not on purpose, everything can happen when you get drunk of course, but hey, that doesn't really count if you ask me." "That... and I mean... marriage... it's just... you're bound to some person and... I just get the feeling that the world would want you to settle down immediately... that you have to spend all your time with that person and... that you can't really go somewhere." "That's kinda scary, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is. Marriage just isn't my thing. Maybe relationships aren't my thing." "Don't say that," Wanda said. "Why not? I was in love with Ba... No, leave that." "With Banner, and he died... that has nothing to do with you." "Well... He died, I screwed up with Steve... I really think I'm very bad at this." "I screwed up with Vision," Wanda said, "And I don't really have any idea of where he is now..." "Feels bad huh?" "Yeah, but the point is, Nat, you can still make this up with Steve, he's still here. Just go to him, talk to him, tell him how you feel." "Wanda, I don't think he cares." "Of course he does, he still loves you." "God, this whole relationship thing is a lot of work." "But it's worth it," Tony said, "It sure as hell is worth it." "I just hope you're right."

That night I went to Steve's room. Knocking on his door I asked him, "Steve, can we talk?" He opened the door, "What's it you want to talk about?" He sounded angry. "Look Steve, I know you're mad at me, but please just let me explain myself, that's all I want." He looked at me for a moment, then he nodded, "Alright, come in." "Thanks Steve," I said walking in. He closed the door and turned around, "Alright, bring it on."

"Look, about what happened during our... "date". I just wanted to say that... I meant what I said Steve, I love you, but I love my freedom too... I don't want to give up any of that, but I won't have to Steve, if you just trust me." "I trust you..." "No you don't, or else you wouldn't have reacted like you did." "No, I reacted like that because I'll never know what you'll be doing with other guys if you have that freedom." "And that's exactly how you don't trust me." "What?" "Steve, you really think I'd be doing more with other guys than just flirting?" "Well..." "Because you're wrong, I'm not like that." "You did when you were younger." "Exactly, when I was younger, I'm older now Steve, I'm... ready for a serious relationship, but not for marriage, that's all..." "Why not?" "Well, I got a bit of a free spirit... marriage just... it makes me feel like I'll bind myself to... not only someone, but also to someplace, you know, the world will be watching, it'll be all over the news and the people... they'll expect us to settle down somewhere and all, just like Clint did, and I'm just not ready for that. I'll probably never be." "You can't know that now." "Hmmm, it could be I feel different about all of this in a few years, maybe even sooner, but now... No, not now." He sighed... "I reacted like an asshole, didn't I?" "Pretty much yes." "I'm sorry... I really am." "Yeah, you should be." "You..." he looked up, "You think we can try again?" "That'll only work if you trust me, if you don't... well if you don't trust me we shouldn't even try." He nodded. "Do you trust me?" He sighed, "I'll work on it." I nodded, "I was afraid so." I walked to the door, "Come back to me when you do trust me," I told him, then I walked out, closing the door behind me.

"And, what happened?" Wanda asked me. "Well, it looks like I'm single." "What?" "He... he doesn't trust me, not like that. He said he'll work on it, but for me, that isn't working. No, I'll only want him if he does trust me like that..." "I get it. How do you feel?" "Terrible." "I thought so." "You know any way to cheer me up or make me feel better?" "You'll just need some time." "You think that'll help." "Well, "time's the key" they say, don't they." "Yeah... probably." "Hey... come on Nat, he'll come around." "You really think he will?" "He'll come to his senses, he'll see that you'll never do anything like that, and he'll trust you. He will see that you're right." I sighed, "I just hope you're right."

(To be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, that's the whole fanfic. and you know what I just realized? I'm really gonna need to read this whole thing myself to be able to write the sequel, so that's gonna be fun, and with fun I mean it's gonna be a trip to cringe town cause I was like... sixteen when I wrote this fic, maybe even younger... Man, that's all so long ago... Anyway... if you read and enjoyed it I would like to see you all back when I publish the sequel, which is most definitely going to be of better quality, don't worry guys.


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